I really like this, it tugs at my heart, especially the first stanza since i have lost my mother.

the only thing i see is first stanza, first line "pasted" should be "passed"... and maybe would put some punctuation. just my opinion, though.

wonderful write!

I loved this... I think anyone who has ever lost a loved one can relate to the emotions that are potrayed in this. It gives you hope that they are still out there watching you and looking out for you. Truely beautiful as always. Please don't ever stop writing <3

I was going to get to this sooner or later, but I have been kind of lazy lately :] I have read it a few times already.

I like the concept of this poem, Tony. I often like to think that loved ones who have died are looking down at us - watching over us. It comforts me sometimes when I feel alone. If one looks closely enough, you can see me talking to them like they are right beside me. Does that make me weird? Probably...

'I was three months old when mama passed away
she never got to see me walk, or hold my hand as I lay
I don't remember her face but I remember it, so so clear
I don't remember her voice yet it still brings me to tears.'

^ Typos: I believe that in the second line, the comma between 'it' and 'so' needs to be moved over so that it is between 'so' and 'so.' I am skeptical of this stanza. As I was reading it, I was wondering how her voice brings the person to tears...maybe after they heard it on a recording? Someone had to point out that it was indeed her voice. I am just rambling on here...

'I was nine years old when papa said goodbye,
every night as the stars twinkle in darkness of the sky
I hear his voice whispering beneath the silver of the moon
breathing softly into my ear,the sweetest of a harmonic tune.'

^ Typos: I think that it would be better if 'the' was inserted between 'in' and 'darkness.' Well crap. I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose both parents at a young age...it would probably tear me apart inside.

'every time it rains I know it's there tears
every time it thunders I know it's there fears
every time the sun shines I know that once more
I know there looking down on me through heavens glass floor.'

^ Typos: the three 'there's' can be so annoying sometimes - their, there, and they're - you have to figure out which one to use and I am just annoyed sometimes with them. For the first line, 'there tears' is supposed to be 'their tears' because they are your parents tears. Same goes for 'there fears' because the tears belong to your parents - 'their fears.' For the last line, 'there' is supposed to be 'they're' because 'they are' looking down...

Overall, this is a very touching piece, Tony. I loved it. I do hope that this isn't true though (I can never tell sometimes :( ) I don't believe it is, but I can be wrong. There is a lot of emotion in here and the rhyming was very well done. Excellent piece.

Excellent
5/5

I like!

I'm so sorry I didn't comment sooner, I know I said I was going to.

This was really very sad but I think you did a really good job with it, it wasn't cliche, but it wasn't too over metaphorical or anything.

I liked it, really good.

I love the rhyming in this piece and I love the idea that our families and friends that have passed away can look down on us and take care of us when we need guidance.

I have to say this poem though broke my heart because the idea that you have lost so much when you were so young is just terrible!!!

I loved this piece because you opened up in it a little more!!!

AWESOME

x

Sorry double post :| lol

It always fascinates me how good you are at narrative poetry and this is another example. I think you should work on the Typos Purple Rose pointed out because then this poem will be even better. :)

I was three months old when mama passed away
she never got to see me walk, or hold my hand as I lay
I don't remember her face but I remember it, so so clear
I don't remember her voice yet it still brings me to tears.

- such a sad thought that a child has to grow up without a mother. Perhaps the most strongest and most important relationship a child needs and without it can cause such devastating affects throughout childhood and onto adulthood too.
- In my opinion, I don't think you need to duplicate the word so in your 3rd line. So, is such a strong word which already implys that you are emphasising the next word so I don't think it is needed twice here.

I was nine years old when papa said goodbye,
every night as the stars twinkle in darkness of the sky
I hear his voice whispering beneath the silver of the moon
breathing softly into my ear,the sweetest of a harmonic tune.

- i just adored this stanza and the imagery you created, although it starts as another loss for this child it also gives a sense of comfort that this child feels from all the nature around him. The moon and stars representing missing loved ones, unbelievably powerful.
- I suggest you add in the word "the" before darkness in your second line, this gives it a better flow and reads correctly.

every time it rains I know it's there tears
every time it thunders I know it's there fears
every time the sun shines I know that once more
I know there looking down on me through heavens glass floor.

- ok I have a few suggestions for your ending here because it is not as powerful as it could be and it hold a lot of power in the words if they were correctly put together. This way it would end with the same power it began with, so I hope you don't mind me saying.

Firstly, i would capatalize the start of the sentences to match your previous stanza's. I would break the list up with comma's at the end of each statement so it doesnt read as one long stanza with no breaks.
"there" should be their, when you are reffering to something belonging to someone else, this you have done twice here.
For your last line, I would remove " I know " because in the previous line you have already mentioned that you know so you don't need to repeat it again and also it keeps up the flow without stumble with these 2 words removed... so I would change it to the following...

Every time it rains I know it's their tears,
every time it thunders I know it's their fears
and every time the sun shines I know that once more
they are looking down on me through heavens glass floor.

- for me this reads better. And without the mistakes the only thought I am left with is the imagery of heavens floor being made of glass which I love! What a beautiful thought to imagine everyone being able to see out of heaven to what lies beneath them and also for us to look up at them too.

I enjoyed this and I liked how used a lot of things in nature to help you write this like the weather, the stars, the sky etc. Was very beautifully thought of and such a peaceful, comforting poem with a touch of sadness for the sad loss.

I loved the beginning, I thought your flow and rhymes were simple, yet they conveyed emotion. I hope this tragic loss has not happened. It was really sweet how sentimental it was also, I could not imagine being that young and losing someone who naturally cares for you and raises you. Love how you created the atmosphere again....it was calming.

In the third stanza, the first two lines maybe you could add a dash or "....." after "there" just to emphasize the fear and emotions experienced here.

My one suggestion would be in the end, I feel like if you want to bring the title into the poem, you could do it more cleverly. I felt the the last two lines were a bit rushed, trust me, I think they were really strong and it hit my heart about the sunshine too, but I feel like the lines before it don't give a good transition. I like Baby Rainbow's suggestion about the "their"- that could work too.

Really sad yet heart-warming poem.

Wow, this is powerful. My father died when I was young and my mother, wish she would have said bye. I love how you were able to capture something so hard and make it beautiful.

'Everytime it rains, I know it's their tears.'
I love that line.
Lovely write.

Wow! That's my expression on this poem. I think I love this poem because I can really relate to it. My Dad got killed when I was 7 years old forcing me, my 2 siblings, and my mother from the South up here toward the Northern States. It has been 13 years and I still miss him like crazy and cry.

But I believe that heaven has a way for our loved ones to look down on us and keep an eye out for us. I know my Dad watches every chance he gets.

But I love the poem and I'm liking your writing style!
5/5

*BrittBratt*