Comments : Suicidal Beauty

  • 5 years ago

    by L

    Dark indeed. I enjoyed the rhymes and there were a few places where I didn't read correctly but I guess that was my fault. It's a dark but a sad poem too.

  • 5 years ago

    by Ruby Red Memories

    "Echos of hatred run through my mind.
    Slowly going insane, losing hold of life.
    Dig the knife deeper into my skin.
    Losing myself, this has got to be a sin."

    An excellent start. You dived right in taking the reader with you.

    "This demon eats slowly at my soul.
    Slowly, hatefully, my body growing cold.
    Telling myself it will all be over soon.
    Soon my neck will pop like a balloon."

    I really liked the imagery in this stanza it was full on but it didn't bog the reader down.

    "Have to get out of this place.
    Losing my life, this is a disgrace.
    I've lost everything I've ever loved.
    Now my life is gone down below, not above."

    This stanza was so sad that I couldn't helped but be moved by it.

    "The memory of the screams in life.
    I've lost the hope in my stride.
    I feel this anger, i feel this pain.
    This blood has frozen in my veins."

    Once again excellent imagery. I love your choice of words as they were simple yet effective.

    "I'm done, have a good life without me.
    I knew you just wouldnt be able to see.
    Me popping these pills.
    Beginning to lose feel."

    Even though this stanza was in keeping with the tone of the poem I wasn't so fussed as I felt you could have worded it better.

    "I've lost my grip on reality.
    I am so sick of this non-existent beauty.

    Now I am gone and you cant get me back.
    Screw you, im done with this crap...."

    A brilliant ending. You left the reader reeling from the attitude of the last two stanza's.

    Over all an excellent poem

    5/5

  • 5 years ago

    by Lithium1027

    This poem is so deep and I can relate to this 100% It's so beatifully written. Great job!

  • 5 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Dang, this piece is terrific. I think you have penned such a great piece. The emotion and all the descriptions are wonderful. The voice in this piece is perfect. Great job.

  • 5 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This well written dark poem has hit its dark mark 5/5 I am none the less happy the author is still alive

  • 5 years ago

    by Phantasma

    A beautifully sad poem.
    However, I found that I enjoying the poem more at the beginning then the end.
    Regardless though it was a grand and powerful read filled with deep emotions.
    Sometimes that I'm sure many people can relate to.
    I enjoyed your diction and the flow was great as well.
    I believe the third stanza to be my favourite.
    Well done keep writing such emotional though provoking pieces.

  • 5 years ago

    by Lioness

    There is a rawness in this poem and darkness can be felt with each line

    I read three ways in this poem that may have been referring to the way this person killed themselves. First there was the mention of a knife cutting deeper. Then there was a mentionof the neck popping so an image of someone hanging came to mind

    Then there was the mention of the pills- overdoseI thought of. I don't know if that was an intentional thing in your poem but it was how I read it

    Suicide is a very sad issue and I hope that this poem does not reflect your true feelings

    You are very talented

    Well done

    X

  • 5 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I agree completely that this is a raw piece. It's like the reader is entering your deepest thoughts and this thought that you are holding nothing back since you've lost so much. But you are truly beautiful.....these haunting images do pierce the mind but don't let them stop your heart. Well-written with some strong emotions that grasp and make the reader hold onto that awful sadness.

    MaryAnne

  • 5 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    This held a magic all it's own. It was deep and dark and stood alone among the rest. Your wording was dynamic, the rampant emotions ruled. Excellent

  • 5 years ago

    by Tangerine

    I feel just like this tonight... :(

  • 5 years ago

    by John Dlyan Boone BABY

    Love it wonderful

  • 5 years ago

    by Something Diabolical

    Amazing! dark poetry at its best!
    full of emotion and brillaint wording, i really enjoyed reading this.. though a sad poem i could definatly relate and "feel" with it

    "I've lost my grip on reality.
    I am so sick of this non-existent beauty."

    was my fav part
    so true!..

    ending was brilliant! made me chuckle abit lol

    5/5 from me!

  • 5 years ago

    by Kitty Kurse

    :( I loved it completely and I've felt this way oh too many times.
    5/5

  • 5 years ago

    by DirgeVenustas

    Darkly darkly..wonderful write. maybe its my own cynical taste. i simply loved this. if these are your true feelings then i am sorry you feel that way. but on another note the sheer insanity of this poem, the longing and suffering was wonderful. my favorite so far!

  • 5 years ago

    by Silent Girl

    Very good poem i can relate to this poem because i used ot cut myself i feel the pain and hurt from this poem a lot very touching sad really deep :(

  • 5 years ago

    by Silent Girl

    5/5

  • 5 years ago

    by Robert Gardiner

    A Superb Write!!!

  • 4 years ago

    by Redangelwings

    I like this poem a lot Hailey. Though it is really sad but it is filled with your hearts emotion. The feelings of death are there from the start. You show you want to die right away and it's sad though I know this is true. I love the knife in your skin though. It shows a lot of dark imagery. Yes it is a sin for suicide but sometimes it's hard not to have these feelings.I like how you say the demons eat at your soul. The demons could be represented as depression or sadness. You are growing more and more numb which makes you feel cold.

    Life is very difficult and I understand why you need to get out. The pain is sometimes so overwhelming you can't do anything about it. You say you are going to hell but it seems in reality you are already there. Blood has frozen in your veins and there is nothing you can do. You want to scream but its all on the inside. You want to have a good life but it's ending here. We are all beauty inside and it's hard to see though. You are beautiful and strong. I know you have overcome so much from this poem. You eant to be done with this pain and that is great. 5/5