Comments : No Matter

  • 11 years ago

    by The Prince

    I nominated this because it's quite beautiful. :) Submissive is a gorgeous word, and underused. Not keen on 'melody' much, but it works in the context of this piece. I kind of wish you were a bit more adventurous with your verbs. Stuff like 'sat' and 'lay' are just too easy. People forget how important verbs are in poetry, especially when you're trying to craft something as lovely as this.

    'No matter how humanly plain
    I may seem to you, I will draft
    you sand-prints, notes
    about to be swimming in ink
    as French meters train
    and long, prose-like words make
    your eyes'

    This is my favourite stanza. Absolutely lovely imagery exuding from you here. I've really come to admire your work as of late. There is still a lot you can learn, but that's the beauty of it, you are learning, and shaping.

    This is the kind of poetry I used to write a couple of years ago. Heavy on metaphor, and imagery.

    Keep writing -- it seems you are on a roll!

  • 11 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Me oh my I love this...seriously, I read it 3 times before I could get myself to comment...You have taken missing someone to a whole new level...I looooveeee how a piano and music were incorporated into this piece. That is what makes it so beautiful and unique. Your wording was excellent. Im happy to see it nominatedf. Good luck!

  • 11 years ago

    by Xanthe

    I absolutely love poems about nostalgia, memories, and the past. It's so beautiful.

    "(...) I will not sprawl flat 'cross my bed
    until // I have thought and thought
    all I can for you..."

    This just reminded me of how I'd just lie in bed at night, although it is peaceful and I should be sleeping, I can't seem to go to sleep. My body is tired, but my mind just won't shut down, and I keep thinking and thinking of really random things. Aha, if that makes any sense..

    "Because you have not yet been
    captured, in anything but the
    greys of memory-"

    This is just lovely, MaryAnne. I lovee how you wrote 'greys', and the idea of wanting to 'capture' this person.

    Although 'black and white keys' is a little too overused in poetry when referring to a piano, it worked. And I love the piano; playing it and reading it in poetry. I just think it's magnificent.
    The repetition of the title (No matter) all throughout the piece was well done. I am curious about the use of a tilde (~) in the title though. But I'm sure you have a purpose with that :)

    "No matter how humanly plain // I may seem to you, I will draft // you sand-prints, notes // about to be swimming in ink // as French meters train // and long, prose-like words make // your eyes"

    This is beautifully penned. I love how you took a simple idea: about doing anything and everything for someone although you seem inadequate, perhaps. And writing an amazing stanza as this.

    "No matter how late the night is,
    I won't let it end without the music
    of you."

    The music, I'll assume, is memories. This is very relatable to me, as I often think a lot before going to sleep every night. I enjoyed reading this piece.
    Keep writing.

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    Congrats on your win!

  • 11 years ago

    by Karla

    Congrats.Well-deserved win!

  • 11 years ago

    by nouriguess

    Really happy to see you on the front page, MarryAnne.
    You're a gem.

  • 11 years ago

    by Decayed

    Congrats on the Win, hun..

    black and white keys
    ^ I smiled when I read this because I know how much you like piano...

    the ending is so dreamy and musical, too :)

    ~lovely write~

  • 11 years ago

    by Ingrid

    I can see why this won:)

    Congrats sweet girl, so well deserved!

    *hugs*

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 11 years ago

    by Blissful

    This is utterly beautiful!

    I could just sense the nostalgia stitched throughout this whole piece. The opening was just perfect. I really liked your use of "submissive" because I have never thought the night to be that way until I read it in your poem. Now I can totally see it in the stillness of the night.

    "I will not sprawl flat 'cross my bed
    until
    I have thought and thought"
    ^What a creative way of saying "go to sleep" !

    Brilliant poem. Loved it.

  • 11 years ago

    by nouriguess

    'MarryAnne,

    I believe your poetry is one of the most visionary, sentimental arts I have ever stumbled upon. Poignant beginnings that capture one's mind in no time, subtle descriptions, simple language, novel similes and much more at every ending. I feel as though this speak was meant to depict something deep-seated inside of me yet I couldn't portray it with words, simple as yours.

    I love the use of 'submissive' when picturing the night and how it felt to me so long and heavy, I believe the night is just a metaphor out there to describe something more real and less faraway. Night can be anything gloomy. And a tone could symbolise a ray of hope or a bunch of memories.
    The second stanza is just magic. I could repeat it over and over again and it won't lose its meaning. I could imagine what you have put here. The scorching seats is such a clever simile. I love the vocabulary, only that I feel you could use something more poetic than just 'sat' and 'hard', etc. I like it when I learn new words from poetry, not that I'm telling you to shove long expressions into every line where it's not needed or well-placed, but you could still make the poem more interesting with some risk. I understand that you want to keep it simple in this piece, considering its meaning and soft atmosphere, yet I feel I would've enjoyed it in that way. I wasn't too keen on the 'captured in the greys of a memory' bit. I feel it's not quite a good way to connect the first stanzas with the rest. Anyway, this beauty:

    'I wish to combine
    days we ran through
    secret meadows for us,
    on black and white keys
    with sunflower's disposition
    that speak something of the
    new unknown'

    It's so rare that I love a statement too much that I can't let go of it but here I do, it made the whole poem for me. The meadows, black and white keys and the sunflower's disposition...and finally the unknown. I'm just speechless. I will only assume you meant that an old memory has been retaken or someone from the past has come back to you by the 'new unknown'. How you connected the past 'meadows, flowers' with the present.

    The next stanza is just bitter. What I got from drafting sand-prints, notes swimming in ink (i.e. filled with her words) and the trains a very nostagic image. I love trains and all the subjects you mentioned there, when I see such concrete imagery in a poem, I start to fall in love with it. And I guess I have read your poem for so many times and I'm not over it yet. Seriously captivating.

    'prose-like words make
    your eyes

    indecipherable.'

    I'll learn this by heart and keep it on my PC. I could quote it forever.
    I feel I'm just rambling here and I only want to let you know how much I loved this.
    Also loved the repetition of 'no matter'.

    Well-done. (10)

    - Judging.

  • 11 years ago

    by Darren

    Can't believe I missed this on my old account,

    this is great, a deserved winner
    Glad I caught it this time around

  • 9 years ago

    by -Choke-On-MY-Halo-

    It's truly beautiful I love the last part of the poem because of the username you own quite beautiful really,also love that's romantic in a way 5/5

    -Bet