Comments : Never Ending Circle

  • 12 years ago

    by Lioness

    I find it is always heartbreaking and so painful when you love someone but they don't feel the same way in return.

    I have been through this a couple of times and this poem reminds me of those feelings back in the day.

    I am curious - is this coming from a male perspective? I am only asking as in the words "It's never me it's always him"

    The first stanza you can really tell what the poem is about.

    I like the rhyming in this poem.

    The last stanza makes me think of the idea of being used - when the one they want is not around they will take what is second best and go back to that person

    Well written poem here hun

    x

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    I understand this piece. Though sometimes that's how we might feel as a second plate but other times is how it is. So it's true and indeed it's heartbreaking.
    And it's just a vicious cycle that never gets old, specially because there is one that loves and other one that only see him/her as a last resort. And the one that loves won't care at first but it gets hurt constantly and specially disappointed every time.

    This stanza caught my attention.

    It's never me
    It's always him
    Well baby it's
    Sink or swim

    I feel the emotion in this part. Like you never think about yourself but just about him. You are not important just him according to you or whoever feels like this. So sink or swim, either keep trying and making sure the relationship continues to float other wise it will sink.

    Well done.

  • 12 years ago

    by average thoughts

    Just d exact amount of words to tel d condition of ones hrt..
    One who luv hs to go through al dis..
    Short and Simple..wid an amazing flow..
    Fp

  • 12 years ago

    by Paul Gondwe

    I found this really interesting. I saw this as it was written with anger of passion since the words seem to portray some anger but also show love. I dont know and was confused at the line where you said its always him....

    i loved this piece especially how it ends knowing evrything will be good again between you two

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenna Bella Oldridge

    The poem is meant to be from the point of view of a friend of mine who is a lesbian. She likes a girl who likes her back but that same girl still likes boys and always ends up letting her down for a guy.

  • 12 years ago

    by terry

    My sister in law, who recently passed away from diabetes complications, had the same experience. She fell in love with a girl who had recently broken up with her b/f. They had a brief fling, but she was always 2nd as the girl would go back to the b/f, then when it didn't work come back. She was in love and heartbroken at the same time. Sometimes love hurts.

  • 12 years ago

    by AngelDust

    We always argue
    It drives me mad
    You think I'm happy
    But I'm sad

    ^Amazing how a few simple words can hit home so harshly. I like this, a lot. It's simple yet flows very well and rhymes perfectly. It has a lot of feeling and emotion in it and describes the deep anger behind it. Brilliant as always : )

    Dani
    -xx-

  • Love another
    It's never me
    Second best
    Is that the way it has to be?

    ^^
    The last line throws off the flow and pace of the piece - but it's still a really great line. Very fitting for the mood.

    Never your first choice
    Just a friend
    Someone you use in
    The end

    ^^
    I think the last two lines should read like:
    'Someone you use
    In the end'
    But a really great link from first to second stanza. Well done.

    It's not fair
    It's not right
    Sometimes I think you're
    Looking for a fight

    ^^
    This stanza was fast paced and flowed extremely well.

    We always argue
    It drives me mad
    You think I'm happy
    But I'm sad

    ^^
    No one knows our true emotions but ourselves. We can easily deceive. But I think in this case, this other person didn't realise not because you were hiding it, but rather because they weren't paying attention.

    I want your love
    I want your heart
    But your choices keep us
    Apart

    ^^
    Again I must say, I think the last two lines should read like:
    'But your choices
    keep us apart'
    Other than that a really superb stanza - emphasises your feelings for this person and also somewhat your pain.

    It's never me
    It's always him
    Well baby it's
    Sink or swim

    ^^
    I like this last line - you wouldn't think it belongs in a love poem (of sorts), but it completely works. Kudos to you.

    Now or never
    You have to choose
    And once again I
    Know I loose

    ^^
    'loose' should be 'lose'
    I think also 'I' in the last line should be "I'll"

    But you'll come back
    You always do
    It's never ending between me and
    You

    ^^
    I think the last lines should read:
    'it's never ending
    between me and you'
    Otherwise, a really strong ending. I like it.

    Overall;
    Besides a few arrangement issues, this poem is a really strong and somewhat relatable write. I really enjoyed reading it. Your emotions have been expressed really well and the flow was mostly in tact throughout the piece (I think it was only that one line in the beginning...).

    Well penned. 5/5