Comments : Nightfall [Novo Otto]

  • 12 years ago

    by Hellon

    I'm never going to claim to understand your poetry Mel but....for some reason I'm always drawn to it. Perhaps it because you sometimes throw a little something in that I do understand...like the reference to Van Gogh here and now I'm wondering....did you use this painting as a prompt for this write? In my imagination...you could have....it's one of my favourites by him and yet you refer to the city that never sleeps....you're a very interesting poet Mel.

  • 12 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    You always have the most beautiful ways of describing things. I always love the hidden symbolism, it makes the poem a bit of a challenge to really understand the meaning but this is what makes me fall in love with your poetry - from the bluebells to the phantom leaves. Gorgeous write & formed poetry.

  • 12 years ago

    by Britt

    Mel*

    For someone who says they 1. can't do formed poetry and 2. can't rhyme, you sure do rub it in the faces of those people who like to do formed (rhyming) poetry.. just so you know lol. You really need to start giving your talent and abilities a little more credit, because you definitely have a gift. I know you're modest, but dang girl.

    Most people do each line as though there is a full stop or line break but no, not you. I love that you ended one of the lines with 'and' and later rhymed with withstand.. that type of stuff makes it so clever and original that it just wows me.

    Your imagery is wonderful as well, it's all so beautiful and like Hellon I think you used the painting as a prompt. It's so similar but you just made it beautiful with your words, and painted his picture in our minds.

    This is absolutely wonderful and I hope to see you double win this next week. I've nominated this :)

  • 12 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Mel, This was absolutely fantastic,
    I won't pretend to understand this, nor will I understand your abilities,

    The rhyming was so subtle yet strong and drew this piece to me, I love the form and how expertly this is done,

    reading Britt's comment, I can't grasp how you'd say you can't do forms or rhyme because I've never read anything like this before, that subtle grace and element of purity is so beautiful

    Great imagery and wording, love xxxx

  • 12 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    Bla bla bla,
    I don't know if I understand this either..but I'm sure as hell going to pretend I do.
    (bite me, haha!)... I got the painting in Art history but do I remember its meaning? no.
    do I remember to which time it belonged? no. but just remembering in my mind, I think of the expressionist, and of the abstract.. what was it again, dem.

    the expressionist were the savages right? they never took into consideration the rules of art and just did what their heart told them, and then..the Abstract belongs to all times, in abstraction everything is reduced to lines, to shape and mostly the primary colors.. in the abstract you give away the truth...soul above material..yadadadada and all the crap a gots to know for my exam,

    but anyways....
    let me get to the poem and me pretending to understand this..

    You were a Saturday nightfall;
    a thousand phantom leaves would sprawl
    'gainst the valley of my waist and
    breathed bluebells from jawline to wrist.
    ^

    this is beautifully worded, and it has a really sensual touch here too, if not my dirty mind..but when I think of "the jawline to wrist" I think ..of something that would send shivers through your whole body.. and the comparison to the falling night of a Saturday, makes me think of relaxation, you know..why..
    because after Saturday comes Sunday...
    its like, "ah, one more day to breath before the hecticness of monday"
    its like falling asleep very late saturday and not worrying because you don't have to wake early... and then the "you were"
    makes me think that this person had this, saturday night effect on you.. all the time.

    The city who never sleeps midst
    moss train tracks of your timeworn hands,
    eyes that mimed Van Gogh's starry night,
    a body weaved in fairy lights -
    a memory I can't withstand

    ^
    And then this,
    the painting, oh yes..
    me thinking of it as belonging to the expressionist...
    the picture itself seems so wild, and free
    even the colors, like someone was just expressing what they were feeling at that instant.. and you comparing the eyes of a person to that ...makes me think of it, as giving you so much feeling and so much to think about..

    As for body of fairy lights, bah, its obvious is just about someone having a sexy ass body and the memory of it eating you away..

    always your finest,
    LEARN TO TAP YOURSELF ON THE SHOULDERS MY LOVE...

    THERE WAS NO EARTHQUACKE OKAY,
    IT WAS JUTS YOUR POETRY ROCKING THE WORLD...

    XOX0

  • 11 years ago

    by Moonlit Candles

    This was an awesome poem. Your use of imagery is great here. You draw your reader in so well. Just with the city and lights. It's like i'm walking on the the train tracks and can see the celestial lights from a distance. All in all a great write. :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Steven Beesley

    Simply breathtaking, I am completely spellbound by the beautiful verse.

    Such a pleasure to read.