Hanner Nanner!! Congrats on the win baby girl! This poem is astounding. Seriously love the story in it, love the revenge, the the power that comes from a woman who can't take it anymore.love the darkness, the twist, the detail. Everything about this poem is so fascinating and I feel like you have grown from this write compared to your poems the last few months.
5 years ago
Hannah, I enjoyed this cold murder plot. It felt creepy, and a little bit sarcastic in the end in the way you tended to kill. "number thirty six" was a beautiful incorporation... It adds some fogginess. Overall, I liked this poem so much. You have some enticing narrative skills in there.
Oh hun, I am sorry that I haven't seen this one until now. Wow, so powerful, vivid and emotional.
I could really feel the fear that you were going through. Your words, the entire poem had a dark feel to it which I am sure every reader can connect to. I love the strength in the end of the poem though, the fact that you walked away. AWESOME
Two lines: but a fantastic start -- especially considering this is no love poem but rather in the 'dark' section. Intriguing.
that's how you greeted me at the door,
like we were some happy, married couple.
Just a charade you put on, a game for the neighbors to envy.
My skin crawls as you grind your teeth before you lick your lips...
what did I ever do to deserve this?
This stanza makes the reader intensely curious - especially that last line - what is 'this' tha you may or may not deserve? I love the mystery and wickedness you present here.
Hush now, baby...
Again, I love this short line - it only emphasises the eeriness of of the piece.
words that slither off your tongue, just like the snake you are.
I'm trying to compose myself,
I know you only warn me once...
Why do you continue to buy me expensive clothing?
Shreads of pink silk are scattered across our bedroom floor,
drenched with salty mascara stains with a hint of blood.
I believe 'shreads' should be 'shreds' or perhaps 'threads' ??
Flawless imagery once again. Love it.
I actually find this kind of amusing - though it adds to the question - what are you going to do?
the slumber of the silence is the only time I know I'm safe.
Your snore and mumbled words bounce off the walls,
a whiskey induced coma for night number thirty six.
Should I take a chance on freedom, escape this Hell on Earth?
should I take my sweet revenge?
Freedom or revenge? Considering you have entered this house on your own accord, I think freedom is unreachable because you would've tried already. Obviously this person (thing?) holds power over you that you cannot ignore. Therefore, I think revenge is the only possible choice.
I like this - by this point, the reader is well aware of what this means.
that's what I have finally done.
I, for once, have become your terrifying nightmare.
As the stigma in your left eye twitches one last time,
I stroke your crimson matted hair,
watching you take your last gasp of air before your departure,
I sigh into your ear,
OH WOW! LOVE THIS ENDING! I'm slightly speechless, though I must say, I actually really love that you avoided going into detail about what you actually did, instead leaving it up to the readers imagination.
A well deserved win indeed, Hannah. Congratulations.
I really love how you started this poem with Hello Lover and ending it with Goodbye Lover....nice word play.
I wonder how many women suffer this treatment in silence never knowing what state their partner will come home in....always fearful...always wary....it's not a good place to be in. Also you added the expensive presents which are bought as a way of apology knowing that they will very soon be taken back and ripped to shreds when the next rage takes place.
I know this was written for a contest so you could let your mind play with the ending and....boy did I love your revenge....it made me shout...good on you girl!!!!!
Nice job...and...Congrats on your win...very much deserved!
This was something really wonderful.... I couldn't leave reading it till the end... I loved the dark imaginary here and the details were so clear and crisp... I am happy that you won cuz this is worth the win!! Beautiful piece... Just love it:)