Asking Avery II

by Jad   Nov 1, 2012


Drunken stars collide slowly,
to erase those fading dreams
drowned in cold tides
wherein fears confide,
but soon we'll find ourselves again
lost in sorrow and bound to sin.

Avery, kiss our love goodbye
for a mistake is all we were,
like gasoline to a striking match
burning all too close and attached,
finding promises among debris
opening our mind to set us free.

So please listen to the dying cries
of a silent whisper hushed by death,
as I lie silently in my mistakes
always looking for a way to escape.
So, Avery, can you tell me why
all we have ever been is a lie?

1


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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    Hello, Austin!

    It's nice to have you back here on PnQ, your epics and presence have been dearly missed.
    : P

    I have been having a tendency for sad poetry lately, I am unable to read but those general stuff about death and breaking-ups. I find this one really melancholic and simplistic, truly well-done.
    Love the kissing goodbye and gasoline image. Burning means misshaping, means forgetting and walking on and never looking back, because when you burn something, it's forever gone. It's rather heartbreaking to pen that down.
    I love the 'finding promises amidst debris'. However, I'd find something less direct. That stanza was my favorite.

    'burning all to close and attached'
    to = too?

    'finding promises among the debris'
    No 'the' needed here.

    'opening our mind to set use free.'
    'use' = 'us'?

    Just some typos!

    I like the ending, the questioning after all that's been confessed. Such a strong way to impress the reader! Loved the way you called her all throughout the piece, makes everything so beautifully personal.

    I'm so happy I read your work again. I really am.
    Nice poem.

  • 5 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Austin, it has been a while since you posted and you came back with a GOOD one. It is simply wonderful. It flows smoothly, the message is delivered with clarity. I love the last two lines. Those two lines pull the entire poem together in that you were talking to Avery with the other lines, describing the lost love, etc., and now asking her for an explanation. Good job.