Skeleton's, Soap, and Cigarette's

by Maple Tree   Dec 4, 2011


I can write in a closet, while skeletons snicker
sing in a shower, as body soap recites all fears
I've ever known

Dancing wild in a crowded bar, releases my thirst for youth
walking a gang invested street is a form of strength
nothing drowns my smile

However, loneliness is a silent killer
when I ignore my imaginations need
to be heard

so here I sit, with a hot cup of coffee
cigarette dangling, while Pink Floyd plays
allowing metaphoric demons to sing again....

0


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello Andrea,

    I thought I would travel back in time...

    The title of three items is cool. It reminds me of (and I don't know why?) drugs, sex and rock and roll. Almost like a prompt these items are fascinating in a list and to me make me want to read on. And so I shall...

    I can write in a closet, while skeletons snicker
    sing in a shower, as body soap recites all fears
    I've ever known

    ^
    Okay, superb imagery here: (I don't mean you in the shower! lol) being preoccupied scrubbing and generally lathering up whilst singing. The words resonating with memories thought 'put away in a closet' these skeletons in there are released just like steam rises from the hot water. Suddenly the idea of a nice shower is bringing back demons...

    Dancing wild in a crowded bar, releases my thirst for youth
    walking a gang invested street is a form of strength
    nothing drowns my smile
    ^
    This verse comes across as that 'memory' being retold. Again, imagery clear to me. A girl dancing in a bar. She is young, carefree and (at this point in time' undamaged. The way you have summed this up in a couple of lines is brilliant.
    The next two lines. Later, after the dancing the walk home. Due to no fear she walks where others would not. I can feel the fear here. The gang region sums up danger straight away. Is the word 'invested' a typo for infested?
    Anyway, ...no fear and the gangs don't threaten a smile. At this point I am screaming at the screen, NO, DONT GO THERE!

    However, loneliness is a silent killer
    when I ignore my imaginations need
    to be heard
    ^
    This verse is causing a bit of head scratching. Have you gone back to your ablutions or are you still walking home?
    I will read on to see what is revealed to me.

    so here I sit, with a hot cup of coffee
    cigarette dangling, while Pink Floyd plays
    allowing metaphoric demons to sing again....
    ^
    Okay, this verse is clear of its placement. Sat with hair, still damp and pulled up into a towel. A coffee and cigarette allowing for the memory relived to be mulled over. I like The Floyd and I imagine the song being, Learning to Fly, or crazy Diamond. This group write lyrics and accompanying music that is almost hypnotic. I can see how they induce and free those skeletons from time to time.

    A well written poem. I am glad I came back here to this.

    Take care Andrea,

    Michael

  • 2 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Wow, even your first poem on here mentions coffee... that is funny!

    I struggled a bit to break the poem down as it should be read, but got there eventually. Might be worth coming back to edit this piece to punctuate it properly.

    I like the opening, and how you use the soap in the shower to show the fears that you think of, and I also like how you put yourself int he closet to write, even though you know there are skeletons there. I think this is very relevant to writing actually, and how we sometimes write about the past, even though we know it will being up skeletons and fears.

    I can imagine you dancing in a crowded bar... although I am not sure if this is a good thing I can imagine you doing this, or not! But, I like the way you have the fearless tone in this stanza, that you are embracing the moment that comes, and will not be put off by the potential dangers.

    I struggled a bit with the third stanza, this is where I got confused, so really think you should edit this little part especially. It is such a powerful line, with a huge impact when you read "loneliness is a silent killer!" That is a great line, I think you should take that line actually and make a new poem on it, but really focusing on it for the whole poem.

    I like how you choose to end the poem by bringing the poem back to reality, back to the present moment, and adding in that music, the cig and coffee which shows it was an ordinary moment of the day, but your mind went elsewhere to these places in the past.

    Enjoyed this !

  • 5 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    This poem shows the strength we carry the ability to overcome so many things. Yet loneliness is all powerful.
    Your imagination and creativity in this was stellar. Each word flowed and reached out to the reader. Absolute brilliance

  • 5 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Dancing wild in a crowded bar, releases my thirst for youth
    walking a gang invested street is a form of strength
    nothing drowns my smile

    When we go back to the place where we used to hang out in our younger days, it always puts a smile no matter how old we are whenever we visit it; knowing that this environment shaped us..giving us strength to live.

    However, loneliness is a silent killer

    This is such a true and powerful statement! Loved this line!!

    so here I sit, with a hot cup of coffee
    cigarette dangling, while Pink Floyd plays
    allowing metaphoric demons to sing again....

    This stanza is so vivid it is like watching a movie where I can picture you..liked the read and can understand the feeling behind each line..take care.