Sun Splitting Face

by Rania Moallem   Sep 16, 2012


Ungrateful...

I'm bound to you
by places, nature,
by existence itself.

Do you think I would
forget how your
face split the sun
in two halves...
or that I can leave
behind me the eyes
we've tossed at
those tall pine trees.

How can I overlook
the light ribbons
that glowed when
your fingers wrapped
mine?

I know I might be ungrateful,
but dearest, you who loves me
to death,
who feels the world through
my breath, who cherishes me
like no other.
Whose morning starts
with the meeting
of my eyes, who
says I'm his darkest hour
yet his most hopeful sunrise...

It's just that I-
I miss being cold,
I miss being alone.
I miss turning
off my phone without
anyone worrying...

No longer accepting
being loved,
for totally
nothing...

except being me.
too good, for me...?

by: Rania Moallem

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  • 6 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    I do want to apologise for not commenting your work sooner, however I feel that it is worthy of good comments with depth and time is often of the shortness these days...

    Ungrateful,

    I'm bound to you
    by places, nature,
    by existence itself.

    ^^I love this opening, because I find that sometimes selfishness is not being ungrateful, it is time to look after ourselves, I feel you are saying that you are made to be ungrateful because of your existence, that is really sad, as if you are a burden, which is so not true.

    Do you think I would
    forget how your
    face split the sun
    in two halves...
    or that I can leave
    behind me the eyes
    we've tossed at
    those tall pine trees.

    ^^Wow, I am totally captured in this stanza by how you expressed turning your head away from what was staring you in the face, I may have the viewpoint totally wrong but I love that your poetry can give so many meanings to others.

    How can I overlook
    the light ribbons
    that glowed when
    your fingers wrapped
    mine?

    ^^I am torn to whether you are talking to yourself or someone else, for I can see it from both views, talking to the selfish side of you, or the selfish side of life...I hope I'm making sense...LOL...Probably not.

    I know I might be ungrateful,
    but dearest, you who loves me
    to death,
    who feels the world through
    my breath, who cherishes me
    like no other.
    Whose morning starts
    with the meeting
    of my eyes, who
    says I'm his darkest hour
    yet his most hopeful sunrise...

    It's just that I-
    I miss being cold,
    I miss being alone.
    I miss turning
    off my phone without
    anyone worrying...

    No longer accepting
    being loved,
    for totally
    nothing...

    except being me.
    too good, for me...?

    ^^^It was when I got to this point that I said...I know this feeling, trying not to be ungrateful for someone's love but just wanting to be alone for a while. to ponder my own thoughts, to wrap myself within my own love for a while and not have to be anything but who I am.

    Nana, The flow, the smoothness, deepness, honesty, passion, emotion, creativity, wording...it is just so you, so perfect...Beautiful
    xxxxxx

  • 6 years ago

    by Darren

    Your turn

    Our club have decided it would be a laugh to record our reviews,

    so here is the link for yours

    http://vocaroo.com/i/s0s2moc4X9g2

    I hope you like it

    Darren

    • 6 years ago

      by Rania Moallem

      :) ......that was so cool thanks ! do another haha

  • 6 years ago

    by Chelsey

    This poem just made me scream at the top of my longs the F word...really loud, really long.....Nana, Im going through this EXACT thing right now, I just wrote a poem called avoiding the inevitable, because its just almost seems like being single is the only choice, the only option...

    My God, if anyone could understand, if anyone knows what its like missing being alone, focusing on yourself, shutting off the phone without a boyfriend thinking the worst....its me, because I cant take it anymore either

    This poem did not help my decision LOL ughhh confused me more.. However, if I dont relate it to my situation and I pick apart this poem, Im in love with it...Loved the way it was directed towards this person. loved your use of "dearest" because your puppy names shows love is still there, and this is just frustration speaking in this piece...

    me oh my, I feel like you and I need a girls night out after this!

    • 6 years ago

      by Rania Moallem

      Lol Chelsey, I think that would do us justice hhaha

  • 6 years ago

    by Boy

    First of all i want to congrats you because you are a great writer.
    second the title took my attention and i read this poem.
    third this poem is out of my mind. to be very honestly its what i cannot understand excpet one stanza that is

    How can I overlook
    the light ribbons
    that glowed when
    your fingers wrapped
    mine?

    so its something very sad that touched my heart my friend. your poetry is very difficult foe me to understand sometimes :). but i treid alot by reading again and again and atlast i successful to get the meaning behind it.
    the personification with sun gives very strong image to the reader.

    you are not alone anymore friend.
    good piece once again my friend. 5/5

  • 6 years ago

    by Nema

    I..I'm..well..I'm speechless.

    Wait. *takes a deep breath as if oxygen would be filled with words to comment*..

    Okay..

    I'd like to first say I didn't understand the "Ungrateful" opening until I read the end. This was absolutely brilliant, the stupid awards won't still make me nominate this..UUGHHH!!!
    But consider it nominated :)

    Your enjambment in this poem reminded me of Sylvia Plath, she was known for how beautiful she used it to break the lines into stanzas in the poem. Yours here was really good and well broken (Isn't it some kind of paradox to break something to be more beautiful). Anyhow..

    "How can I overlook
    the light ribbons
    that glowed when
    your fingers wrapped
    mine?"
    ^
    You gave me chills. I'm not sure whether to hate or love you for this haha. Kidding =) This is my favorite part (apart from the ending).

    "Who's morning starts"
    ^
    I think you meant "whose" :)

    I'd want to quote the whole remaining stanzas of the poem but I'm afraid you'll get bored of my freakishly long comment.

    The next stanza was a bit off at the beginning but its last two lines were..were...exquisite. Yes, that's the word!

    I think I understand this poem fully and I'd personally feel like it's written about the story of my life, once, years ago.

    Thank you for writing this, really, your ending amazed me, it is beyond beautiful. I love it and I love you for writing this. I'll forever keep reading it.

    I'm officially your loyal fan, humbly :)
    Shine on and on and on~

    P.S Forgive my blabbering comment haha.