I wish you were.....

by Missy Panda MayheM   May 2, 2012


*holds out my hand*
Take my hand hold it tight,
Don't be scared I'll make this right.

*lifts you up*
On your feet my beautiful girl,
Lets change the face of this world.

*starts to run*
Quick come on we gotta go,
We don't have time now to be slow.

*Jumps*
Do you trust me?

Where will we land?

So many questions we don't understand.

I'll take you to the end of time,
Because then maybe you'll truly be mine.

2


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Latest Comments

  • 1 year ago

    by BlueJay

    I like the use of the action indicators in this piece. It is a new agey way of getting a point across, but it worked very well while also noting that you are a proud part of the newer generation of poets. I also think that your word choice worked very well for the most part, although, I will say that there were a few places where it got a bit choppy. There was no need for the three question marks, and it made it a bit distracting to read this, because I wasn't sure if you were wanting me to pause or if you were trying to emphasise something - so I wasn't really a fan of that, but overall this was a great piece of writing.

    I look forward to seeing more from you.

    3/5

    • 1 year ago

      by Missy Panda MayheM

      Thank you so much for your comment and I totally see what you are saying with the multiple "?"s I'll adjust that.

  • 1 year ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    Hello BPK,

    I love this piece full of feelings. .
    excellent
    ☆☆☆☆☆

  • 1 year ago

    by Lune de ma vie

    *holds out my hand*
    Take my hand hold it tight,
    Don't be scared I'll make this right.

    - Right from the start you give a detailed description of what's going on. A gesture of trust, take my hand and hold it tight. Reminds me of two things, Peter Pan and the moment Jack and Rose meet in Titantic. Touching hands are more intimate than we let on, it's one of the first things that send goosebumps up our spine and neck and butterflies fluttering in our stomachs. Love the detail.

    *lifts you up*
    On your feet my beautiful girl,
    Lets change the face of this world.

    - Gorgeous! Inspiring, the moments of feeling that the two of you can change the world, impact it on a great level and truly together can be unstoppable. Again the vividness is easily imaginable.

    *starts to run*
    Quick come on we gotta go,
    We don't have time now to be slow.

    - Suddenly a change of tone; pulled me in. Peaked my curiosity. I'm curious what is it they are running to? This poem is a story within itself greatly done!

    *Jumps*
    Do you trust me???

    Where will we land??

    So many questions we don't understand.

    I'll take you to the end of time,
    Because then maybe you'll truly be mine.

    - I love the end! I love how you described "The Plunge." Amazing piece of poetry fully equipped with a story of a chance of new love, a chance to conquer the world together, a beautiful write.

    5/5

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Such creativity in this piece.

    Only thing is question should be questions.

  • 2 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    A unique piece and well written. excellent

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