Awww I do find the end of this piece a bit sad:(

But as usual perfectly written:)

Beautiful images but I can't help but feel this is very Romeo and Juliet esque lol. The ending sounds so sad, like a poison. I love the structure here too and the way it's all spaced/placed with the centering. Love, love! So sad, though :(

EDIT: Did you mean to do shape poetry? This looks like a rose!

I don't really know what to say. I was in some sort of trance while reading it. But here goes:

A touch of wine,

candled flame

shall bind my thoughts,

for all I see is

red.

^^I feel like the the 'red' signifies blood or pain? That your mind isn't working as it normally would because of the wine and the trance-like state of the candle flame. So you offer no help..?

velvety dancers burning,

dreamy elixir

of the night,

transform my

my soul

so that I

may sleep

forever-

^^Firstly, with the 'red' ending in a full stop/period 'velvety' should be a capital 'V'.
'Velvety dancers' - in lead on from the 'death, pain theory' could these be the villains of the tale, but who look to be dancers in your addled mind? OR perhaps people around you burning in a house fire/ restaurant fire -- a fire of some description, but they merely look beautiful to you. Trance-like/ orchestrated...? Until death takes you also, because you have no way to save yourself. Everything is dream-like; surreal..? You don't even realise.

Overall,
this is a really sad piece. Though you have written it so beautifully. As I said above, I was mesmerised by this. I didn't want it to end. I was in the world which you created in this piece. A very lovely write. I hope I wasn't too far off the mark with my interpretations.

5/5

I love how it's centered and how each line has it's own spotlight so to speak...you have a great flow and I feel so peaceful while reading this. It works really well on giving an effect of the senses..

"velvety dancers burning,"
- My only suggestion would be maybe to write "velvet" instead of "velvety"? I guess I didn't like the "y" added to the end...

"dreamy elixir"
- Really unique! I haven't read "elixir" in a poem in a long time and it gives such a magical, enchanting taste to it.

Melancholy end, it seems like while it may be magic or some type of dreamy substance, it will also make you not even be in reality, be tucked away in sleep.

Really interesting, thanks for sharing :)