Comments : CupCakes

  • 5 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Aw this is touching, that's all I can really say. This caught my eye for one reason, because I remind you of cupcakes. I see a lot of myself in this poem if not mistaken, the little footnote on the bottom seems to pinpoint my life right now. It's interesting how you can take something that seems to random and relate it to life. Really quite original, glad I stumbled across this.

  • 5 years ago

    by Jad

    I do believe you have won this time. This poem is simply amazing and I really do like the personification of yourself to the cupcake. It is unique and not exactly what I was expecting. I find it heart breaking though as far as the message of the poem. It is very true that many people are led astray from what people will say and how they will treat someone as if they are property. I'm sure there are people who can relate to this piece and understand what you are talking about very clearly. Once again I would just like to say, Amazing!!!

    "But, I'm neither as sweet as you
    imagine, nor I'm a drift of breath
    to blow with passion into
    your kitchen of love"
    ^^^
    I loved this stanza because it really brings out the reality of not everything is what it seems. So many times people think if they can treat someone really nice and just take advantage of them that everything will be okay but like you said "I'm neither as sweet as you imagine". I loved that part. Brings a nice flavor into the poem. ;] Like I said in my first part of my comment I do love the personification to the cupcake and you do it very well with vivid images that blow me away and that really bring the imagery of the entire thing out.

    Another not I would like to make is that of the emotions in this poem. It seemed more sad in the beginning as if you had no choice but to comply with all this person wants on you but then as the poem goes on this emotion is flipped and now they are the one with sadness. You change your mood to one of more of hope and also confidence, which I really liked and found a nice turn of events.

    All in all, I think you did very well with this poem considering the topic you were given. The message is very powerful and can easily speak to those who maybe have been abused. But I am glad as always to see your creativity flowing and the sadness you write about so well being one with the poem. I hope you continue to blow my mind away and be the amazing poet you are. Great job and keep writing!

  • 5 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    JAcey, I knew you were gonna say that somehow hehe, you're right however!

    Jad, HA, I torture you :P

    thanks guys :] <3

  • 5 years ago

    by Lioness

    Wow,

    There are certainly a lot of metaphors in this poem and I think you have done well with this.

    The way I see your poem is this;

    There are so many woman everywhere who are with their lovers. These lovers seem to be trying to "change" their partner to the way they want them to be. To change their partner the way they want to see them. Instead of being a natural cupcake :"> something sweet and beautiful, they try to mix things that should not be mixed just to try and change the personality or even a trait that they don't particularly like in someone.

    I see this a lot in woman - even myself.

    I also see this amongst men as well. Woman who try to change their men to what they want. It's shocking actually that you can't love someone for who they are.

    The first stanza - to add sugar is to make something sweet but when you're saying to beat into the despair in your heart, it makes me think of making something sweet and then destroying it. Taking something good and turning it into something bad. It makes me think of people trying to overpower others. To mould them the way they think they should be. The control part for me is the big issue.

    I do love this poem, I love the meaning behind it. I love that you have written this for the woman everywhere. I simply love this poem

    Well done hun,

    x

  • 5 years ago

    by L

    This piece reminded me of another poem that I wrote about a pizza. lol But this one just tops it out. Its a winner in my book like CRS says.. ( i don't know his name)

    and the way I understood it was like someone was trying to change your nature and just cook you to make their favorite recipe but they didn't realize that you had your own ingredients and that adding new ones can spoilt you into something not eatable and thus something that you don't like.

    Don't ever change for anyone, only is if its for your own good and satisfaction.

  • 5 years ago

    by Yakori bint Muhammed

    This poem etch into me so deeply, i felt every pang of sorrow deep inside me. I like how you used baking method, the chef et al to portray the feelings. The ending part got me so into the scenes and its feelings, the linger of feeling confident and strong for oneself is amazing and brave. I like every bit of your wordings. I love this, it's very intriguing. LOVELY, loads of rosey love to you. ;-)..

  • 5 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Nana! I'm speechless! This poem is amaaaazing! And not what I expected! I love the title, as you know I love cupcakes.. but this poem was SO much more...

    I love how you compared a sweet cupcake to a sad scenario... I also like how you stated the ingredients and procedure while comparing it to the way you might've been treated... It was really effective and different.

    The part when you said insert a tooth - I believe you meant toothpick? In case you wanted to change it :)

    I love this stanza:

    But I'm not a leftover,
    not anyone's crumbles
    to be stitched, cleansed,
    or even redecorated into a
    whole new plate.

