Something in your words always speaks to my insides, maybe it's your uniqueness in style or the smoothness you have or your disparate air I breathe in all of your pieces. You really got me going with this. The incorporation of numbers (dates, hours..) just reflects the state of bedlam in your soul. And the way you have vividly managed to reflect the atmosphere is pure perfection!
"and a world war three
I never thought
^ That would be my favorite part, quite original.
You and your muse...! I think 'muse' plays a big part in your life? - your profile, your club name, and the ending!!
I love it! :)
5 years ago
I LOVE PROVERBS 5:19!! I knew the verse as soon as I read this poem and oh I thought it was the perfect choice. I don't know if this is written from experience or have a tie with that verse, but it's one of my favorites. It's so loyal, sensual and full of promises to stay strong with the good woman and shun the promiscuous.
I liked the idea of mapping skin, atlas' etc. So many images and thoughts rumble throughout my head while reading that. I felt like I was right there.
I love your title, too. Everyone makes a big deal out of 11:11, but here you're just a minute late. Adds to the sadness, I feel. The bit about the twelfth minute of my mistakes just hit me in the gut.
"and I beg my pencil
not to sketch you
on the horizon but
all of this is
all of you."
Ah. Just ah is all I can say, and I know you get what I mean.
Your muse hasn't abandoned you. Never ever.
5 years ago
Everyone makes a big deal out of 11:11, but here you're just a minute late.
^ Thanks for redefining my interpretation! I'm likin' it more and more now.
Let me start by saying this,
I love the vulnerability you show here..
I love it when you do not hide what you feel
behind difficult words,
when your spirit flows free on the page,
you deliver such passion on paper..
I'm impressed..not just impressed..
blown away if I must even say..
I've been wanting to comment on this
for ages..but I did not want to leave a crappy comment..
I've read this about 10+times already I swear,
and I really can't get over it..
the world war three,
you never thought you'd fought to win..
the night sky lingering between your eyes..
the fact that the pencil is drawing someone on a horizon,
you're just too clever..
the Irony in the twelve minute...
what I get from here..
thinking about the "wash-out" maps..
I believe this about
someone you thought you knew by heart
but then it turns out you did not.
and your muse abandoned you
because you failed to know this person..
this has my heart,
I'm sure I'll keep re-reading..
please shower us with more gifts like this one...
you've proven that there is so much more to you than just fancy words..
you have an amazing heart doll,
you'll get through everything..I promise..
5 years ago
by Half Husband Half father
These r my favourite stanzas
the battle against
my heart that was
defenseless in sin,
comfort in silence and
the wish I made
on the eleventh
hour of the eleventh
month on perhaps the
of my mistakes?
With the night sky
beneath my eyes
I questioned if
It was your fear
5 years ago
Astonishingly honest and revealing. This shouts to my humanity. If you can write this and we can read it and understand then the world (or the human race) is not totally lost.
How do you write down the sound of a lite whistle which slowly fades indicating ones impressed disposition after reading a piece that was quite astounding a bit baffling and intersestingly magnetic in composition. pssseeeeewwwww...
What an inspiring poem! I loved the overall flow of the poem, how even the meter seemed as if itself was just wandering and yet coming together so beautifully. The lack of rhyming in this piece gave it a very mature touch. Absolutely loved it, from the title to each individual word.
is often rolled up in all her metaphors and she catches
the attention of everyone with all her complexity,
but every once in a blue moon. she has this thing,she tip toes out of her comfort zone..and put the complexity aside and BAM! this is what you get,
a write that hits you like the waves with rocks sometimes,
I had to do some research on the proverb she was speaking about in this write..
and it goes like "Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy you at all times and be you ravished always with her love."
and it fits perfectly in the poem, and the fact that she
only wrote the number of the proverb instead of the whole thing gives it this mysterious feel..
"With the night sky
beneath my eyes"
I never knew you could have the sky lingering beneath your eye, but when you dig deeper I guess it means
being sleepless and having dark circles beneath the eye..
what a clever,clever metaphor..
5 years ago
Wow, this is so deep, great imagery and some fantatic analogies, i love the tinge of sadness and the tone works perfect here. You truly have a way with words.
Mel- You paint poetry.... I understand now why your poetry is so unique... because you truly paint the words... Ive read this piece many times and I decided to comment... There are some pieces that I feel speak for themselves and that you truly can't comment... this is one of those poems that I feel like that... but I had to tell you that this pieces really got to me... Its very deep and monumental for you, I can feel that... and I just wanted you to know that it affected me ....very touching..