The Load-Up

I enjoyed this one

Weekly Contest, Judge comment:

Twice since last week, Larry has turned up in the mix of contest nominees and twice he's given me reason to read your entire collection here on PnQ. This was amazing.

The first half of the poem was intriguing to me - I've never grown up around livestock. You did well to write the poem this way.

You described the atmosphere/scenario so well in terms of what was going on in the 'real' world. There's more, though! This heartfelt little side story connecting your daughter to the animal, which turns out to be the real story in the end.

The contrast between the reality of what you're having carried out versus the importance of the relationship between Jess and the sheep is phenomenal. Like a perfect black and white balance - incredibly rough, but with so much tender emotion tucked underneath.

Congratulations on having written such a great poem

This one got me. The language is very simple and almost expository, but there's this tight, tension-filled juxtaposition of ideas that makes the whole thing very wrenching. That tension, of course, comes from the presence of a well-cared-for animal that was always bound to be sold for meat. It's morally superior to alternative methods of "meat-raising," of course, but there is extra pain precisely due to that loving care.

You express this tension in several places. The balancing of a bright, playful "magic marker" with "slaughter house" in the next line is jarring and effective. Your third stanza does it again, where you mix in "marbled meat" with other ministrations.

And, ok, the Disney-raised part of me made me tear up when the sheep is looking for your daughter. GAH! I needed to comment on this, if for no other reason than that it made me so emotional.

Everything i could think of...has already been said above.
Its not an easy task to convert such emotional moment to a poem..atleast its not for me. You really did well as all the time while reading...the words formed a movie in my mind & i could watch it.
Great write.

all the best and take care

I had some mixed feeling while reading this to be honest and...you probably know why. It must have been very difficult for you to watch your daughter's pain as she was separated from what (by giving it a name) had become a pet to her...but it will probably be a learning curve for her. I had chooks (chickens in your language haha) and planned on fattening them up to eat..while collecting their eggs in the meantime so never did name them. Then someone gave me a rooster which I did name...Mr Hannigan from Rooster Hannigan in Annie and that was the end of any plans I had to eat them. Eventually foxes ate them instead. Even Mr Hannigan was taken and....I was devestated.