Really nice work Sherden, I loved it. You BTW wrote 'Needs work' and hence I'm thinking somehow about the tenses of the verbs 'say', 'think' and 'leak' in the order to make them parallel with other tenses in the poem. I think, if I'm not mistaken, you'd better change them to 'saying', 'thinking' and 'leaking'. But anyway I thank you for such a powerful thoughts coming to your mind. I really enjoyed reading all your work.

Hard to live; easy to die
in this world we try to defy
Destiny has wrapped its tentacles
around my ankles...

Tossed and turned; pulled down
Body becoming one with the ground
Saying my last goodbye
Tears leaking from my eyes...

Trapped in my own nightmare
Rocking, back and forth; I'm scared
Thinking it easier to just surrender
Finally aware of Destiny's agenda

Are we really strong enough to survive?
Feeling I shouldn't really be alive
Trying ever so hard to just die
It's Destiny's agenda I try to defy...

Sorry for the double post :)))

I think this is amazing, I myself do not think it needs work although I know this is my opinion only. It holds such power and has used metaphors and phrases i have never hesard of before, like :

Destiny has wrapped its tentacles
around my ankles...

Tossed and turned; pulled down
Body becoming one with the ground

- really loved these lines, especially the top one, it really screamed out to me, quite unique imagery.

Great work, also love the title choice.

Nice poem keep writing

I think this was a really well written poem I do feel the flow went choppy in one part other then that the rhyming Sceam and word choice was perfect really well penned

Keep writing :)

5/5