The Number Six

by Lioness   Jan 8, 2012


I woke up with yesterday's thoughts -
still lingering
in my head

Like the aura of
Magnolia Blossoms

Only less sweet

Haunted by The Number Six -
she wreaks havoc
amongst my vigorous
imagination

Yet...

I cannot let her go

Following her like a stalker;
hiding behind the justification

that I am not crazy

Consequences of -
devastating magnitude
if I neglect to abide by
her rules

My mind;
taken hostage
by my own obsessions and
compulsions

I am both the executioner
and the victim

of myself

*** A poem about my struggle with OCD. My repetition number is six ***

8


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  • 'I woke up with yesterday's thoughts -
    still lingering
    in my head'

    ^^ repitition.. Memories.. Unable to decide between options.. Perhaps a difficult choice that needs a great deal of evaluation. Or, going back to the idea of repitition, something upsetting that you are unable to forget - I know when I am upset/angry about something my thoughts tend to swirl around the same ideas.. Repeating themselves until I am able to focus on something like music to calm myself.
    An excellent start! Instantly intrigues the reader to continue.

    'Like the aura of
    Magnolia Blossoms'

    ^^ I take this is very personal, that only you, the writer, know the true meaning of this part. It sounds as though you are talking about an image, but also a feeling and then again it could perhaps be a scent or memory..?

    'Only less sweet'

    ^^ this particular occurrence is not as strong or nice (for lack of a better word at present..) as previous occurrences.
    Not as 'pleasant!' Thats a more fitting word!

    'Haunted by The Number Six -
    she wreaks havoc
    amongst my vigorous
    imagination'

    ^^ 'the number six' sounds as though it has a double meaning..? Perhaps again you, or a select few, are the only one to know what this truly means.. Obviously negative and by the sounds it is messing with your mind, your view of reality or the likes..?

    'Yet...

    I cannot let her go'

    ^^ "she" is inescapable.. Perhaps dependent whether your dependent on her or she on you I am uncertain. But she has to stay.. She cant go away.

    'Following her like a stalker;
    hiding behind the justification'

    ^^you dont trust her or her alibi..? Perhaps you feel cheated by her or have been in the past which has led you to be suspicious..?

    'that I am not crazy'

    ^^she has you questioning your sanity. Relating back to my comment of dependency.. Could you be the dependent one perhaps?

    'Consequences of -
    devastating magnitude
    if I neglect to abide by
    her rules'

    ^^ she brings trouble if you dont listen/act... Again relating back to my comment of 'inescapable'.. You lack freedom with the fear/threat of bad things happening...

    'My mind;
    taken hostage
    by my own obsessions and
    compulsions'

    ^^ once again questioning your sanity. Obessions and compulsions ... Desires? OCD?

    'I am both the executioner
    and the victim

    of myself'

    ^^ you are the one causing the harm, making the threats which results in you being trapped.. Is this all in your mind? Again the sanity is at question. My last comment about OCD this could definitely fit...

    *** A poem about my struggle with OCD. My repetition number is six ***

    ^^ ah, the explanation... Definitely much clearer.

    Overall, this is amazing. At first you could be writing about multiple situations but it certainly does relate to OCD .. Which is mentioned at the end.
    I'm definitely glad I read the poem as I commented, because I think I would have missed some elements if I hadnt. Not that that is a negative on your writing.. No! Just the fact I would have analysed it differently.. Trying to find the relation to OCD. I'm glad I picked that up on my own is all I'm saying.

    This is written very well - leaving the direct relation to OCD until later in the poem has worked out a real advantage.

    5/5

  • 'I woke up with yesterday's thoughts -
    still lingering
    in my head'

    ^^ repitition.. Memories.. Unable to decide between options.. Perhaps a difficult choice that needs a great deal of evaluation. Or, going back to the idea of repitition, something upsetting that you are unable to forget - I know when I am upset/angry about something my thoughts tend to swirl around the same ideas.. Repeating themselves until I am able to focus on something like music to calm myself.
    An excellent start! Instantly intrigues the reader to continue.

    'Like the aura of
    Magnolia Blossoms'

    ^^ I take this is very personal, that only you, the writer, know the true meaning of this part. It sounds as though you are talking about an image, but also a feeling and then again it could perhaps be a scent or memory..?

    'Only less sweet'

    ^^ this particular occurrence is not as strong or nice (for lack of a better word at present..) as previous occurrences.
    Not as 'pleasant!' Thats a more fitting word!

    'Haunted by The Number Six -
    she wreaks havoc
    amongst my vigorous
    imagination'

    ^^ 'the number six' sounds as though it has a double meaning..? Perhaps again you, or a select few, are the only one to know what this truly means.. Obviously negative and by the sounds it is messing with your mind, your view of reality or the likes..?

    'Yet...

    I cannot let her go'

    ^^ "she" is inescapable.. Perhaps dependent whether your dependent on her or she on you I am uncertain. But she has to stay.. She cant go away.

    'Following her like a stalker;
    hiding behind the justification'

    ^^you dont trust her or her alibi..? Perhaps you feel cheated by her or have been in the past which has led you to be suspicious..?

    'that I am not crazy'

    ^^she has you questioning your sanity. Relating back to my comment of dependency.. Could you be the dependent one perhaps?

    'Consequences of -
    devastating magnitude
    if I neglect to abide by
    her rules'

    ^^ she brings trouble if you dont listen/act... Again relating back to my comment of 'inescapable'.. You lack freedom with the fear/threat of bad things happening...

    'My mind;
    taken hostage
    by my own obsessions and
    compulsions'

    ^^ once again questioning your sanity. Obessions and compulsions ... Desires? OCD?

    'I am both the executioner
    and the victim

    of myself'

    ^^ you are the one causing the harm, making the threats which results in you being trapped.. Is this all in your mind? Again the sanity is at question. My last comment about OCD this could definitely fit...

    *** A poem about my struggle with OCD. My repetition number is six ***

    ^^ ah, the explanation... Definitely much clearer.

    Overall, this is amazing. At first you could be writing about multiple situations but it certainly does relate to OCD .. Which is mentioned at the end.
    I'm definitely glad I read the poem as I commented, because I think I would have missed some elements if I hadnt. Not that that is a negative on your writing.. No! Just the fact I would have analysed it differently.. Trying to find the relation to OCD. I'm glad I picked that up on my own is all I'm saying.

    This is written very well - leaving the direct relation to OCD until later in the poem has worked out a real advantage.

    5/5

  • 5 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    Powerful poem, you definitely know how to express your emotions and let the reader know how you are feeling.

  • 5 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

    :O:O:O:O

    i Am soooo sorry I haven't read this before but I swear I was not in the site, maybe kicked out or penalized I remember when I came back I saw it on the front page but was too lazy to read it and now, I was stalking your profile, reading your old stuff and fount this... WHAT a surprise! what a creativity!!!
    your expressions got through me! went to the core, dug my heart! sent me shivers all the way to my spine! you can't imagine. I was amazed, hypnotized by the images, the sadness it speaks of...everything just shouts out loud with honesty, with suffering, with melancholy....that was just perfect!

    When I First started reading, I could relate the title to the content and I didn't know who you were refering to with the 'she' but then in the end....I swear I was like this :O
    God, Liz you wont ever know how this inspired me! how it touched me and moved me.....you just reallly made me appreciate every single line and the flow....ohhh a killer!

    PERFECT perfect write, an awesome piece and congratulations on your win.....thousands of congrats!

  • 5 years ago

    by Rihanna

    Awww this is such a good poem
    Really powerful

    I loved it sweetie
    100/100