Achilles' heel

by Sunshine   Feb 23, 2012


God witnessed my defeat, today,
while I lost one more battle
infront of the devil buried
somewhere behind our sight.
In the evil desire in which we
are all absorbed.

My strength got strangled in
the pettiness of obscurity,
that was wrapping each single
inch of my skin. Chocking
with dust that sheathed
my tongue. For I never knew
my mind would be a home,
of ignorance...

Then I woke up conquered
and recognized that I am
occupied by sins that circulate
in my blood...tirelessly.
As if my conscious is a wide
ocean that leaps from the
coldest cores of both poles.
Frozen...

I wonder...God witnessed
my loss ? Or is it actually
that I have betrayed God.

Perhaps it was the heels
I wear, or infact,
the feeble stands I take.

by: Rania Moallem

note:" An Achilles' heel is a deadly weakness in spite of overall strength, that can actually or potentially lead to downfall"

Meaning:"A weak or vulnerable factor"

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Jon914

    One of the few poems on this site that made perfect sense without being overly cheesy at all. This is good work.

  • 12 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Wow!!! I'm speechless! This poem is amazing, just I can't even express how much I love this poem...

    I love every metaphor, every image you penned in this poem... each one is more powerful than the other... I can't even choose a favorite.

    But I must say I looooove these parts:

    "My strength got strangled in
    the pettiness of obscurity,
    that was wrapping each single
    inch of my skin."

    "For I never knew
    my mind would be a home,
    of ignorance..."

    "I am
    occupied by sins that circulate
    in my blood...tirelessly."

    And the ending was just perfect..... I love the title, and I love how you based this about Achilles' heel... it was such an inspiring poem... because we all have weaknesses and I definitely could relate... I know I try to be strong most of the time and hide my weakness... This poem really moved me. I just really love it.

    5/5 and worth winning!

  • 12 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    MY FIRST QUESTION IS: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WRITE AMAZING POEMS NANA?
    I read this while at work, and I was like gobsmacked and it kept me pondering all session, I was like... Hmmm, what does that bit mean? Where does that fit in?
    My analysis may be a little long winded today, I am afraid...so

    God witnessed my defeat, today,
    while I lost one more battle
    infront of the devil buried
    somewhere behind our sight.
    In the evil desire in which we
    are all absorbed.
    ^^^^
    Awesome opening, very strong, powerful words, and great imagery, I guess here that you are saying that it was a difficult today, that the other side of you won...as we all have another side to us that sometimes takes over

    My strength got strangled in
    the pettiness of obscurity,
    that was wrapping each single
    inch of my skin. Chocking
    with dust that sheathed
    my tongue. For I never knew
    my mind would be a home,
    of ignorance...
    ^^^^^^^^^^
    You became weak but the reason was something very small, but it consumed you. The words were tongue tied, you couldn't understand and you didnt realise that you were in this place.

    Then I woke up conquered
    and recognized that I am
    occupied by sins that circulate
    in my blood...tirelessly.
    As if my conscious is a wide
    ocean that leaps from the
    coldest cores of both poles.
    Frozen...
    ^^^^^^^
    You regret something, you don't know why and its making you cold, you feel calculated and unsure of the path to take...

    I wonder...God witnessed
    my loss ? Or is it actually
    that I have betrayed God.
    ^^^^^^
    Love the questions, in this did you betray god or was this god betraying you, did he witness your fall and why did he allow it?

    Perhaps it was the heels
    I wear, or infact,
    the feeble stands I take.
    ^^^^^^^
    Great ending Nana, this left me pondering so much, it was really thought provoking piece, and I love that about your work,
    you really do write some awesome stuff girl

    Love always
    Mwah
    Hugs
    xxxxx

  • 12 years ago

    by Yakori bint Muhammed

    I'm out of words for starts but i just hard to fight through my words to say this. Very captivating title, got me thinking, whether this is linked to the movie 'Troy'. My best is the 2nd stanza followed by where he's asking whether God saw all that has befallen him or if he'd committed an evil act towards God. Feeling despondent and pessimistic he's doubting his confidence and ability to persue his responsiblities. A very relatable piece, written exquisitely and with vivid imagery. In as much as life is a roller coaster, at times when we're going through some trials and tribulations, we question our belief? Which is a sign of weakness but with a determimed force to conquer and be triumphant, life dwells into diverse stages that challenges our faith and wit. I love this piece so much, definitely a 5 from me. Brilliance with in depth muse from a diva with soulful words. KUDOS! With love rosey love, stay blessed. :).

  • 12 years ago

    by Lioness

    Wooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

    Firstly the title is so eye catching. I was wondering what your Achilles' heel is.

    I love the first stanza - I love how you have mentioned that God watched you be defeated and then go on to say in front of the devil. It was like it was the devil who made you lose.

    This poem is very powerful, dark and an absolute enjoy to read.

    Nana this is so good I can't even begin lol

    x

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