Comments : Fumbling Maybes

  • 11 years ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    If I got it right this looks like someone who really wants to open to someone or tell them somthing but can't find the words or maybe someone who know but can't find the right words which then confuses them and they can't find them???

    Anyways lol from what I got I did think it was a bit bland , maybe it's cause I don't get it but this is the first poem of your I felt no emotion , I'd you would like to set me right mail me

    Anyway I don't think it's bad just didn't hit me like the rest

    :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Thomas

    Sometimes the words just won't come out and there is nothing more frustrating than that.

    Great poem Chels!

  • 11 years ago

    by Darren

    First of all you were very brave to list this under misc poems. From what I hear this is the backwater section that nobody reads!!!

    First line

    You paint the scene as very muggy, or you could be extremely stressed, tossing and turning trying to sleep.

    Line 2
    This line leads me down the path wondering if this is actually a poem about depression, part of the symptons can include a confused mind.

    Line 3
    This still links to above thoughts, part of depression is 'mind racing' where your mind goes into overdrive,

    Line 4
    Now simple language feels foreign, does the world and usual natural surroundings also feel foriegn to this person,

    Line 5
    This person is in a totally confused state, they do not acknowledge what is being said around them.

    Line 6
    Again this goes back to the mind racing scenario, Like the start and end rhyme to this line.

    Final line
    Interesting word choice with 'breed' I read this line 3 or 4 times until I realised that you possibly suggest that instead of talking freely your tongue is silent, to breed in conversational terms is to suggest a start of a conversation that leads to many more words.

    This is one possibilty,

    The other that comes to mind, is a boy trying to talk to a girl he wants to date, he starts to clam up and sweat and get nervous, 'breed' fits in nicely at the end of this scenario as well, because that is most teenage boys main priority.

    Great poem, has a double meaning and if neither of these are right it has a triple meaning!!!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Decayed

    Those damn Kite Runners are so damn talented!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    This is the stlye that I adore to read... Ugh, gimme more, Jen!!! :P

    The night is skintight

    ^ what an intro!!!! so musical... so creative!

    I would definitely like to see more verses in this piece, but that doesn't mean that its brevity made it lose anything........ it's perfect and well-defined the way it is. Awesome one, Jenni,,,, as always.... there is no piece from you that I don't like!

  • 11 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    I hate being at a loss for words... it makes everything awkward and the words that do stumble out are usually embarrassing.. at least in my case lol.

    amazing, as always, word usage. i love the word play with "muzzled" and "nuzzle"...works perfectly. :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    I agree with hannah, the words nuzzle and muzzled together are great, it seems like an idea for a good tongue twister!!

    Nice work Jenni, short but holds a lot of meaning. Nice title choice too, very unique whilst fitting to the poem.

  • 11 years ago

    by nouriguess

    I really have no idea if I am loving lots of poems lately whether because they're good or maybe because I haven't read poetry properly since a long long while... I love this piece by all means. I just love it.

    Your style here is totally my type, something I wish I always find in poetry. The way you kept it short is so smart. Everything is perfect.

    You started it in a direct tone...and I loved that. The metaphors are just awesome... I really haven't been so vague and speechless before. I am in love with this. Lol.

    Ok. Will shut up now but believe I will come back with a comment that makes sense soon. Hope this wins. I nominated it.

  • 11 years ago

    by Hellon

    First up...I like your title. Fumbling seems to give the inpression of uncertaintly and maybes confirm it so I feel there was wordplay going on from the start here.

    The night is skintight and my tongue is dry
    because of missing words and closed lips,
    but nothing is worse than searching for them;
    bound in foreign sentences, resting in
    bizarre mouths, that just swallow or spit.

    The first line is just brilliant!...skintight....the night is smothering you and making your tongue dry but....your thirst isn't for water it's for words..be it your own (that you can't find) or words you wish to hear from another? I will say here that I wasn't too keen on the word spit...it just didn't seem poetic nor did it fit the rest of the stanza?

    Muzzled because thoughts just nuzzle
    my tongue instead of breed with it.

    ^^^^

    I'm not sure about this either Jen..if you want to leave it like this then I think breed should be breeding. I've never associated thoughts nuzzling a tongue though?

  • 11 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Jenni marie sue ann!!! I had to give you middle names because this deserved a middle name yell!

    Omg how did I miss this. So phenomenal! I'm literally a little taken back by this to be honest.

    Your way with words Jen are like no other I've ever seen. Your opening stanza, My mouth opened!...the night, being skintight oh my word. Excellent metaphor! Like your suffocating, you need air, you need water.

    Your so right, but nothing is worse than searching for them. ...having a dry mouth, lost for words sucks, but it sucks worse trying to spit out what your trying to say and can't find the words.

    And your last stanza....wtffffff was that?? Just left me totally speechless Jen...for about 5 minutes. Excellent use of breed, I've never read it or thought about it that way. You should be proud of this poem. Incredible!

  • 11 years ago

    by Stephen

    Another great poem Jen. Although it is short that's okay, because it's what I like to call, short, sweet, and to the point. In these 6 lines of poetry you allow the reader to feel what you're feeling at the time. Missing the words of someone special? Or even yourself? Words you could use to write poetry with? IDK, but either way I've truly enjoyed this poem, keep it up!