Comments : The ABC's of suffering.

  • 5 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    This is an awesome piece, the ABC of suffering

  • 5 years ago

    by Jenn

    First off going to say I love it!
    Very powerful it flows well, acrostic poems are not always the easiest to write. You did great!

    "Crying souls that seem to cry out in pain."
    If I Would change anything, it would probably be the end to this line. I think it might sound better if said --Crying souls that seem to be in pain...--
    Then your not repeating the word crying in the same sentence.

    But even with that I love it.
    "Ageless scars that seem to show too much of the past.
    Bleeding wounds that seem to always last."

    So right Some wounds never heal, and every scar speaks to much. An amazing piece, 5/5 keep it up.
    Jenn

  • 5 years ago

    by Lofallenve

    I have to agree on the words that Jenn has said. This is awesome! :) The flow fantastic, and the overall subject remained in each sentence. Great job on the acrostic poem. :)

    Edit:
    I was going to say the same thing about "xterminating." lol. :P But I like how you finished it, it turned out to be very good indeed :D

  • 5 years ago

    by Something Diabolical

    A very hard thing to do! the ABC's of suffering...
    i'm very surprised you managed to do this so well!..
    "Xterminating" begins with an E.. but i'll let it slide haha =P

    "Ageless scars that seem to show too much of the past.
    Bleeding wounds that seem to always last."

    An amazing start to an amazing piece! i was captivated the whole time

    the flow and rythm were fantastic
    Loved it!.. right up my alley!

    keep writing more!
    5/5 from me

  • 5 years ago

    by Xanthe

    First of all, hats off to you for this piece. Really amazing, and going directly to my favorites.
    "Bleeding wounds that seem to always last."
    ---I quite don't like the 'always' and 'last', last is like to remain or continue, maybe forever, and always seem to be like that. Let me see if I can explain.. It's like saying 'dark black' or 'circular moon', it is generally known like that, so I suggest you replace 'always', you seem to be rhyming 'last'..
    "Prying fingers that only long to tear out your
    heart."
    AND
    "Zephyr with a chill as dead as night."
    Stuck with me, I like those..
    And another thing, I'm not too keen on the 'xterminating', why not 'Xanthe' lol jk xD
    But like the comment above, I'll let that slide.
    Overall, an amazing piece. Thoroughly enjoyed this
    -X

  • 5 years ago

    by CryingHeart

    My oh my
    "Killers that lurk at every corner.
    Lingering tempers, as they only grow shorter.
    Maddening ghost that live on your fear.
    Neglecting memories that always make you want to get out of here.
    Oppressed people who hide in the dark.
    Prying fingers that only long to tear out your heart.
    Questioning glances from people new in this town."
    i don knw hw sm1 can be so creative :)
    keep on writing 5/5

  • 5 years ago

    by Max

    This is nice poem i like the flow , words , everything
    tho some parts i didnt like alot but over all i liked alot keep on =)

  • 5 years ago

    by Kitty Kurse

    Haha, I loved the flow I liked how you went from A to Z, Loved your use of words.
    "Ageless scars that seem to show too much of the past.
    Bleeding wounds that seem to always last."

    This line, right here I can relate to a MILLION times. I was once a cutter you see, and the scars never go away, and are always reminding me of the past, so when i look down all i see is scars and i'm reminded of when i first cut them and the pain always comes back to me because i am reminded of that feeling.

    "Unwelcome death that tears you by your seams.
    Vanishing people who once had a dream.
    Wasted lives who hoped for something more."

    I myself have had an Unwelcome death. I had a friend who died laying in the road with his love... It tore me apart,. Yes vanishing people had a dream but their lives were not wasted. I sort of have to think of the positive when it comes to this, taking my friend for example. At least my friend and his girlfriend got to spend their last few minutes of their lives together and at least he was happy, seeing how most of his life he was depressed.

    5/5

  • 5 years ago

    by Khalid

    Beyond good

  • 5 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    This is amazing!!! love it 5/5

  • 5 years ago

    by shane Netherly

    It is very well composed my Beloved

  • 5 years ago

    by Silent Girl

    I like the title of this poem :)

  • 5 years ago

    by lost lover

    Wow... im speachless... this is awesome good job, better than anything i could write

  • 5 years ago

    by Darren

    Very good, clever concept (i'll ignore the cheating on X) !!
    Only joking,

    Unwelcome death that tears you by your seams.

    I like this line the best, it's thought provoking.

    If you want some suggestions, I would say that sometimes you can use too many words, when fewer would sharpen it.

    ex,

    Ageless scars that show too much of the past. (seem to removed)
    You have it in line two, which works better and you should avoid using the same terminology too close together.

    Neglecting memories that always make you want to get out of here.

    This line sticks right out as the longest.
    And is a little sticky,
    Neglecting memories that make you want to flee,?

    Or similar

    just a couple of examples,

    otherwise good job.

    regards

    Darren

  • 4 years ago

    by My Other Side

    Your ability to rhyme is astounding. The content and subject matter is like getting hit by a machine gun. Tatatata...one after the other. You seem to be well acquainted with the negative charges that life offers. I like to read poetry, it helps me to remember how horrible people can be, and how strong others are because of them. You really mixed it up in this one...line after line of take that, and that, and that one too.

  • 3 years ago

    by xXxMidnight SoulxXx

    I love it Dani my imagination would've gone what should i put for x or z?