Comments : Fraudulent Lips

  • 12 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    I know what it's like to look at the person in the mirror and feel nothing but disgust, wishing you were someone else...
    I am guessing, and I may be off the mark but I am guessing that you are talking to your OCD, personifying it, or maybe the representation of lips is about words that are spoken, in your mind.

    Whether I am right or clutching at straws, I think this poem is really well worded, it is simple yet deep and creative, with an inner story to it I am sure

    As always Liz, a really exceptionally well penned poem

    Love always,
    x

  • 12 years ago

    by Autuumnbree

    Sad poem, Yes I know and understand these feelings very well. We wish that we could change just the little things about ourselves but we can't. I now find those things that I hate the most is what makes me unique and unique is beautiful.

    Excellent piece.

  • 12 years ago

    by Decayed

    Your fraudulent lips

    ^ I had to look for 'fraudulent' .. my stupidity, it originates from fraud :p .. haha, it's a powerful word, 'deceitful..' .. and I love how you opened with it.

    seem to hum a
    forbidden tune
    which my ears
    are pleading
    to ignore.

    ^ Just.. I'm in love with this stanza. Humming a forbidden tune? -- I wonder what this tune is. And why your ears wish to ignore it. I can smell a thrill :)

    You look at
    me as though I
    am your enemy

    ^ I can feel that it's about a personal problem with someone.

    but remember,
    it was my back
    that was turned
    to you the whole
    time.

    ^ I wonder why would you turn your back at him/her??? An enemy, he/she is.

    You saw an opportunity
    so you stabbed
    me with the sharpest

    ^ I was waiting for the 'stab' part .. I suggest you substitute 'the sharpest' with 'an incisive' .. dunno, it just would sound more poetic :P

    blade you could find,
    and in the process
    I could feel the pain
    behind me as well as in
    my heart.

    ^ LOVE it. So not only did the blade cut your back, but it pierced your heart (ie: the stab is really deep, and it wouldn't heal fast)

    I wonder, if you can
    smell the blood that is
    seeping freely from

    ^ I always like how seeping sounds, I like this word a lot. And the image, it just reddens my screen. bloody amazing (Ozzie accent :)

    That is what I
    get for looking
    into a mirror
    and finding that
    the person looking
    back at me is
    the one I
    despise
    the most.

    ^ What the hells? Holy potatoes! there is a mirror in here. So it's you.. I'm speechless. This end is totally unexpected. So brilliantly penned, and the grudge you hold against your self... the loathsomeness you feel when you look at yourself in the mirror...

    this whole buildup spoke to me because your words spoke to me. They are real, they are lived. They are invincible.

    Amazing write, Liz !!

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    Intriguing piece,

    I like when I see my reflection without wearing glasses lol
    Because I'm almost blind. But you know I need to re read this piece before I continue writing more.

    So I'll be back to it.

  • 12 years ago

    by Innocent Fairy

    I agree with everyone,,,wow I loved it,,I almost wanted to be like I'm not in the mood to read but I couldn't stop reading I was sucked it and bam an ending with fireworks,,marvelous peice I loved it amazingly written by a great poet you,,you seem to hit the right target each time hitting 5/5 endlessly by all ur great writes,,fantastic job

  • 12 years ago

    by Wicked Ways

    Wow,

    that was a really good read. . . I loved it too, i loved how you wrote it. . . how it didn't say it was a mirror until the end. . . . people can definitely feel this way I know I do. . . and great title for this too, I love the idea. . . awesome poem :)

  • 12 years ago

    by Ronel McCarthy

    Deep and powerful ...........sometimes we are our our enemy . Very clever way to show the enemy within . Wonderful as always :)

  • 12 years ago

    by Timothy

    Wow. This is such a strong piece - if I were to measure the strength of most pieces. I'd say that the structure allows the tension to build as each line unlocks the door to the next. Everything is just very, very good. Great!

  • 12 years ago

    by Ole Carsten

    Hi Lioness

    You are making some great thing, I amazed, this is punch lines

    caused without
    any regret.

    They never know what hit them..

    You are some special woman

  • 12 years ago

    by Karla

    Liz

    I loved your poem. Stunning piece. Exalt!

  • 12 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Ohh Liz, I'm speechless... I wish I could give you a huge in depth comment to this piece, but I simply can't... the piece is so emotional... and it shook some feelings within me.. Thank you for sharing this piece with us...

  • 12 years ago

    by Chelsey

    So often in life we make mistakes, do things we regret, and our refelction turns ugly and we don't realize who we've become....this poem expresses that very well.

    I loved the third stanza about feeling pain behind you. What a good way of saying someone stabbed you in the back. Those are people we don't need in our lives....great work

  • 12 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    The ending is what makes the poem so beautiful ... it hits you hard ... like a bitter realization ... very strong and powerful poem.