Comments : Soaked with Dust

  • 12 years ago

    by Decayed

    I am done sewing metaphors
    and painting happy endings
    in my new poems.

    ^ 'sewing' feels so wintery. And I can guess what you're gonna talk about: no more phoniness, u will pour ur heart out

    For I miss my old shoes
    I miss my tattered dress
    I miss the long dark nights

    ^ I'm fond of this stanza, and those objects 'shoes' 'dress' just make your piece alive, as they reflect the inner state, the real one, of you?

    I may be addicted to sadness
    or that my sentiments dislike
    rainbows, dislike gardens
    doubtlessly dislike company
    and dislike to be shared...

    ^ That really has moved me. Sadness is leaking from those lines. I think that your tone here is as bold as ever.

    You have to know that
    though I miss those old
    sad belongings of mine

    it doesn't mean that I miss
    crying at the end of the phone
    or behind the screen.

    ^ That alive scenery again! I like how you incorporated a typical scene we witness in movies... I think it's refreshing, though you pulled our strings into the atmosphere, the gloomy one you're creating.

    But you've turned me into
    a night soul woman that
    doesn't like to live beneath the sun.

    ^ DEFINITELY, my best stanza! 'night soul woman' can be ur title. It has lots of meanings, so thick and it can summarize the whole thing. I love it!

    I get tired when being happy
    lost in the rhythm of honest laughter
    and chocked if breathing well...
    if breathing deep

    ^ That makes us drown in more sadness. way to go!

    I can't even accept it when I come
    back with a smile on my face, imagine
    that I worry too when I manage to sleep

    ^ Girl, you're a genius!!! He has changed your way of living, and it became impossible for you to return to how u used to act, speak....

    Even my writing skills lost a dime
    expressing the love on my face,
    lost its effectiveness when writing with hope
    as I've been taught by you how to lose faith

    ^ So much more to love... !!! the 'dime' kind of makes me think of your 'penny on the road' .. and here, ur stressing on the fact that he soaked u with ultimate sadness, and it's impossible for you to remove off the thick layers of them..

    I am just done buying new clothes
    and walking with high heels, and I wish
    I wish you know how disgusting it feels...

    ^ I think you're incorporating a psychotic side i this poem!! My God, I really love it... He has influenced you tremendously!!! DARN IT, Nana.. ur one hell of a poetess.

    to be thankful for the one person who
    got me addicted to sadness, while
    feeding me all his handmade meals

    professionally soaked...with dust.

    ^ APPLAUSE. APPLAUSE. You really got me going. Your words got a hold one me, and I'm soaked now with your talent. Way to go Nana.. way to go.!!

  • 12 years ago

    by BlueJay

    This piece intruiged me and was extremely creative as well as a nice read. It had all the fabulous must haves of excellent poetry. There is a lot of great description and even more imagery. There is a ton of emotion and I love this. Excellent job. 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    I may be addicted to sadness
    or that my sentiments dislike
    rainbows, dislike gardens

    doubtlessly dislike company
    and dislike to be shared...
    ^^^^^^^
    Oh My, I can feel this, I have my own understanding of this piece, being addicted to the feeling that sadness and depression brings, although it hurts like hell, it's a hurt that you feel you need to be alive...you dislike disliking your feelins but you feel them anyway.

    Even my writing skills lost a dime
    expressing the love on my face,
    lost its effectiveness when writing with hope
    as I've been taught by you how to lose faith
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Oh yes, Nana, this poem is making me feel so much... you just know how to kill me don't you?

    professionally soaked...with dust.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Prefessionally penned I swear!

    Your emotion here was like really enticing, so evident but sort of gentle and like pulling away from the hurt while clinging on to the feelings,

    I loved it,
    xxxxxx