I Want

"I want to talk about the disturbance in my heart,
the wild wind that blew and howled, I want, I want,
I WANT!"

I've read this piece and every single time I generally stop and crack up at this part. I can picture a child, just screaming, begging for attention that no one is showing them.. and even a foot stomp here and there. But then I read into it more, especially with your use of 'darling', knowing it's more serious than this. It's yearning for the affectionate attention, whether physical or emotional, for him to not just listen to you, but understand you as well.

The rest of the poem seems to reflect back on memories, both good and bad, and it makes me feel like it's a relationship not gone bad.. but just.. non existent. So many times you just move apart, and end up roommates more so than lovers. Maybe that's not what you meant, but that's how I felt. You don't want to risk your vulnerability, because how often memories make us wistful.

'and the part of me who still waits for your songs,
for you'

this part just broke my heart. Beautifully written. This makes me feel too many things.

It's always nice to read something new from you , Melissa. You're one of few poets on this website who consistently turn out emotionally potent poetry. You have a fine balance in your imagery and you choose your language carefully and I love it!

You've experimented here as your poems are usually quite short and you've given yourself some room here. I enjoyed the almost letter-like form of this poem and the repetition makes it conversational, which is also a nice twist. Quite lyrical in places which works too.

Though I feel this is technically good, rather, or moreso than emotionally powerful. I think you write yourself into this poem. The earlier images aren't as stark or interesting as the latter ones.

'I want to talk about 2:13, how I laugh when I'm nervous, brush my teeth in the shower, accidents, kissing, the way we leave so many words unsaid, and the part of me who still waits for your songs,
for you'

Is probably the most powerful part as you stop using metaphor and suddenly insert a raw confession, which I feel works in the wider context of the poem.

I won't pick out any more individual parts which I enjoyed as there's plenty here to analyse critically and poetically but what I felt let you down is the ending.

'I want to talk about all of these things,
but maybe I should just write about it
suddenly aware of all the things I'm risking'

This doesn't add anything unfortunately. 'maybe I should just write about it' is a cliche, and it's rare in your poems I find one and the last line is a little too teenage for my liking. It's like an afterthought. Like it should be in brackets or something (it shouldn't) but you know what I mean. It's not good enough to belong in the poem.

I know I said I wouldn't but:

'thighs loaded like eager guns
with all the ammunition of suggestion'

Brilliant. ;)

Thanks for sharing.