    >> you were so powerful in an unexpected way... I love the idea of not being a person's leftovers, and not being anyone's crumbs.

    I love the message behind this poem. It was beautiful and touching to every woman. I love it!!! Great job sweetie!

  • 5 years ago

    by PnQ Mod Account

    The end of this poem is such a lovely little stick in the side of those men who treat women the way our chef does here! Excellent play of ideas and analogy, Nana, I really adore this :) Delicious from start to finish.

    One thing - tooth should be toothpick. Hehe. Shouldn't it? I've never heard of someone poking a pastry with their tooth to make sure it's done, but maybe I'm wrong!

  • 5 years ago

    by silvershoes

    Oops, that was me... ^

  • 5 years ago

    by Meme

    First, never challenge Nana to write a poem, you know she will just prove you wrong :P

    Preheat an oven to 350 degrees,
    combine words to sugar-
    more sugar, then beat
    into the despair in my heart;
    on standard rate ?

    Was that your recipe?
    ^^
    That really did read as a recipe to something. You used the concept of a recipe in such an original and clever way. And the questioning of "Was that your recipe?" just had a different taste; as if saying Was that you intention? Did you do it on purpose? Or did just happen... What an image girl!

    I wonder, were you ready
    to insert a knife in the center
    of my soul, until it comes out
    spotless, just to make sure
    I was ready to be cooled...
    ^^
    This added a dark effect to the poem, although the process of inserting the knife is used whenever you bake something, but the use of it in your piece just had another meaning, a dark painful feeling is what it gave me.

    Once I'm wholly chilled,
    you'd frost this sweetie
    with your favorite frosting
    or decorate as you desire

    But, I'm neither as sweet as you
    imagine, nor I'm a drift of breath
    to blow with passion into
    your kitchen of love.
    ^^
    This translates to take my power away then shape me to the way you like, I am all weak and fragile. Well this is how I interpreted it. But then my ideas drift a bit after reading the second half of it, and the phrase "Kitchen of love" so original, and I loved it :)

    I'm more than a trend of sweets
    that you might find in a cook book,
    dedicated to cupcakes.

    Not a piece for one individual,
    like you convince yourself while
    you swallow your sanity-with
    a spit of wine that mixes
    each inch of pleasure, with
    irrational understanding of
    my sadness.
    ^^
    how can you take something as sweet as cupcakes and turn them into a symbol of sadness?! You just WOWed me with those verses. You showed that there is just a other meaning to it, its not just another girl, not something you can take for granted.

    Though I've once been burnt,
    by the hands of a disloyal chef..
    and perhaps my hands now,
    look stiff-
    as my words sound,
    and my eyes, a bit bitter
    like my tongue.
    ^^
    YES, now I am getting the sense of power in your poem, now you started to show the reader the other face of cupcakes if I may say, just because I was once mistreated by someone doesnt mean I am weak now, it just made me stronger.

    But I'm not a leftover,
    not anyone's crumbles
    to be stitched, cleansed,
    or even redecorated into a
    whole new plate.
    ^^
    In the weakest points you took advantage of it, but now
    you can never do it again. Powerful images!

    You "ought" to touch up
    a lady in a better..
    not.......in a bitter, cup.
    ^^
    BOOM!!
    That was the ending I am looking for, just straight forward with a tone of threat. The use of "better" and "bitter" just showed how easily people can drift to their own desires and mistreat a woman, but its just a one letter difference hat can make all the diference in life.

    You go girl, amazingly penned :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    /I wonder, were you ready
    to insert a knife in the center
    of my soul, until it comes out
    spotless, just to make sure
    I was ready to be cooled...

    // It is when I read these lines that I realized it is not about the recipe... but how you have used it as a metaphor ... I tell you i was blown away by the mere idea ...

    /Though I've once been burnt,
    by the hands of a disloyal chef..
    and perhaps my hands now,
    look stiff-
    as my words sound,
    and my eyes, a bit bitter
    like my tongue.

    // amazing ... the expressions are simply beautiful. It gave me a feeling the bitterness of the previous relationship is still left. And of course that's usual.

    //But I'm not a leftover,
    not anyone's crumbles
    to be stitched, cleansed,
    or even redecorated into a
    whole new plate.
    // ohh I loved the attitude of these lines. The tone is powerful and hits hard.

