Comments : Lifetime...

  • 12 years ago

    by Chelsey

    It instills a faded image of blossoms,
    just like the mild taste of coffee
    which persist on the tongue for long

    ^^ Wow what an amazing comparison! I loved this stanza , pretty creative to compare it to the taste of coffee. I loved that!!

    Such is the beauty of a lifetime
    I long for...

    ^ I don't know why but I just thought this line was so beautiful. I liked that you let it stand alone.

    Very nice closing line. Lets the reader know there is still hope in troubled times.

    The only thing I'd suggest is the use of "it" be substituted for other words in the beginning stanzas.

    Great write Amreen! Loved it!

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    "Lifetime for me
    lies in those baskets of memories,
    filled with the aroma of bliss..."

    ----This stanza sort of defines what a lifetime is. The memories that one possess after many years. Filled with the aroma of bliss (Happiness in the air). For some reason, I'm picturing the smell of when my grandma cooks.. that's some type of aroma of bliss to me..

    "It possess the reminiscence
    of cheerfulness as bright as sunshine,
    with no bits of sorrow..."

    ---- yeah, its beautiful to just being able to remember the good things and not the ones that hurts us. Specially, when we get to an older age and just being able to sit and remember the old good times.

    " It instills a faded image of blossoms,
    just like the mild taste of coffee
    which persist on the tongue for long..."

    ----I also agree with chelsey, and also I found this stanza pleasant and the coffee part it kind of makes it calm. Like I'm picturing myself in later years, drinking my cup of coffee and just looking back at early years.

    It is enveloped
    with the cool breeze of care,
    amidst the climate of hot summer..."

    ----this stanza is refreshing.. The cool breeze that we wish when its hot at the summer. It brings a sense of happiness and joyfulness to me.

    "It is like the excitement filled in us,
    when our expectant soul
    anticipate a beautiful tomorrow..."

    -- --So true.

    "It is brimmed with tranquility
    of an untouched beauty,
    which fascinates exploration...

    It is like an enchanting prelude,
    which occupies my mind
    with sheer peace...

    Such is the beauty of a lifetime
    I long for...

    --- Me too!! I would like to have a lifetime like the one my mind just pictures with your words.

    "Those are the moments
    I wish to live like a journey,
    amidst the hollows of darkness
    I am imbibed in... "

    ----Over all .. I love this piece. It describes an amazing lifetime that I wish for myself and for others as well. Incredible job.

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    Double post, I'm blaming this on my net.

  • 12 years ago

    by TSI25

    It reads really well, but again some of the word choice seemed... out of sync. for instance i could guess the meaning of "imbibed" given the context, and maybe its my lack of education, but it seems like a much too advanced word compared to the rest of the poem. also the line

    "which persist on the tongue for long"

    seems... i dunno it gives me the impression of some one who doesnt speak a lot of english. "for long" is a prepositional phrase that is really uncommon in the english language, something like "for too long" might flow smoother and carry more meaning.

    over all though this was a really good poem (i just happen to nitpick a lot cause when people write me comments that say "it was good i like it," it really doesnt help at all.)

  • 11 years ago

    by Girl of Conviction

    Aww this is a beautiful write :]

    i love it<3
    Put alot of great effort into ur writing

    5/5

    :]]

  • 11 years ago

    by DeviousCharmer

    You are so optimistic. im totally the opposite therfore i could not relate to the poem. but it is really descriptive. i like the words you used.

  • 11 years ago

    by Yrem Crish

    I like the way you write it amreen...the flows were written good and the rhythm of your poem. I like the ideas and the imagery..very catchy piece. Keep writing more poems
    5/5:))

  • 11 years ago

    by Darren

    The imagery in this is great, I would argue that if something is out of context then this could point to a deeper meaning,

    This flows really well and is a nice piece.

  • 11 years ago

    by Khalid M Darwish

    Another fruitful piece that pulled me from the neck. I loved the 3-line style of stanza you chose. 2hd stanza 'it possess' should read 'it possesses' if I'm not mistaken. 3rd stanza 'persist' should read 'persists'. 5th stanza 'soul' should be 'souls'' 7th stanza

    'It is like an enchanting prelude,
    which occupies my mind
    with sheer peace...'

    either you'd remove the comma or change the 2nd line to read
    'occupying my mind'.

    'Such is the beauty of a lifetime
    I long for...'

    sound more clear if it reads as
    'That's the beauty of a lifetime
    I long for...''

    This piece is worth nominated my friend.

    Finally I'm speechless of the beauty in the poetry you possess. I'm really getting shocked time after time that the world have talents like you. Looking forward to hearing each new from you. Good luck.
    '

  • 11 years ago

    by Wafaa

    Isn't it the lifetime we all long for.. amazing piece!

    loved it 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Yakori bint Muhammed

    This is so so peaceful, very creative metaphors and simply intoxicating. I loved how you incorporated some dose of nature in it. It bought the whole feelings to life.

    An excellent base for optimism to everyone especially those shrivelled and need a nudge to carry on. It speaks deepy into one and gets one thinking hopefully of bright shining opportunities from all possible entities.

    You penned this so breathtakingly good and captivates one from the start till the end. I'm short of words now. Its serene and subilmely described. A fantastic piece of fundamental value to all. A piece of counsel, welldone!
    Hugs dear. :-)) ..

  • 11 years ago

    by zombiepikachu

    I rather enjoyed the imagery you put into my mind with your words.
    "It instills a faded image of blossoms,
    just like the mild taste of coffee" --so beautiful, and you can really imagine it. It's very relate-able.
    You have really strong diction. These beautiful words, such as "tranquility", "anticipation" and etc, really do embody the feeling that I get while I read it.
    This is a beautiful poem, great job C:

  • 11 years ago

    by zombiepikachu

    I rather enjoyed the imagery you put into my mind with your words.
    "It instills a faded image of blossoms,
    just like the mild taste of coffee" --so beautiful, and you can really imagine it. It's very relate-able.
    You have really strong diction. These beautiful words, such as "tranquility", "anticipation" and etc, really do embody the feeling that I get while I read it.
    This is a beautiful poem, great job C: