Running out of time

by -] Nobody [-   Aug 13, 2012

As I grow older
I wonder if I'll ever live to see my children
If I'll be able to roll in the floor with them
To play with em
To be the Father I know I could be
But it's still a dream that remains distant
Wondering through my dark times
Trying to make something out of nothing

Racing the clock
Knowing I'm one day closer to walking alone
Will my mother pass away like my Dad
Hard to imagine superman ever died
but the reality is
I'm one life away from being at my lowest
and its hard to focus on a future
When you don't know if you'll even live to see it

I pray and pray
Just want a sign to let me know it's alright
But I ain't never got one
So I wonder if it really is gonna be alright
I pray for God to help me
But I feel like I'm praying for my death when I do
I hope he understands
But he don't talk back and I don't know what he thinks

Maybe I should have been stronger
Maybe my best never was enough
Maybe I wasn't meant to have children
Because I couldn't give them what they needed
Answers to questions no one seems to know
Maybe he knew I wouldn't lie to them
Like people did me, telling me tomorrow was better
That everything would work itself out
Maybe they would be screwed up in the head like I am

It pisses me off to know
That they will never know their grandpa
That he won't be there if I get married one day
How much worse can it get
Words that run through my head daily
But it scares me to think that way
Cause I fear God will show me if I keep thinking it
Taking my mom from me and this world
Knowing she's all I've got
I Wish I could get away from it
But I can't get it out of my mind

I feel too naive to live in a moment
So far away from my goals with little time to waste
The harder I try the more I'm misunderstood
I'm trying too hard, I'm moving too fast
Seems it's always gotta be me doing something wrong
Watching these days fly by
Knowing one day I'll live to see em alone


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