Comments : Prayer

  • 4 years ago

    by Britt

    I'm so sorry for your loss, Sibby. This is a beautiful and tragically heartfelt piece, I hope it helped even a little. Prayers for you and yours.

  • 4 years ago

    by Jordan

    I wish I could write like this. Your ability to write in the first person without sounding self involved gives your work such high ground.

    "while combing my hair, examining
    my nails, testing the texture
    of my skin. While I'm driving,
    watching leaves blow
    across the road I think about death
    wavering over cold waters, when
    the sun falls through leaves like coins
    death in a peeled orange in
    a swallow of wine in
    every seventh kiss I
    build up credits of death so that"

    Yeah I know I put the whole stanza here. It's just that I find that your attention to detail is astounding. You don't skip a beat...

    The meticulous nature of the poem is represented so well in the form and flow.

    I like how the tone of each stanza starts of slow and then goes out roaring.

    I can't tell if you left punctuation out of the end of the first stanza on purpose or not, but I feel a sense of panic there - confusion or fear - even though it's not necessarily represented by words.

    Reaching the part where you switch from thinking about death in general to thinking specifically about the death of whom
    is the object of your love, is like finding out that the breaks in your car are gone while you're coasting downhill.

    The long line at the end and the frantic repetition/juxtaposition of anything and everything fits so well.

    Such raw talent displayed here. You're a true poetess.

  • 4 years ago

    by A lonely soul

    Minted in desponency, mired in a beauty of its own. Unrestrained poetic sadness, inking tribulations......

    The heart is full of grief, the mind full of anguish, and the poet's pen leaking tears of black ink.....

    The reader's pen inks sympathy in this sad moment.

  • 4 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Sibs,
    This poem is moving in two phases. First you expose yourself - your obsession with death. Then it shifts so the reader discovers the obsession is not with death but protection. Your fear of loss is demonstrated to be constant by your litany of commonplace events, unrelated to.each other save for the meandering concern with his absence. The shift becomes gradually evident during the second stanza and is confirmed once you move into the bargaining stage. Subtle development of the theme gives this poem a solid impact.
    Minor typo: should it not be "my ribs?"

  • 4 years ago

    by Exostosis

    I see the poem a bit idk...not exactly differently. But as a reader I am going through a different notion than just the fear of death, the process of dying.

    To me it seems, as though the author is analyzing death. The routine life, where she is brushing her hair and she looks in the mirror. Looking at her skin she wonders about death. The leaves blow, detaching from the trees, swaying and gracing the ground and water faces. She is driving and the sun sets through the branches and leaves. It will rise again tomorrow, but today, right then, it is the curtain of gloom and darkness. With the peeling of a fruit and with every kiss she wonders about death. The end result for all things is the same, death. Why does she fear it? What is there to fear? She observes and analyses as though reasoning emotions.

    She is preparing herself. Perhaps she thinks that if she is prepared enough for the moment when the bad news comes. Then may be, just may be she wont fall apart. The blow won't leave her devastated. She knows the moment, a call and lost is the one who cannot be replace. Not with money or tears or if she did all the things for him that most annoyed her. Those arms will then, no longer provide warmth.

    In short the author is analyzing death and loss, preparing herself for an event she knows she will not be able to handle, but prepares anyways, because its the only defense mechanism at disposal.

    Do correct me if I'm wrong.

    Very well written.

    • 4 years ago

      by sibyllene

      Excellent analysis. You actually read more into things like leaves and sun than I was even intending (I wrote this poem in one draft, very quickly), but I expect there was a part of my brain that was making those connections without me noticing.

  • 4 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    I guess I relate to this write more than I want to admit. I too think about the death of my dear ones so often. It's heart-wrenching to even think about it.
    I don't want to comment on every bit, though I feel that each description symbolizes heaps of emotions. Just needed to point out the part about phone calls and being ready to sacrifice anything as long as it's not that one person... it broke my heart. I couldn't help but imagine receiving such bad news and having too many names and faces of random people in my head, kind of wishing it could be them all but not my beloved ones.

    I'm dazzled by this write, blown away.
    Congratulations on a very well deserved win.

  • 4 years ago

    by silvershoes

    "Your ability to write in the first person without sounding self involved gives your work such high ground."

    I'm glad Jordan was able to figure this out and put it to words. He's absolutely right.

    I love this poem, as I love all of your poems. Nothing more to say.

  • 4 years ago

    by Donnie

    I lost my dad on Nob. 10, 2012. I thimk of him every day. While reading this poem I felt it im my heart. Great poem

  • 4 years ago

    by Donnie

    I lost my dad on Nob. 10, 2012. I thimk of him every day. While reading this poem I felt it im my heart. Great poem

  • 4 years ago

    by Donnie

    I lost my dad on Nob. 10, 2012. I thimk of him every day. While reading this poem I felt it im my heart. Great poem

  • 4 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    Sibs, I am so glad I can finally let you know how much this piece moved me, here was my comment :

    "This is incredibly creative and such a unique way of looking at/thinking about death. Upon reading the first opening line I thought it was going to turn into one of those pieces that fell into cliche category about losing a loved one and the sort of poem that many of us happen to write when we very first begin writing and don't know any better. By the time I had finished reading I was very glad that I was wrong about my initial thoughts and pleasantly surprised by the way the author turned this into something so personal and meaningful.

    "death in a peeled orange in
    a swallow of wine in
    every seventh kiss I
    build up credits of death so that"

    These are beautifully portrayed-while the idea is the same as previously I find these lines to hold so much more meaning and depth here, simply because the times mentioned beforehand are those that are known to be when someone thinks about death after losing a loved one/when there is a chance they will lose someone close. But these lines really add such emotion here and make it clear that the author does not think about death at random times but at every single moment in their daily life. I also liked how the author states they build up credits of death as I found this incredibly bittersweet and moving.

    This is such a beautiful and heart wrenching piece that it is difficult to find anything to critique here and it seems to be incredibly personal to the author themselves. The only thing I noticed was in the closing lines "by" should be my?

    The ending again is so moving. We all wish that it will never be that one special person that we hold so dear and the author manages to showcase this perfectly"

    I truly hope that you are able to overcome your pain and are able to look on the brighter side of the past memories!

  • 4 years ago

    by Donnie

    Great poem. Loved it, I'm glad I got to read it thank you

  • 4 years ago

    by Donnie

    Sorry just seen were it posted my comment multiple times.