Our Circus Tree

I visited our home for the first time in five years,
if you can still call it that,
I suppose it's more of a burial plot for you.
I still dream of shadows that creep upon the wall,
and kerosene still lingers just as it did that night,
I gasp for air as I awake, thinking smoke was filling my lungs once more.
The only thing standing is our gray concrete porch,
your headstone without the engravings,
the only thing strong enough to withstand the flames,
if only you were as strong as concrete I wouldn't be here today.
Somehow there are still piles of ashes that have stayed through years of wind and rain,
I wonder sometimes if a part of you is weighing them down,
I cringe at the thought and put it away.
At the far end of the house, where our lovers den used to be,
I notice two trees have formed,
ones that are very distinct from any other.
Two tall sycamore trees, which have grew very rapidly than normally;
what makes them different is the slight curve in the middle,
like you've cupped your hand to make a "C", one opposite from the other,
"Oh my God, it's a heart!" I scream!
I rush up to examine the lovers tree,
rubbing my hand over it's flaky bark, wondering how could this be.
Did someone plant these? Playing a joke on me?
A rememberence of him?
Only as I investigate, I feel something smooth etched on the left side,
I gasp as I see a "J" carved into the wood,
quickly searching for an "H" on the other half.
It's there.
A ghost of a smile appears upon my dry lips.
Reminesing on the times you carved "J+H" on the apple tree in your backyard,
I knew you came back to do this just for me.
You formed your ashes, the ashes from our home,
and gave life to a beautiful tree, to show me that you are here,
always carved,
always flourishing on God's green earth,
still here for me,
forever our Circus Tree.

*What inspired me for this poem was I seen a picture of a "Circus Tree" that is combined of different sycamore trees that can be bent into different shapes. It's neat. :)

Copyright 2012: Hannah K.