Comments : If a Canvas Could Dream

  • 6 years ago

    by Kimmy

    I absolutely connect with this piece. You captured the essence beautifully.

  • 6 years ago

    by Xanthe

    I absolutely love the smooth flow of the piece, it suits the atmosphere and sad tone.
    I like how you used 'canvas'. A canvas is blank and plain without the artist to give it colour.

    "If I were your canvas,
    would you lie and
    paint me in colours
    of bliss, that mimic
    a rainbow in my
    forgotten sky?"

    I really like how you started this with a question. It added a kick to the piece and a little curiosity on the reader's part. What got me thinking here is the use of 'lie'. At first read I took it as 'lie down'. But how can a painter lie down while painting? Hm. Perhaps lie, as in prevaricate? But that doesn't quite make sense to me..

    "For hue's of darkness
    already surround me
    like a vulture circling
    her only prey."

    Hue's should be hues. I love the imagery here. I think there is a hidden meaning with the personification of vultures as 'her' instead of using 'its', but I could be wrong.

    There's nothing much to comment critically with the following lines. They give a lush imagery, which was nice.

    "Maybe, just maybe,
    the paint will immerse
    in my skin and
    transform into
    reality."

    Now that^^is quote-worthy. Just beautiful...

    And the ending wrapped up the whole piece. A very enjoyable read. Keep writing
    -X

  • 6 years ago

    by Decayed

    Liz, Liz.. that is truly one awesome write.
    Your words in this piece sound so very poetic, and something magical in the term: maybe, just maybe, entices me... always!

    Super beautiful.

  • 6 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    I draw using lots of canvases, it's amazing
    to see the results from time to time.
    You can never predict the outcome.
    Using a variety of colors, black for some
    reason always blends through.
    Very interesting piece you wrote 5/5

  • 6 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Liz,
    This is one heck of a poem,
    I love it...

    Now I am home, I can tell you that what I loved about this poem is how you incorporated the nature, and while making it sad you still held the beauty that is always there.

    love you xx

  • 6 years ago

    by Boy

    I will definitely say its a very deep poem.... and it was so hard for me at first sight. but i read it again and i found the flow and the meaning behind that so deep.

  • 6 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    Did you mean by the part Xanthe has pointed out that he would lie 'you' to paint you in colors? Or you meant 'lie' like...lurk!? Or ohhhh. You ain't colored with bless and he is trying to make you similar to a rainbow while you are a winter sky! Damn I love this.

    • 6 years ago

      by Lioness

      X I love and appreciate all the comments. It means a lot to me. Thank you.

      By lie I mean fib. To make me bright and happy even though I am not. Using colours to express who I want to be rather than who I am. Then in the end hoping the paint will sink in my skin and the colours will transform my sadness into happiness because it has become reality.

      Hope this clears it up x

  • 6 years ago

    by Ole Carsten

    Love the last lines.....
    great poem

  • 6 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    I got what you mean, Liz. Thanks for the explanation! :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Karla

    Beautiful piece Liz.

  • 6 years ago

    by Xanthe

    Yes, I understand it now as well. Thanks for clearing it up for me :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Ms Happiness

    Awesome poem, its sad, but perfectly written:)
    Great job:)

  • 6 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    A win. A win. A win. This must win, congratulations on your win. Even before you really win!

    <3

  • 6 years ago

    by L

    If I were your canvas,
    would you lie and
    paint me in colours
    of bliss, that mimic
    a rainbow in my
    forgotten sky?

    ---- I like this question, it makes me think.
    and it also creates a great imagery. I don't know if I would like someone to lie to me and paint me a beautiful sky with a rainbow... because that would be a lie and I prefer the truth over it. I mean many guys have done this they paint a beautiful ideas to the girls and they believe it and at the end the girls realize that it was just a painting and nothing serious.. I mean this stanza, it's not just about a case about girls and guys, it can also apply to a different scenario, but that's the easiest way for me to explain it.

    For hues of darkness
    already surround me
    like a vulture circling
    her only prey.

    ---- Another great stanza, it creates a definitive image and also I like how it makes the reader picture you, surrounded to the darkness. It's as if the darkness is ready to attack you. And this one makes me think that you would like the lie, because your world right now seems like it will fall prey to darkness and like you want some colors added to it. :(

    A silver moon could
    beacon above my
    lonely path, and
    colours of blue will
    emulate the ocean.

    -- This is one tells me that the only color that surrounds you is the blue and if I 'm not mistaken the blue is an indication for depression and sadness.

    I could reverie about
    pastures of green,
    and nature shall calm
    me like the sounds of
    raindrops on a
    tin roof.

    --- And with this is telling me that you can only dream about those green pastures and some raindrops to calm you, but that's about it. But I have the feeling that you don't want to dream about them, you want them real. This is so sad liz,

    Maybe, just maybe,
    the paint will immerse
    in my skin and
    transform into
    reality.

    ---- Perhaps, the hope is here. The colors of the paint to come alive and be a reality.

    and the sadness
    will be rid from me
    forever...

    If a canvas could
    dream.

    --- If you were a canvas, meaning empty, then there would be space to paint but you are not empty, right?.
    That's sad liz, I had no idea you were feeling this sad.

    This is well written, I love it.

    But Let's call a hunter so that it gets rid of the vulture that has you surrounded.
    perhaps then you won't need to reverie about the canvas.

  • 6 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    I just cannot get enough! </3 Too sad and meaningful....if a canvas could dream, what a titleee

  • 6 years ago

    by Meme

    Woooooooow Liz, the title itself blew me away @_@

    I love the smooth tender way you write, its so easy to capture the readers attention and make them feel the way you felt when writimg it.

    Always a big fan of yours.
    -Meme

  • 6 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    So amazing, beautiful poem. 5/5

  • 6 years ago

    by Britt

    I really adore this poem for everything it has. The imagery, the emotional feelings, the pain, the struggle, the beauty.

    I love how you associated your feelings and different senses/ideas with each color. They were spot on to what I associate the same colors with, so I instantly felt connected and could paint this in my mind.

    Funny a couple weeks ago I tried to write something about a canvas and painting but nothing was coming to me. You definitely did what I couldn't! This is beautiful.

  • Mesmerising until the end.
    Stunning imagery.
    Fantastic concept.
    Loved it.
    5/5

    Alisha