The Sonnet of the Sun and Shadows
(Petrarchan Sonnet-Italian Sonnet)
These old feeble eyes weep 'neath raven's call
As thunder's distant edge doth touch the sand,
Born shadowed mist drifts, burning skies and land
As time flows in whispers, only to loll.
And through thorny dreams, cruel sleep shall crawl
Drowsing in the webs, of thy trusty hand.
Meadows blooming daisies shall wake and stand
A rising of breath for all big and small.
Mists melt into rainbows, from far and wide
As mountains of green tip blue painted skies,
While the moon slumbers ,'neath the breast of dawn.
Rays red as roses blush from the moon's bride.
As sprouts on the hilltop all start to rise,
Until the sun's curtains are slowly drawn.
(Petrarchan Sonnet-Italian Sonnet)
The first 8 lines is called the octave and rhymes:
a b b a a b b a
The remaining 6 lines is called the sestet and I used -
c d e c d e
Larry & Hellon's main forum, formed poetry contest*
Lu, you snuck this sonnet online without my realizing it. I've been waiting to comment on it forever.
First of all, your line beat, rhyme scheme and line endings are perfection. The structure of the sonnet is much more subtle. It took several readings to understand, but once it hit me: WOW!
The opening octet is the mourning of the passage of a great person - the closing sextet the resolution that life goes on.
The fact that you tell it in odic form makes the final impact more powerful. Incidentally, the odic form also makes the double syllable of 'cru-el' more pronounced.
The weeping eyes linked to ravens' calls provide the introduction of the theme of mourning most profoundly. More subtle is the image of thunder, strong and dynamic, touching the sand, becoming still and buried.
The world is dimmed by a mist 'born shadowed' which, by this person's death, burns the heavens and earth alike; the depth of grief stops the speaker from active life, time is in a back water. You are tormented by unyielding nightmares in which glimpses of the person only add to your pain.
Your ability to go on is made possible only by recognition of this person's life value (heralded by daisies' breath).
Now comes the dawn of your acceptance: the shrouding mist transforms into the hope symbolized by a rainbow. The world is given light and sun again, affording you courage and understanding of the cycle of death and life.
The sonnet is absolutely superb. If a cursory reading does not yield its magnificence, a more studied approach makes it absolutely worthwhile!
6 years ago
I have to give you major, major, major props for pulling this form off. I know you don't like forms, but you rocked this one. I think you probably used one of the hardest versions you possibly could, and the way you executed this piece.. oh, it's beautiful.
I adore the use of old language.. I typically don't, but you didn't over do it and I feel like it works best in sonnets. It's a poem I've read a few times and have been waiting for proper time to comment, I feel there is SO much to this poem.
I keep trying to go through and pick the pieces that I like the most. I adore the use of moon's bride (biased a little right now haha), and felt the imagery throughout the whole poem was just amazing... too amazing - I can't pinpoint what part is my favorite! I think I may try to recite this one on vocaroo, this is such a strong poem and I feel very dramatically written.
I don't know how you do it, Lu, but you mastered this!