Comments : Bows and Frowns

  • 5 years ago

    by Dixiedaisy

    Lu,
    You write with such ease as if the prompt was meant for you. It is hard to look at this poem just once, it is the type of poem that brings you back to it. One that will make you stop and think what we are doing and if the sun did think, what it would think and see. Awesome job at personification and with the prompt.

  • 5 years ago

    by Britt

    "looking down at fires roaring,
    waters screaming, bullets hissing,
    and rocks trembling"

    This here is what made the poem for me. It is so drastic and realistic, what He must be seeing of the destruction we do to one another is heartbreaking - that's exactly what I felt/thought when I read this poem.

    "sitting on top of the world"

    This line felt a bit off to me with the rest of the lines around it, and I kept reading it as "sitting atop the world" instead, lol.

    That opening stanza is gorgeous, what you did with Bliss' prompt and ran with it is just absolutely beautiful. Out of nominations for the week, darn it! I'm favoriting this one, definitely one I'll want to read a few times :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Blissful

    Lu, you knocked out this masterpiece so swiftly! I am glad my prompt was able to inspire you. :)

    I fell in love with this poem right after I read it and fell harder the second time I read it. A winner for sure!

    "and its lashes
    bleed in drizzles."
    ^What a chilling image! I love how you worded it.

    "looking down at fires roaring,
    waters screaming, bullets hissing,
    and rocks trembling"
    ^Great consistency here! I found myself looking down and seeing these scenes. Flowed flawlessly.

    The ending was just perfect. This was beautiful, Lu. Thank you for sharing :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Chelsey

    The sun bows as pain vibrates
    from swollen eyes and its lashes
    bleed in drizzles

    ^ Omgosh Lu...this opening stanza...where on Earth did you come up with this ??? swollen eyes, bleeding lashes, that is just so creative. Sucked me right in I loved it!

    I've always said I hate nature poems, but your nature poems have always been one of few that I read. Your desricptions really make it easy for me to read and theres always some intense thinking your poems make the readers do. Like what if the sun did have feelings? Is it really sad some days? happy the next??

    I loved this. What a good challenge, it got your creative juices flowing I see!

  • 5 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Lu,*

    You took this prompt and made it your own, this piece was honestly stunning and one of my favourites, as usual.

    I was particularly fond of all your use of Onomatopeia: Drizzles, roaring, hissing etc. Because you used this technique the imagery you portrayed was able to really come to life. I could hear the roaring of fire and the hiss of a bullet and I really enjoyed how you described water as screaming, it reminds me of a devastation, a tsunami, this also really helped with the concept. It was also relatable, we all can relate to the fear of these things,

    The concept was intriguing! Looking down on the world from the suns perspective and seeing the destruction caused by natural disaster or society, it's an extremely sad way to see the world but something we all need to. The sun is a part of nature but I loved the personification used when you gave it emotion and characteristics you formed a sort of empathy from your audience.

    "and its lashes
    bleed in drizzles

    I thought this was the most interesting image, worked well with the idea of the sun but again provoked the thought of the sun crying which led the audience to feel for it.

    -Mel