Mr Sandman's adventure

I liked this one although i have to agree with poetess it is a bit cliche but i think you did a wonderful job. And i totally liked the sandman reference. :)

Even though I do believe that happiness never is an inspiration, you made me change my mind here. I admit there are some really over-used cliche love sentences here but there are so many things I loved here.

You know, I don't really like to dishearten someone but I have some suggestions and thoughts on this piece:

The whole Sandman idea is pretty though not so much that it will linger in mind so I suppose you take the same idea and do some editions here and there. I know love poems are often cheesy. Mine are sooo like that, haha, and the pinky background makes me dislike some stuff. :P

For example:

'There goes an entourage of your
long wavy brunett hair,
illuminated bear brown eyes
my heart disappears in despair,
when kissing upon strawberry lips'

Sooo many adjectives in the second line. I like expressions, images to be concrete. I like them to be well-expressed yet in a brief way. Adding more details and adjectives might cause in ruining your whole idea because in my (humble) opinion, repetition rarely works. Long...brunette, perhaps you could find something that can symbolize all those adjectives you used? Whats so long and brunette and wavy...perhaps ...I don't know. You think of something. :P It's just I love it when people liken something to something else not just write off what they want to say, if you get what I mean.

Strawberry lips are too used in poetry. Especially in love pieces. I am not criticizing you for it though. It's always hard to come up with original pictures and similes but still I know your writing abilities (read some of your old work) and I am sure you could come up with something even more special.

I have nothing more to say since I said enough but I would like to see you taking my suggestions into consideration because I mean it, if you listen to constructive criticism all the time, you will write some kickass poetry, someday! :)

Good write and well-done.

Good write:)

Very well written in a cute way..i really liked it

Thanks Fly :), i'll try if i get time and i'll let you know first