    Brilliant write... definitely going to my favorites :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Amazing forte, Rania.

    "were you ready to insert a knife in the center of my soul, until it comes out spotless, just to make sure I was ready to be cooled"

    Intuitive grasp of what you say: one who seeks out the broken hearted for his own selfish consumption

    The simile carries through seamlessly, avoids mixing metaphors and comes to the point explicily.

    You certainly are "not a leftover, not anyone's crumbles" you are the chef herself, ready to 'paste the poor sap who thinks otherwise.

    I must admit the final stanza has me puzzled. Why is ought in quotes?

  • 5 years ago

    by Decayed

    Rania, I'm in love with your creativity... you're a poetess whose Penny on The Road, Metaphorical Murder, Fleeing Sands, 87, and Bring Me the sunset in a cup ... cannot be forgotten at all. And now... this is added to the list ;)
    --

    Preheat an oven to 350 degrees,

    ^ Okay. WOW. What a way to start a poem. I love fi3l l2amir to start with. And oven?? I wonder why..

    combine words to sugar-
    more sugar, then beat

    ^ The word 'beat' .. it sounds brilliant here. Maybe it's a reflex to what's inside, or just technically mix well.

    into the despair in my heart;
    on standard rate ?

    ^ Again, I love questions, too.... a perfect stanza. Nice play on images.

    Was that your recipe?

    ^ Now, I got the view well. He made you his recipe. But I bet that it's delicious ;)

    I wonder, were you ready
    to insert a knife in the center
    of my soul, until it comes out
    spotless, just to make sure
    I was ready to be cooled...

    ^ Now, I know that if someone wants to make sure that the cake is baked well, a knife is inserted to feel that. I love your interpretation here, in this poetic image. Marvelous.

    Once I'm wholly chilled,
    you'd frost this sweetie
    with your favorite frosting
    or decorate as you desire

    ^ I'm craving cupcakes now..... though I know that this is sad, but the taste is overwhelming, you know :p

    But, I'm neither as sweet as you
    imagine, nor I'm a drift of breath
    to blow with passion into
    your kitchen of love.

    ^ I'm struck by this image: that he made love his kitchen. he can do whatever he wants.. mix things together... and the blowing breath of passion... mmm... I wonder if you mean some birthday or something..... anyway, that is so warming.

    I'm more than a trend of sweets
    that you might find in a cook book,
    dedicated to cupcakes.

    ^ Now, your tone is getting more serious. I love the play, again.

    Not a piece for one individual,

    ^ love this... a cupcake = a solo cake

    like you convince yourself while
    you swallow your sanity-with
    a spit of wine

    ^ haha... each time I'm telling you I love this and that... so you should get used to that. brilliant images.......................... creativeeee!!!

    Though I've once been burnt,
    by the hands of a disloyal chef..

    ^ Girl. This should WINNNNNN.

    You "ought" to touch up
    a lady in a better..
    not.......in a bitter, cup.

    ^ Wow. just wow. I'm totally struck!!!! but I wonder why ought is between ".."
    mmm... can it be a term in cooking too?

    Better vs. Bitter. Melody to my ears.. and more perfection.

  • 5 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Thanks a LOT LOT everyone! and I left it in quotation marks to serve ...necessity :P

  • 5 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Not a piece for one individual,
    like you convince yourself while
    you swallow your sanity-with
    a spit of wine that mixes
    each inch of pleasure, with
    irrational understanding of
    my sadness.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^
    When I first read this I was a little unsure of what it meant, I have some ideas but they are probably way off the mark, but here's what I saw, that each piece of the cupcake is individual to you but it is just a part of you, and together it makes you a bigger person, that no-one can know you if they only see a little part of you. That's my interpretation, like I said I may be way off the mark here.

    Though I've once been burnt,
    by the hands of a disloyal chef..
    and perhaps my hands now,
    look stiff-
    as my words sound,
    and my eyes, a bit bitter
    like my tongue.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    That some people judge you and that hurts you, and you may seem cold at times when it comes to yourself

    But I'm not a leftover,
    not anyone's crumbles
    to be stitched, cleansed,
    or even redecorated into a
    whole new plate.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    but at the end of the day, you are yourself first and what you are is more than just that little piece of you.

