This poem had a meaning that stuck out tramendisly! well done!

I always wanted to write a poem on child labor bt nvr cum up wid sumthing to show d pain they go thru, bt this piece u wrote for them ..seriously, u tuk time bt u did d justice wid d title..thanks

Really brilliant!
I guess that "idreas" gives 3 syllables (not 2)
But even though I really loved the topic you're penning this poem about and how it is important to talk about as well as your choice of making it as chained haiku style. Well done

A lovely write but it was also very sad and emotional. Even though the poem wasn't very long I felt it said alot and it really stood out to me.

5/5

Even better the second time I've read it! You always have such a deep meaning to your writings.

Oh my gosh Amreen, really interesting topic. I love this chained haiku, very nice creativity, because anyone can write a chained haiku, but the creativity lies in the fact that you wrote it about nature which is what a haiku is, but the nature you chose (young birds) was a metaphor for child labor. I just found that really interesting. Seriously, well done! Excellent wording!

Amreen

I have recorded your review on the following link

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0PYU0DOVeTd

hope you like it.

Who knew that writing about something so heartbreaking could turn out beautiful like this? Seriously, I'm amazed by this piece. I adore the metaphor of the young birds for child labor.

First stanza: Minds of children start to spread their wings for the first time and truly learn about all the great possibilities in life.

Second: I love paint the sky with wisdom and chirp new ideas...seriously great word choices. As the young children start to follow their dreams, figure out who they truly are... they are the new generation, so they are our future.

Third: A twist of fate. Their dreams come crashing down and they are exposed to some of the cruelest things in life. I like how you incorporated the 'wind' in here to tie along with the birds.

Fourth: Young children being slaves, it just truly breaks my heart. I can't bare to even think about it.

Fifth: The children have no life but to work... no happiness, nothing... They live to please them... pretty much have them shackled down and cut their wings off... so they are flightless.

Amazing write... nominating! :D

Excellent poem Amreen..
few words have spoken great n deep meanings!
*_*

I really, really enjoyed this piece! Haiku is one of my favorite forms of poetry and you've definitely mastered the art in this piece. The subject is provocative and deep, which makes it all the better. Beautiful!

A brilliant piece. Words fail me.
This is a beautiful poem so full of realism.
In this harsh and unloving world we live in, these words bring a shaft of welcome light into the corners of mankinds evil deeds..
Thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Brilliant sweetheart!

5/5 Ingrid

Awesome haikuing Amreen. Keep it up. You are really good at this form! Such a sad message inside this powerful piece. Be proud of this poem Amreen.

5/5

Lostlove~

I love everything about this poem, I especially like the correlation as you tie your topic to the flight
of the free bird.

My only critique is that these young spirits definitely add new ideas to the world. but to use the word "wisdom" kind of through me off a bit.
to me wisdom is a thing that only comes with age and this poem is all about children. You might consider changing that word.

loved it though!!

5/5

I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS PIECE.

The message.
The message is a powerful one and one that should definitely be heard. Things like this are still occurring and it's really not fair on children. All children have the right to a safe and happy childhood, but sadly, this is not what every child gets. So great message to get out there.

The idea.
I love this idea. Not only the message, but the idea of using the birds to show this message it's a really clever way because many represent birds as either free or caged. I like the idea that these "birds" are flightless, their wings are clipped, so freedom is not achievable. They can run, but it won't help, because this is what they MUST do often to support their families. I really love the bird theme << have I mentioned that?! lol. Well done.

The form.
I personally find Haikus difficult to write because of the lack of space with the syllables. Its very restricted. So I especially love your talent for being able to write several perfectly joined haikus. Superb!

Word choice/arrangement.
Incredible word choice. This also links with the bird theme, and I really like that. But not only your word choice, the way you have arranged the words and the poem as a whole is incredible. I love the innocence and hope feeling of the first couple of haikus only for the mood to turn dark - it's incredibly arranged.

The emotion.
Yes, the emotion is evident throughout the whole piece. Very strong indeed, and I think close to your heart..? As I said above, the first couple of stanzas seem to express such feelings of innocence, hope and joy (i.e. what a childhood should be like) but then things turn sorrowful and horrible which truly makes the message that much more impactful.

The imagery.
The use of the birds instantly gives incredible imagery. But not only that it makes the reader think of other things similar to those that are trapping the birds which give rise to thoughts of child exploitation as you have intended. Beautiful work.

Overall;
This piece is brilliant. I am so glad you have written this and shared it with the world. I really hope people listen to this and this can be resolved as soon as possible. No child should suffer such ways of life.

Excellent. 5/5

This is lovely. I like the title because it easily captures the reader's attention. Birds are usually associated with freedom since they can fly, but to think that they are 'flightless' contradicts that.
Haiku/s oftentimes simply show a still moment; an image; juxtaposes images and such. But this told a story, and it is a very good eye-opener.

I loved your topic, Amreen. And since you restricted yourself in one form, you'll get more applause. Greatly expressed.

Very very morbid, and something which definitely deserves more attention in the US. topic wise i encourage you to continue writing poems like this one, and over all it was very beautifully written. i liked that each of the stanzas was pretty much a standalone haiku, but given nuance and context from the ones before and after. a very enjoyable read.

Love the metaphor of the kids being birds and the loss of the feathers. This is really cool, a great metaphorical poem with a deep passionate message that you care about.

This is so deep and emotional. Such a beautiful write.
I did find some minor errors with the 5,7,5 count, but the poem over all was extremely powerful.
5/5 from me.