Comments : I Am Vain

  • 11 years ago

    by Amreen

    Good piece LW... I liked the acclaimations...
    :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Darren

    Great piece again, nice to see it posted to your account ; - )

    This deserves a closer look

    I love how each line contradicts each other,

    7 double lines, starting with double 1

    'I rove through bleak alleys' gives off a real sense of senselessness , bleak suggests no destination, no future, alleys are tight drab places, you must feel like the world is closing in around you,

    part 2
    Love the suggestion in this, there is a blade in reach, you are leaving it to the reader to make their own mind up, the fact you know there is a blade, and it is 'in reach' rather than 'on the side' or 'in the drawer' suggests to me that this character does.

    part 3
    interesting word choice 'unaided' you wouldn't normally associate this with miserable normally someone who is alone unless being alone has made you miserable.

    part 4
    This is my favourite part, really strong imagery with 'holes in the wall' you can picture somebody punching holes to release stress or anger,

    part 5
    This works very well, not only do you have anxieties but they control you, such a good use of words here.

    part 6
    Suicidal thoughts punish those peoples minds daily, hourly at every potential opportunity, so 'punishing' is a great word choice.

    part 7
    really sad ending and shows a depressive chain of thought that links well with the rest of the poem.

    I love how every second line is almost an understatement for its preceding line.

    great poem and worthy to post to your account.

    If I had a nomination button, I would nominate because this is that good.

  • 11 years ago

    by Darren

    Woo hoo. my nomination button has returned . so i have nominated this.

    • 11 years ago

      by LostWords

      WOW!! Thank you so much Darren, that means a lot.

  • 11 years ago

    by TSI25

    I like the feeling of silence here. no dialogue, just a stern person willing to deal with these torments in silence simply because no one is there to offer assistance. while i am taking it a little literally, i think this does a good job of alluding to how stoic a lot of people who actually need help will be, because they dont necessarily want to thrust their problems on others for whatever reason. enjoyed reading this very much.

    • 11 years ago

      by LostWords

      Thank you, you captured my poem very well.