Your questions answered

When you ask me why i've changed
and why my eyes are dim,
why don't i call any more?
why don't i try to win?

When you ask me have i given up?
and do i even care,
and try to remind me
that you'll always be there

when you ask me why i look so worn
and do i even try?
do i even realise,
my skin is dull and dry?

when you ask me have i forgotten how,
to type or pick up a pen,
I haven't written in years,
and you want to read them again.

when you ask to see my legs,
and make me show you my arm,
and sigh in so much relief
when there are no sighns of self harm.

When you ask me have i lost weight?
and am i remembering to eat?
why is it so cold in my room,
why don't i turn on the heat?

When you ask me am i coming back,
with tears in your eyes,
trying to pull the real me out,
from behind my half dead disguise.

When you ask me would i mind much,
If you moved out on your own
my night terrors keep you awake,
you just need your own home...

I wish i could respond to you
I wish that i could speak
to tell you that I haven't changed
im just stuck and im too weak,

Im trapped inside this lifeless shell,
I wish that i could call,
and have a smile reach my eyes,
and fight to win it all,

No i haven't given up,
and yes of course i care
and i've never once forgotten
that you are always there

I look worn because im exhausted
and im much too tired to try
and as for my dried out skin,
do you know how much i cry?

No i haven't forgotten,
how to pick up a pen,
i haven't wanted to write for years,
and i'll never write again

You can check for cuts all you like
I hide them much too well,
you'll never find the ones i've made
I'll never tell you how,

I lost weight because i can
no longer get out of bed,
Fear overtakes me
each time i lift my head

I wish that i could come back,
but i think I'm too far gone,
now the only me thats left
is this one who dosen't belong.

and finally im extatic,
for you to move on,
you need to make your own life,
you need to make a home

If i could talk i would tell you
how much it means to me
that you asked all these questions
and really tried to see,

It just hurts so bad to be broken,
theres no room for anything else
im so full of cracks and pain
i can no longer find myself

so I hope you can be happy,
I hope you can be free,
you've got so much ahead of you
don't waste your life on me.