Comments : A bit of poetry for my father

  • 11 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    This is perfect.

  • 11 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    ^^ I agree...

    Wow! I dont like the sadness but I love it.

    You are amazing.... xxx

  • 11 years ago

    by Britt

    It's absolutely not too ugly to be a poem, it's one of the most raw and honest poems I've felt in a while. This is incredible.

  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Noura, this was really touching....it was so raw and open and I thought this was a brilliant poem. Definitely not too ugly or too this or that to be a poem, you made this your own, weaving so many thoughts and memories. It was incredible to read this and think about your father....how much you think of April, remember, calling to be heard. So much emotion here and absolute soul in this poem. Thanks for sharing...

    Have a great day!

  • 11 years ago

    by Decayed

    I agree.
    Too perfect for me.
    I can get too emotional when a father is there in a poem..

    <3

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    This is perfect just as the Cinderella poem.

  • 11 years ago

    by nouriguess

    Guys, thank you, I'm tearing up! It's really uplifting to see people not being judgemental even when it's their right. This poem is nowhere good and it has no imagery. Merely a rant. But thanks for understanding that emotions are precious too. Really, the first time I get emotional over comments. Thank you all.

  • 11 years ago

    by The Prince

    I'm coming back to this. WAIT

  • 11 years ago

    by The Prince

    Sometimes we reach into ourselves when we're not 'trying' to write, and we let the words out of their cages and something like this happens. We have vomited onto a page, but it's glorious because most of the time we sit and carefully plan out every word so it fits our well constructed images in our head. This is different. This is raw, and it's powerful because of that. I will critique poems that have been written with a craft behind it, but there's no deliberate craft here, it's just pent up emotion. I enjoyed it, even though i was saddned by it. It could be one of your best or one of your worst depending how you look at it. But I for one, won't tear this limb from limb and analyse it because I know these poems, I know these thought processes and I know you so I'm just going to congratulate you for letting your emotions fly out and smack the reader around a bit :P

    beautiful ending to a beautifully poignant poem. That's all I can say, Nour, well done.

  • 11 years ago

    by Wild flower

    This poem is heartfelt, I dunno why it made ne shiver.
    Perfectly written.

  • 11 years ago

    by Lioness

    I felt like crying while reading this poem. It really shows one's heartache when they lose someone close to them. I love what you have written saying that your memories are dangling off your eyes (a beautiful and poetic way of describing your tears).

    I felt like I got to know you a little more in this poem.

    I think the way you wrote it with just pure emotions, not thinking about what you wrote but just wrote how you felt. I absolutely loved that about this write. I was able to read it, connect to it without having to read it again or look up any of those awesome words you normally use. It was just simply poetic.

    Awesome

    x

  • 11 years ago

    by Xanthe

    Noura.. don't call this ugly. It is one of your best poems, in my opinion. I'm glad you feel better after submitting this. Hope all's well now :)

    I agree with Liz. I, too wanted to cry whilst reading this, and I don't like crying. It shows how powerful a piece would come out with pure emotions and personal experiences/memories.
    I think the title holds so much sadness indirectly when I read it. You did not capitalise the first letters, which is kind of a surprise since you really don't like that. But then again, it shows how you wrote this by simply pouring out feelings you've probably been hiding for quite some time.

    This poem lets us readers glimpse a tiny bit of your life; a tiny bit about you. And I love that. You usually write in an abstract and personal way that sort of disconnects the reader (which is not bad), but I feel you've opened up a bit more with this poem. It does break my heart whenever you write about your father - I remember the rain poem which I'll have to read again later. There's just a beautiful 'something' that I couldn't put my finger on whenever I read you sad. It's breathtaking.

    I love how you incorporate April in your poems everytime you write a (I'll assume) personal poem. I'm sure it is a very important month to you that I have yet to figure out what it stands for, but I've a hunch it is something sad that's happened and perhaps changed you. I think it made you stronger though.
    ---
    I can't help it :) Just a few things I noticed. You can take it or leave it:

    "...would nod in no disgrace."
    I thought 'in' should be: with

    "in few places because I happened many"
    An article (a) before 'few' would make the flow better, I think.
    ---

    Thank you for sharing this with us, Noura. I find it hard to submit really personal poems I write, I applaud you for that.
    Keep writing