Comments : Rainbows

  • 11 years ago

    by Georgia

    This is an interesting poem. Excellent and well written.
    Really like this ! 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by CathyButterflyJC

    Love it, it blew me away, took my breath away, wonderful, outstanding, very interesting, I enjoyed it, great job, 100/100

  • 11 years ago

    by Ms Happiness

    I enjoywd reading your poem too:)
    Good job

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    I like this poem, it's also sad but this has happened to many people.

    I like the ideas of the rainbow and how it's colors have changed to blue. Blue is often use to represent depression and that's what I think you were aiming towards. I also liked the idea of the sand castle and how you built it to later kiss as it crumbled. Meaning the love was not longer the foundation to make that castle strong. :(

    On the critique side:

    I just have a small problem with this line

    When you turned saying " i don't love you"

    I think it would sound better if you say " the last time you said " I don't love you"

  • 11 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Quite interesting piece, well written

  • 11 years ago

    by Dreamofolwin

    Beautifully written and expressed Peter... :)

    I love how you you used the metaphor of a rainbow turning blue to express your feelings of lost love.... and the sandcastle part...

    "I'd built a castle in the sand,
    and made you Princess of my Heart
    It crumbled as I kissed your hand,
    and then 'Loves tears' began "

    So poignant a write! I love it :)

    Well Done my friend. Excellent :)

    ~ Olwin

  • 11 years ago

    by Lostlove1

    Hey England :)
    Awesome but sad love poem with great rhyme. I just wonder why you capitalize some words that should not be..(sorry I notice small things like that) Others here do that too sometimes
    It told a very sad and depressing tale of Lost love that still is very much alive in your mind and pen. Write on England. :)
    Lostlove1~

  • 11 years ago

    by LoVerSLaND

    I loved it.
    It is beautiful
    5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by average thoughts

    I always like love poems and if they rhyme they bcm my mst fav..
    Its a vry beautiful, hrt touching poem..

  • 11 years ago

    by Chelsey

    This poem is incredibly sad and rings so true for those of us who have lost loves of our life.

    I loved your ending! very beautifully written and youre right. In the dream world we can dream whatever we want with no end.

    I loved this :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Yrem Crish

    Wow. Great poem. This is so relatable, written with great thoughts and ideas, full of emotion and sadness, really heartfelt. Cleverly written. Keep writing:))
    5/5
    ~C

  • 11 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    I love it, beautiful poem, well written

  • 11 years ago

    by LittleMermaid

    You have so beautifully penned down the emotions of a broken heart..loved it!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Monroe92

    This reminds me of how i felt about my ex, and not a lot reminds me of him any more. so props to you and your poem. great usage of words.

    love the flow, keep up the good work!!

  • 11 years ago

    by East Poetry

    YOU ARE A TRUE POET!
    Never forget that!

    This was yet another perfect poem, Sad, perfectly written, slam dunk ending.
    You hit the hammer on the head. It will be exiting to see you write poems as your life travels into new emotions, ie. New love, I challenge you to write a poem about your dream girl. A girl that maybe on day will sweep you off your feet.

    I can tell you right now, the one that broke your heart should be kicking herself for not mastering your personality and gleaming a successful relationship out of it. Anyone that can write a poem like these two you wrote has a good head on there shoulders. keep penning.

  • 11 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Well, this rhymed beautifully:)

    I understand about the dream, and being happy there.

    Well done,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 11 years ago

    by neon sunset

    This master piece is very exquisite. i love it. fantastic job.
    ^.^ plz comment on my poems too.

  • 11 years ago

    by Darren

    This is great Peter,
    Some good raw emotion in this.

    Again and as usual your rhyming was spot on.

    My thoughts

    Stanza 1
    I like the broken rainbow analogy, I have tried to picture what one would look like, Then when you think that the logical place would be the top of the arc where it breaks, or snaps then the bottom parts would fall together forming a heart shape, Very clever , using a colour of a rainbow links well with feeling blue which obviously means sadness. You could also by looking a little deeper refer to someone who is enjoying life or who is happy as being full of colour, Line 3 then conflicts what I thought unless you take into account that maybe if it was to break and move apart slightly then the ends wouldn't meet. (i think I am getting there)

    Stanza 2
    To me this suggests she was materialistic, you offered her love, you believed that you were meant to be together, fate had helped with this. She has decided to move on because her head was turned by something.

    Stanza 3,
    You have the classic moonlight walk in this, in this stanza you are struggling to come to terms with being on your own and losing her.

    Stanza 4
    To me the 'building a sandcastle' line shows that you knew it was a fragile relationship on her part. Maybe you didn't feel you were good enough for her but tried your best to please her. By making her a princess you have put her on a pedestal. Kissing the hand, although seen as a romantic gesture is also seen as a sign of respect or knowing your place, men would kiss the hands of nobleman women when greeting or leaving. This ties in nicely with the princess description. The tears flowing links into the whole beach analogy. You can picture that there were a lot of tears, like the waves or ocean.

    Final stanza
    Beams generally offer support, by pushing these away she has taken away your support of her, she has disregarded your respect for her. Your mind living in a world of dreams shows that you still think of her. You are the heart broken party in the relationship.

    great poem peter

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Peter
    I'm so glad I found this gem of a poem from you. I have to admit, the third stanza choked me up a little.....damn you, man!
    The idea of this person still loving you in your dreams, backed up again in the final stanza where you talk of living in your dreams now because there, at least the two of you "have no end".

    The flow, sentiment and rhyme of this are wonderful.....I wish I had written it. Damn you again, man!
    All the best Peter
    Ben

  • 7 years ago

    by Em


    Peter, this is a sad tale of lost and I guess it wouldn't be any other way but I can feel the emotion running throughout it even though it's an old poem you have great rhyming and a fantastic flow throughout.

    Title - I like the use of rainbows here because to me it signifies something beautiful and no doubt this love you speak of was at one point then it turned sour as the poem tells us.

    1/ A fantastic opening with great imagery and reading Darrens comment I thought of the rainbow snapping in half and upon snapping changing to blue with your emotion and like the relationship not being able to connect again. My thoughts anyway.

    2/ For some reason this feels like she found as people say "someone better" but you know what, more fool her I say.

    3/ I think we have all done this within a break up, mutual or not wondered what if things were different and if we still loved each other and I believe if it's ended now (I know awhile ago) then it would have done eventually though we can always dream, right?

    4/ OMG, this got me right in the heart and pulled at the strings which made me shed a few tears. The imagery here of you building a sand castle within your heart making this special someone your princess there, protecting her from harm no doubt for you to kiss her hand and this man belief castle crumbling around you with you heart by its side, what an image that is really vivid.

    5/ I absolutely love this ending because I can feel there is hope here that your dreams will keep you together even if you aren't in reality which is somewhat as because I know you would have liked it to be reality though I hope with how long ago this poem was you have found your other half, the one you couldn't live without etc.

    Loved this even if it was sad.
    Take care, Em