Comments : My Morning Song

  • 11 years ago

    by JustAnotherPoet

    Wow. It is really nice. The love and hope that the girl has make me smile. Somehow it reminds me of how love should be, innocent and simple. :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Certain songs will make us dance and
    dream, reminding us of someone special
    what could be if......
    5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Max

    Lovely poem Mery =)
    I like it a lot

    "It's five o'clock in the morning,
    when I turn on the radio;
    I begin to smile
    my most beautiful smile;
    and start to sing
    this song of love,
    dreaming...

    That someday will be
    -you and me-"

    there is nothing to criticize but
    "my most beautiful smile;
    and start to sing"
    semi colon after 'smile' is wrong you should use comma

    other than that i tell you your poem
    is short simple and well written
    and so I can relate to it too
    sometimes u just wake up and you are dreaming about something the hear a song that remind you of it
    it become like magic that makes you happy all the day =P
    overall great write
    5/5 keep writing =)

  • 11 years ago

    by Xanthe

    "My Morning Song"

    Honestly, I was a bit cynical at first. I usually don't like reading love poems, but I am working on one right now lol.

    "It's five o'clock in the morning,
    when I turn on the radio;
    I begin to smile"

    A little struggle with the punctuation here. The comma after 'morning' disrupted the flow, I suggest you remove it. 'When' should be 'whenever' if this action is habitual. The semi-colon should be a comma instead.

    "my most beautiful smile,
    and start to sing
    this song of love,
    dreaming..."

    Again, the comma after 'smile' disrupted the flow, and a semi-colon in place of the comma after 'love' will be more fitting. The ellipsis is clumsily placed here, it doesn't connect it to the next idea/line.

    "That someday will be
    -you and me-"

    To be completely honest, I don't like the ending. It's a bit weak. The hyphens did not add anything good, it just messed with the flow. 'You and me' is grammatically incorrect, it should be 'you and I'
    I know you are capable of something better, Mery. If I came out a little too harsh, it's because I am trying to help. If you want any tips on punctuation, just drop me a PM anytime I'm online, I'd be glad to help :)
    -X

  • 11 years ago

    by Wicked Ways

    The ending was so hopeful, thats the feeling this poem gave me as i was reading it. . . . its a lovely poem :) very nice choice of words and very loving too, nice work on this poem :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Lofallenve

    Short, but so, so, so cute. :)
    It flowed very nice, i loved this!
    5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Kumar kainth

    Its is good to get that message

  • 11 years ago

    by PrinceLawrence

    Super nice crishmerl, those feeling of being deeply inlove, that make your heart sing. I experienced those, everytime i woke up in the morning and thinking of the woman that i truly love

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    I like this poem,

    I don't mind the "you and me" part at all... I have done that before :P

    But yeah, Xanthe gave a great advise.
    haha.. I found this poem sweet.

    • 11 years ago

      by Yrem Crish

      Yeah, I know that "You and Me" is grammatically wrong but I love to used it:) It sounds sweet for me..hehe",

  • 11 years ago

    by Xanthe

    Echhh.. it's not so sweet to me lol
    But I applaud you for taking risks and going with what you want; that's what poetry's about ;)

  • 11 years ago

    by Angel

    Aw thatts just cute :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Marvellous

    What a man seeks, shall his soul find.. At the fullness of time, God gives.. Good deal.

  • 11 years ago

    by Joseph Boadi

    Just simple and beautiful.nice write

  • 11 years ago

    by Innocent Fairy

    I can picture Cinderella singing with the mice a d birds :) beautiful

  • 11 years ago

    by Kitty Kurse

    Short, sweet and very cute!
    So little words and its amazing how you put so much emotion into them!

  • 11 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    So simple and sweet. sometimes you all you need is a few words to get your point across instead of a page long poem. great job 5/5 :)

  • 11 years ago

    by DarkLight

    One day u wil wake up only to find uaself in the reality of your dreams

  • 11 years ago

    by Alexandra Jozelia

    Short and so Sweet :3

  • 11 years ago

    by Jenni

    Reading the title I actually thought that this poem might be about what your morning song is about, what it includes and how it effects you, I do not know whether it being different disappointed me or was rather surprising. That is yet for me to figure out. I mean I know how tough it is to find a title that will encourage readers to take a look at your poem and on the other side captivate the essence of the poem without giving too much away. Your title is reasonable, but yeah I simply expected something else.

    "It's five o'clock in the morning
    when I turn on the radio
    I begin to smile
    my most beautiful smile,
    and start to sing
    this song of love;
    dreaming..."

    ^ What I like about the content is the fact that you emphasize that though it is quite early (5am) you manage to smile and enjoy the day, which obviously makes me assume that there is a reason for that enthusiasm and energy. Yet what i thought was slightly confusing is the part where the speaker turns on the radio yet sings, I mean when music is played, it's mostlikely songs with lyrics that are currently popular, but when I think of someone singing the song of love I imagine, them coming up with their own melody and lyrics, which were inspired by that special someone.
    I do realize you wrote "this song of love", which might refer to the current song that is played at the radio at that particular time since "this" usually refers to something specific, but if that was the case, it'd seem less romantic to me.

    "That someday will be
    -you and me-"

    ^ I do see why Xanthe says "you and me" is grammatically wrong, but I do not even see it, might be because I'm german, but to me it really does not seem that wrong haha and I think it sounds better (to me as non-native english speaker :P)
    I actually expected that the love was already blooming because of the energy in the first stanza, but it ending like this gave the whole poem a little of this longing feeling.

    I do like simple poems when they convey the feelings, but I thought that this poem was a bit too simple, that's just me though.

    Nonetheless an enjoyable read.

  • 11 years ago

    by East Poetry

    A thing of beauty, this poem, like a snap shot of your happiness left me as well... with a smile.