Comments : One Simple Reason

  • 12 years ago

    by XxLastHopexX

    "If you give me a reason than I will fight like hell
    If you can tell me why I'm here than please began to tell

    This pessimistic attitude I just can't seem to shake
    Every night when I am alone I always seem to break"

    I love how you start this poem. The first stanzas are strong.

    My faith and strength are fading away
    So I pray for a miracle almost every day.

    I would get rid of "almost" in this verse to make it flow more.

    Something to guide me into a place
    Full of joy and a loving embrace

    Here I would change "into" to "to."

    "I strive for success more than I achieve
    I long for the day when I once again can believe."

    Perhaps you can add the word "can" before the word "achieve." I would also move the "I" in the second line after "again" instead of before "once," in addition to getting rid of the word "can" in the second line.

    "Believe that life is a beautiful gift
    Not something that seems too heavy to lift

    If you give me a reason than I will wipe away these tears
    And live my life to the fullest with no more fears"

    I love these two stanzas. Perfect way to end this poem. These were just some small changes I would make, but over all this poem was great. Keep writing.