    You "ought" to touch up
    a lady in a better..
    not.......in a bitter, cup.
    ^^^^^^^^^
    Loved this ending, such a strong piece, shows your confidence in yourself, and you know who you are inside

    I think Nana, that you are, no, I know that you are an amazing person first and a terrific writer at that, you are so creative,
    it's awe inspiring.

    Love ya loads girl
    love always
    mwah

    xxxxxx

  • 5 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Judges comments:

    tiebreaker's comment:

    This tasty diatribe levels Nana's potent talent against those predatory wolves who seek out the heartbroken only to use them for their own nefarious purposes. There is no other poet here who is better equipped to carry off this challenge while speaking in sugar sweet terms. Who else could make such a 'recipe' sound so appealing while baking the object of her derision a rare offering from the dark side of sunshine

  • 5 years ago

    by alka mendiratta

    Congrats for the win. The judges say it all. This is the most powerful write I have come across depicting the strength of an intelligent woman writing with such beautiful metaphors.Wow!

  • 5 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    That was truuuuuly heartbreaking! What an imagery, Nana.

    I know what this is speaking of, or at least that's what my tiny mind could understand. Guys with sweet talking, gifts, perfumes, flowers...then BOM a heartbreak! I'm not sure if this poem was personal but I felt as if you were right in my heart, because the pain and the hurt you painted in your words were unbelievably true. What makes it a perfect piece is that you used the cupcakes simile or I don't know what it's called...still it dug deeeeeep into my heart and took out old memories that I was SO afraid to recall and just gave me chills! You absolutely moved my heart. The 'more sugar' sentence made me feel how bitter your heart is, like still adding sugar and....W0W! Y'know what I mean?
    I don't really like the space between your question marks, I don't know maybe you'll think I'm bla bla bla-ing but really it made it look not professional. I LOVEEEEE the 'was that your recipe' line, sarcastic...bitter ....scornful...and held tone!

    'I wonder, were you ready
    to insert a knife in the center
    of my soul, until it comes out
    spotless, just to make sure
    I was ready to be cooled...'

    ^
    MY DEAR GOD! Will he dare!? I may cut him to pieces, lol! What a stanza, I become amateurish with my comments when it comes to your poetry, Nana. I can't help myself! haha. You are so sensitive I feel bad about that, don't trust unworthy people, sweetheart, don't give your heart away because it is way more precious than you think ;) I hope this piece made you feel better like innu fashayti 5el2ek bas ....ummmm I don't know we have not talked since a longgg long while so dunno what's new in your life anyway.... This poem was remarkable like every piece of yours. Please keep writing.

  • 5 years ago

    by Schrodingers cat

    Very eloquently written!! Great piece.

  • 5 years ago

    by A lonely soul

    Well, well, well....another metaphorical beauty, somewhat of an allegory from the pen of a master poetess. But, this time around she is not portraying vulnerability or sadness, but strength, wisdom and conviction, perhaps from lessons learned. The analogy of a new chef (a rescuer here) cooking/baking a sweet cupcake (seducing, an art that some are really talented at), and lacing it with his favorite frosting (honey sweet words iced with lots of sugar, to get attention) to make it more sweet (vulnerable), really made me laugh all the way. Sometimes, this art may work on a grieving heart successfully, or a naive soul, but if the rescuee is as smart as the Poetess's projected character in this poem, she will not be that easy to let down her guard. And this time it will have to be a master chef who really understands the exquisite delicacy of this recipe (feelings) and finds the magic ingredients (honesty, intelligence, compassion and loyalty), before attempting to taste the "cupcake". So tastefully presented here:

    "But, I'm neither as sweet as you
    imagine, nor I'm a drift of breath
    to blow with passion into
    your kitchen of love.

    I'm more than a trend of sweets
    that you might find in a cook book,
    dedicated to cupcakes."

    For, if the chef really wants a delicacy from his oven, he will have to recognize:

    "...I'm not a leftover,
    not anyone's crumbles
    to be stitched, cleansed,
    or even redecorated into a
    whole new plate.

    You "ought" to touch up
    a lady in a better..
    not.......in a bitter, cup."

    and be someone who has the real character, intelligence and loyalty to match the delicate recipe on his hands, to prove that he is not just another chef who will burn her to "crumbs", in "trying to take advantage of a broken heart, to fix, and call it his own", in the Poetess's own words. So very tastefully baked, with the right amount of frosting to capture the mood of the character in this partial allegory, by our lovely Sunshine "cupcake". (10)

    (Judging comment 2-26-12)