Comments : Surrender.

  • 11 years ago

    by X Harlea X

    I really like this. It's short, but gets your point across nicely. ((5))

  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I love the brevity in this Temps...it gives me that image of yearning for that someone to stay, and not leave. It also makes me think of fearing sleep, fearing that somehow when you wake up things will have changed---or fearing that day won't come.

    The last line was written with such passion, hoping and praying that the sunrise will come soon, to bring you both together again, even closer.

    Impacting write, keep it up :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Darren

    Good emotional short poem.
    Some great imagery contained, I love the matted seaweed , lily pad analogy.
    Reading again, it almost seems like a kind of nightmare you are desperate to wake up from.
    Sunrise is often linked to a new dawn, new start. Could you be hoping to wipe the slate clean, and start afresh.
    enjoyed reading this.

  • 11 years ago

    by Ray Blue

    This is an amazing poem! 5/5!

  • 11 years ago

    by Nema

    Like the previous comments :) concise and to the point. Deep and touching.

    Write on~
    =).

  • 11 years ago

    by Masked metaphor

    I like the imagery you have constructed with your beautifully appropriate word choice. My favourite example of this is tongue tied in silence, I find this very powerful and can bring forth many representations that your tongue allows you not to speak.
    I love the way you connect stanza two with stanza one, the words my eyes dampen as you drift, creates so much emotion as I can clearly see an image of tearfully liquidated eyes blurring with the tense sorrowful feeling of emptiness and loss, such deep feeling and experiences that you have perfectly captured in so few words.
    Amazing write!
    5,5

  • 11 years ago

    by Tanya

    I loved the words and the description you have used in this poem :) Great Job and Keep It Up! 10/10 xx