This poem is so full of vivid descriptions and each line bursts with sadness

The first two stanzas are my favorite. I love the when you say you can feel your heart dying as if you could feel the organ itself dying.

The idea that somethingis overgrown makes me think of time. How long has it been since the heart was loved?

I love how you mentioned bound ton destroy you once again. Like you have been through this before.

It reallysounds to me like this person has given up on love altogether.

Well written

X

I LOVE yhe title <3

What an amazing piece. The openning was so powerful, it captures the readers attention to go on.

Tattooed on my soul the words forever,
now seems to be desolving before
my very eyes. Leaving a charcoal
smudge of meaningless yesterday
^^
this was my favorite part of the poem, a charcoal smudge implies the distortion of what once was very vivid. I love the image reflected in here.

Bright colored kites and moonbeams
have become daggers and fire storms,
^^
Kites became daggers and moonbeams became fire storms, this is a really unique way to show how things were; and how they became.

When it no longer exist, you fade
into nothingness of someone else's
nightmare
^^
OMG!! How did you come up with this closing sentence?! It just wrapped up the whole piece so perfectly.

Incredibly penned, keep it up ;)

This is amazing I loved it and somehow related a lil bit but greatly written and fantastically worded,,u have a great talent that I just love so I always come around to read ur poetry :) it's fantastic and amazing like u I loved it :) 5/5

I feel it dying inside me.
Slowly fading into darkness,
once alive and full of possibilities.
Now over grown with a fungus
of damnation, spreading,
like the darkness of night .

^ After reading the poem, I am unable to pin point with precision as to what is "it" that is fading away. I feel as though it isnt just love fading away. But it includes granules of hope and faith, a certain belief that has filled the corners of the authors heart.

The author here has mentioned fungus of damnation. But I feel the fungus is more like a debris, as though the heart has been longing for bliss and mirth for too long and has been bestowed upon with nothing, thus it just lays barely functioning within the chest of the author.

And with reference to the stanza, it could mean that the heart has been damned, thus unworthy of receiving bliss. And the later part, suggests that the fungus is spreading like the night, casting a shadow over all of the aspirations of the author.

Tattooed on my soul the words forever,
now seems to be desolving before
my very eyes. Leaving a charcoal
smudge of meaningless yesterday

^ Here the assurance of love associated with the word "forever" which was figuratively tattooed/inscribed on the authors soul is desolving, thus staining the heart by leaving a black smudge since charcoal has been mentioned in the context. And that particular smudge has presumably made all the attempts of the author futile, as if all his/her efforts were in vain. And it is possibly fogging his/her past.

Bright colored kites and moonbeams
have become daggers and fire storms,
bound to destroy me once again. Shield
of optimism melting burning my hands
falling helplessly to the ground,

^ Kites, my dear brother, here indicate freedom, colors, variety, independence. Since kites are flown by an individual. It means, the author intends to regain the control on his/her life, and wants to let beauty fill the cavity carved by pain.

Moonbeams, usually we notice not the beams. But we see the path it follows and shines/focuses upon an object. The effect of the beams create a serene image, thus the author seeks inner peace, serenity.

But with reference to the stanza, what the author had anticipated to be an arrival of serenity, had actually transformed/morphed into an array of dagger, and fire storms, piercing and tossing away all the chances of joy. And the optimism of author was meant to be used as a shield. But the intensity of the dagger and the fire storm melted the particular shield thus burning the hands of the author, while he/she watched everything being destroyed. Falling to the ground, could indicate, the author himself falling helplessly to the ground. Or the fragments of the shield falling to the ground.

I surrender to its power and decay
life was meant to be lived in happiness
filled with light and love
When it no longer exist, you fade
into nothingness of someone else's
nightmare

^ Here the author mentions about giving into the power of hatred and jealously. Although life in general is meant to be filled with beams of hope, a better future and abundant love. But when the mirror of illusion shatters or when one breaks away from day dreaming, it becomes apparent. The feeling of being hollow is unsatisfactory and very little can be done to sooth the wounds of false assurance. Its like living a present nightmare. Or here it can mean being a part of someone elses non associated nightmare.

Bro, this poem had depth, variety, appropriate length, adequate metaphors, exquisite context.

Very well written.

This poem expresses the hurt caused by grief very well, TJ..well done, son.

5/5 Ingrid

Wow... super powerful, TJ. I think that's probably my favorite by you so far, so it's going into my favorite poems. (: That was just so....overpowering with the emotion of grief and just expresses so amazingly how badly it can affect us.

5/5

-Heather

TJ- each line and word of this poem is indescribable. I can't pick out a favorite part because everything you penned is so meaningful and it effects the reader in their own way.....the opening line really grabs my heart and especially the fact that this hurt you are experiencing is so great, you feel like you've fallen. But there is a way to get back up :)
The ending was incredibly powerful.....I was not expecting the "nightmare" part but it gives that thought to the reader. Life is meant for love and happiness and light, but what if that is gone?

Well-penned and well-expressed, it's so vivid in my mind, will have to read again.

MaryAnne

Oh TJ I think I read this before you did the edit but I have to say this just blew me away. Excellent wording with emotions deep deep and deep.
You're an awesome poet dear friend
Connie

/life was meant to be lived in happiness
filled with light and love
When it no longer exist, you fade
into nothingness of someone else's
nightmare
//

I was like wowwww ... so profound ... so deep ... I shouldn't be amazed though, you always have the knack of writing the best :D these are brilliant lines :)

TJ, this is just more proof of your ability to write. There isn't much left to say but agree with all the other commenters. You did good, ST.

Wow, this was a really deep and sad poem! The title caught my eye, and the way you described these emotions was original and interesting. The opening stanza made me feel the inevitable growing pain of something you can't escape.

I love this line: "Leaving a charcoal smudge of meaningless yesterday" -- I love your wording, and the best phrase of this line was 'meaningless yesterday'

The ending was really powerful... I love the last three lines:

When it no longer exist, you fade
into nothingness of someone else's
nightmare

-- I like the idea of fading into nothingness, as if your life has no meaning and no one will notice when you're gone...

Really touching poem. Great job!

WOW WOW WOW, TJ!

The descriptions are way beyond one's imagination. The palette of their empowering density is diverse, I was totally enticed into the atmosphere.. how sad it felt, I felt so weak, too.. as if every word had its peculiar effect on me.

A dark one, from dark times, it seems. "Light and love"...can be found again, we just have to be patient, for them to find us.
Until then the "Shield of optimism" needs to be reinforced with steel and concrete, not to be drawn down.
"Leaving a charcoal smudge of meaningless yesterday"
I think the stain, to a loving heart, will be erased one day, the day love and inspiration finds us again.
A thoughtful and deep verse written from a damaged heart, could definitel use a new mechanic!

Stunning!!! The title was eye catching the beginning was a great hook. The word choice was just wow and the images you created are so vivid. I love this piece and could go on and on about it forever yet never find any flaws. This is going on my favorites list just to show that the techniques here are mazing and this piece is that awesome!