Comments : Uncalled-for

  • 6 years ago

    by Lioness

    It has been a while since
    I last visited you, loneliness.
    Why is it only you who come
    visiting me these days? I don't
    ever recall myself missing you.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Oh lord this is a brilliant stanza. What a way to start a poem. I lovvvvvvve how you have said that loneliness has been visiting you. As if it were personified as someone. I love the whole I don't recall missing you so why are you here. I can't imagine anyone wanting to feel lonely

    You come bearing with your
    silence this aching emptiness,
    but you always deceive me by
    wrapping it up with the serenity
    of a new moon in a dark night.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    I love it. Everything that surrounds you is beautiful but it is deceiving because you are still lonely. Unlike the moon in a dark night sky. Beautiful stanza.

    I don't think I can survive another
    midnight with you by my side. Go
    find another one who may be calling
    for your companionship, and always
    know that I will miss you not.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    The way you have told loneliness to leave you be and that you don't want to feel this way anymore. You will never miss it because you never want to be lonely.

    I just swallowed your final dose
    tonight, and I admit it, you won
    again. So rebirth a new meaning
    to my life, or simply take it away
    in you trip to find a new solitary
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    An awesome ending to an awesome poem. It is like to me though you saying that you swallowed the final dose of loneliness makes me think you have taken control.

    A very powerful poem, love the metaphors. AWESOME JOB

    x

  • 6 years ago

    by RSJ

    You're a master in showing your emotions on paper
    a master

  • 6 years ago

    by Decayed

    Loneliness... you never know when it would come out of the blue, uninvited.
    And the best part was when you said that silence befriends loneliness.. and they visit you together, hand in hand.

    Two seconds ago, Nana's SAD BREAD killed me.... and now, this comes to increase the sadness within.

    Beautiful..

  • 6 years ago

    by Steven Croat

    Great poem!I loved your lines!

    Steven

  • 6 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    I like this! It was unexpected, and I like how you are addressing loneliness in this poem.. it was nice to see the struggles a person gets when they're lonely, and how they wish they can control that feeling. I also think many people can relate to this.

    I really love the opening stanza, especially this part:
    "Why is it only you who come
    visiting me these days? I don't
    ever recall myself missing you."

    >> I like how you say you don't miss loneliness, yet it still visits you. I like the irony in it.

    I love this part as well:

    "but you always deceive me by
    wrapping it up with the serenity
    of a new moon in a dark night."

    Great poem!! <3

  • 6 years ago

    by Prasad B

    Most of the tymz we want sum1 to b close to us but apart from d person all oders vl b close to u, n u say to urself y all these ppl, wen it shud hav been d one n only spcl one... in a huge crowd, we feel as if we r so sad n alone....
    suddenly a call or msg... may light up our face thinkin yuppp.. finally it z d only one we hav been eagerly waitin for, n d very nxt second our heart becomes heavy, eyes tearful, n as a large frown takes oer our lil broad smyl... coz its not d one, its sum1 else...
    n this thing happens even if we keep on avoidin d persons who r alwys der 4 us at d expense of d one whom we miss so much without actually knowing whether dat person also misses us as much as we miss d person.... n again a lonely heartbreaking n a sleepless question mark???

    We keep on waitin, thinkin, anticipatin n wat dat greets us at d end of each special second is emptiness, loneliness n silence......

    lyf is as such n ur poem truly potrays all such feelings in a lonely individual waitin 4 sum1, sumthin.....:) fakin to b happy... Or wantin 2 setfree...Nyc one as u alwys giv us fella poets d best u can, keep it up gIrL

  • 6 years ago

    by Matthew Schut

    WOW!!! There is so much emotion in here!! I LOVE THIS POEM!!! wow!!! :) I'm just amazed!!! Good work my friend!!!!

  • 6 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Hello thereeee, my dear..this is very sad, a poem to be related to, by many I presume. I love the inner rhyming, I love the idea behind it, and it sounds as if written in a moment of inspiration! Not sure, just how it sounds, because it's all wrapped up on the same idea perfectly, this is how poets nail poems when inspired by something..oorr sadness itself.

    I suggest you to use a semicolon rather than a comma, before loneliness in your second line, it would serve meaning clarity..the way it is right now, makes you feel like someone is visiting "loneliness" as a 1st impression, which doesn't make sense, hence with a 2nd read it sounds right, loneliness visiting you...in your case, so yap..a semicolon sounds better here :] since you're metaphorically refering to "loneliness" as a subject..
    other than that, it's perfect!

  • 6 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    When I read this poem for the first time, I was blown away by how I felt afterwards. Everyone has had a visit from Loneliness and can relate, but the way the author of this poem creatively wrote this was breathtaking.

    The title: When I choose a poem, the title needs to grip me in some way, and when I read the title, my first thought was "Uh oh, somebodies going to get a chewing out"!, as I started to read, I was hooked on this poem immediately!

    First stanza: What a powerful first stanza, she's talking to loneliness and questioning as to why for so many visits, and I found this a unique approach and I could feel her frustration.

    Second stanza: I loved how she then proceeds to call out loneliness about deception with the "serenity of a new moon in a dark night" I really loved this ending line of the second stanza!!

    Third stanza: Oh my heart weighed heavy on this one... and I felt like crying, taking me back to days of my dreary loneliness visits. The ending line again made me smile, letting loneliness know that it will not be missed!

    Ending stanza: At this point, the first few lines really did make me cry, and I wanted to hug the author letting her know I truly understood and when the poem ended I had a pile of tissues piling up on my lap top!

    As I close my comment I just want to say, what a unique and creative way of expressing the sad emotions that are felt when loneliness visits! Powerful poem, well done gIrL aka Meme

  • 6 years ago

    by Yakori bint Muhammed

    This poem is full of lovely imagery and the flow is brisk like the air. To me its about the subjects decision to cut off contact, be it a frosty friendship or a troubling relationship. He or she has been trying to manage the alliance but nothing rewarding is worth her time. There's this daring tone that the subject conveys, which tells one the kind of persona he or she is; an assertive person so to say. I love the metaphor you used in portraying this sad but beatiful poem. The 2nd stanza is my best, such a brilliant poem dear, i love your style. Bless you, Jazakallah!!! ;).

  • 6 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    When I read this poem for the first time, I was blown away by how I felt afterwards.

    Everyone has had a visit from Loneliness and can relate, but the way the author of this poem creatively wrote this was breathtaking.

    The title: When I choose a poem, the title needs to grip me in some way, and when I read the title, my first thought was "Uh oh, somebodies going to get a chewing out"!, as I started to read, I was hooked on this poem immediately!
    First stanza: What a powerful first stanza, she's talking to loneliness and questioning as to why for so many visits, and I found this a unique approach and I could feel her frustration.
    Second stanza: I loved how she then proceeds to call out loneliness about deception with the "serenity of a new moon in a dark night" I really loved this ending line of the second stanza!!
    Third stanza: Oh my heart weighed heavy on this one... and I felt like crying, taking me back to days of my dreary loneliness visits. The ending line again made me smile, letting loneliness know that it will not be missed!
    Ending stanza: At this point, the first few lines really did make me cry, and I wanted to hug the author letting her know I truly understood and when the poem ended I had a pile of tissues piling up on my lap top!

    As I close my comment I just want to say, what a unique and creative way of expressing the sad emotions that are felt when loneliness visits! Powerful poem, well done gIrL aka Meme