Comments : Lumbar Support

  • 11 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    We don't appreciate a good thing until it's lost

  • 11 years ago

    by A lonely soul

    Lumbar support, a title I found irresistable to read. A creative metaphor in here:

    I knew you had my back
    My vision was clear like a basketball backboard
    I thought my life was back on track
    You saved me and became my lumbar support

    I thought this was also ingenious:

    I cannot help it. I was born this way
    Thrown in this world with a crooked spine
    I really tried but in the end I was forced to say:
    One cannot live of roses and red wine

    but, I would have worded it slightly differently, e.g.

    I cannot help the way I was born
    Thrown in this world with a crooked spine
    Unable to straighten, I stayed that way
    but many a times, I wonder
    Can one live off roses and red wine?

    Similarly, here:

    The pain is still here and we are no more
    The moments we had, the time we spend
    It always ended with me outside your door
    Because the division in effort was bend

    I would have worded it differently:

    The pain is still here and we are broken
    The moments we had, the time we spent
    Divisive roads, that often sent me
    seeking a cure to my bend, back to your door
    to find the miracle, in your lumbar support

    This last stanza:

    It doesn't matter how hard you try. My spirit never dies
    I stopped being miserable, stopped being sad
    Suddenly this vision will appear in front of your eyes
    You'll see I was the best you ever had

    I could have written it a little differently:

    Wipe me out of your dreams
    but, my spirits would never die
    I know, one day
    You will see, what you missed
    and will I ever forget
    my best lumbar support

    The thoughts are what matter, regardless of the wordings, so I liked what you projected.

  • 11 years ago

    by Yrem Crish

    Nice piece and the message you conveyed in this piece have many lessons to learn. Good job. Keep writing:))

  • 11 years ago

    by DeviousCharmer

    Nicely written