Sad Palms

by nourayasmine   Jul 10, 2012


It was vehement how your
tongue pleased many languages
whenever the sun proved all
theories of black and white upon
my tans; your palm would tour
the Shanzelize plaza and chase
its streets through
my breasts
as those February little tints
would wander and wander
'round your wrist

once again.

It felt illusive, then, that you
could knead my poetry with
wheat and raisins when
my heart mimed a Jasmine.
My petals were like rum -
too fleet for your
cookie.
And I

kissed your palms
once again.

2


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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by One Man Clan

    Hmmm, I agree with brit on one thing,
    This is most certianlly not the old style Noura, but this here gets you thinking,
    This style is beyond amazing, seriously, if you can continue like this then you are going to create wonders with your imaginary,
    Any style you write in is beautiful, It personally took me a couple of times to read this and even start to wonder what you were thinking, I don't even think I fully grasp it yet either, but you take a full mark on imagantion, a full mark on the metaphores, and I apploude you on this piece of true art.

  • 5 years ago

    by L

    Is it me? or am I starting to understand a bit more your poetry.

    Though, I'm still not so sure about this one.

    I was about to say that I had a problem with the petals and that it didn't make sense in the poem.. but then I read the poem again and I noticed the jasmine which were miming your heart.. so I'm guessing that's where the petals come from... Then could I safely say that the petals are sort of like feelings..
    since your heart is mimed by the jasmine..

    but then it threw me off, when I saw the cookie part.. So the cookie was the end product of how that someone knead your poetry with wheat and raisins..

    and the cookie has rum... So here I am wondering what the wheat and the raisins represent.
    So that someone knead your feelings/emotions in your poetry, but those emotions were too Fast for that someone to understand them... "too fleet for you cookie" So the cookie sounds like taste...
    so your feelings were too fast or too much for that someone's taste to understand.. hence, it's illusive how that someone can knead them with wheat and raisins.

    So you kiss the palms once again because ... I'm still puzzled lol.

    and I can't figure out why you titled it sad palms..
    is it because that someone regrets kneading the feelings into the poetry?
    because it doesn't go with the cookie?

    Am I babbling too much? I have an a sort of idea of how this goes, but I can't quiet put it in words. :/

    but still well written.

  • 5 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I loved the title- thought it was really unique and something you would write about- something so seeming to be sentimental. I have to say I did think there were sometimes too many images here that didn't seem to have an origin or just a point to show the reader something- indulge them. That sense of fleeting is kind of felt here, when you wrote this part

    "It felt illusive, then, that you
    could knead my poetry with
    wheat and raisins when
    my heart mimed a Jasmine."

    I thought this had the best flow also, and it was that strangeness of comparing poetry to making bread, but how you were different, a Jasmine flower. Made me think and also seek to know more about this illusiveness.

    "It was vehement how your
    tongue pleased many languages
    whenever the sun proved all
    theories of black and white upon
    my tans;"

    Vehement was greatly used here! I remember using that vocab word a couple years ago, I was so excited to learn it. This was interesting too, I wasn't sure about the "theories of black and white upon my tans", I felt like there should have been more after that, more of how you are feeling about, more introduction to the sun and it's relation to you. I thought it was missing something here...

    "your palm would tour
    the Shanzelize plaza and chase
    its streets through
    my breasts"

    I loved the thought of this, so abstract yet so brought to live...like if you live in a sunny city, in love, and you run through the day, chasing some kind of romance.

    "as those February little tints
    would wander and wander
    'round your wrist

    once again."

    Wasn't sure about "tints" here, thought it could be more specific....but I liked how you seem to indulge the reader in February and this person's aroma of it too. I liked the "wander" and "'round your wrist" too, it was tasteful in my eyes and gave that sort of thinking that you often gaze at him and he at you, that wonder..

    "My petals were like rum -
    too fleet for your
    cookie.
    And I"

    I really didn't think "cookie" was the best word for this, but that's just my opinion, and this is your poetry, something that deeply has meaning to you. It seemed just to not fit in, and I couldn't grab the sense of it. I thought you could relate it to him leaving or you wanting to hold on and kiss his palms again in the end. What about him is sad? The way you and him would have to end the day and not continue the chasing 'round the streets?

    Biggest thing I thought could have been here was more of a definite statement of feeling, "and how I miss him once upon those clock tower memories, of encircling his skin..." or something about nostalgia perhaps? But then again, there was a bit of mystery here, and maybe you wanted to keep it like that, to have the reader pondering about if this is a love of yours.

    Neat poem- my suggestions were just in my eyes, but you write what comes to you and what inspires you. Thanks for sharing.

  • 5 years ago

    by Decayed

    Mmm...

  • 5 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    They aren't the same. :)