Comments : Tomorrow Starts December

  • 4 years ago

    by Amreen

    Your first poem and worth it... This is epic... I loved everything of it.. Nominating next week:)
    Excellent piece^^

  • 4 years ago

    by AngelDust

    Like ^ said, this is epic. Made my cry. There's so much emotion in this piece and it got my heart.. I hope these new writes are a new beginning for you. Love ya.

    xox

  • 4 years ago

    by AngelDust

    Posted twice

  • 4 years ago

    by AngelDust

    Whether that ending is good or bad, its so good to have you back!! The poem that reminded you of your grandmother is about my grandmother.

  • 4 years ago

    by PAUL HEWSON

    Because in the shadows of obscurities,
    the lingering aroma of your insecurities

    Here is the anger , the up tempo rant !!! that how i read these lines .. i would like to hope that it is just a bueatifull poem but it stings to much to be just made from imagination : ( keep writing .. 5/5

  • 4 years ago

    by Hellon

    This has such a melancholy tone to it...just like the Decembers I remember when I lived in the the UK. Everything seemed to go into hibernation...trees, animals and sometimes people as they waiting for the spring to visit again.

    So many beautiful verses that I could not pick a favourite..they just flowed so very well together.

    Loved..loved...loved it!!!

  • 4 years ago

    by Formidable Muse

    This poem really jumped out at me.

    Tomorrow starts December,
    But I've been cold for so long.
    The frost bitten corners of my heart -
    There's no saving it now.

    ^^The pain of a broken heart, this is a really powerful stanza, it lets me imagine all that you've been through in these lines alone. Frost bitten heart? I love that wording.

    The sound that poured from your mouth
    Was the warmest August day.
    but your autumn lips, beautiful and bitter,
    Sent my happiness to hibernation.

    ^^The cause of your frost bitten heart. Interesting phrasing throughout this.

    There.. there it slumbers deep.
    Gripped in a black cave of my freezing heart.
    Where only warmth from your fingertips reach.
    But now it might be too late.

    ^^Chilling imagery. I like how you went from the hibernation to the deep slumber, I think it fits really well.

    Because in the shadows of obscurities,
    the lingering aroma of your insecurities
    Waltzed on a summer breeze..
    and you.. You followed.

    ^^Love the flow of this. Obscurities, insecurities and breeze have a nice rhythm together.

    My happiness lays forgotten
    Immobilizing slow while snow falls.
    Black ice invades the chambers in my chest
    As the rest of me loses function.

    ^^Slowly freezing? I like the picture of black ice opposed to ice in general, it adds a creative touch.

    Love, tomorrow starts December
    and I'm dying
    so cold.

    ^^I liked the ending as well. Overall I think this is an extremely wonderful poem. I also really enjoy your writing style.

    Only negative in my mind, is certain words you left capitalized that I think should be lower case and vise-versa. Mainly in the 2nd and 5th stanzas.

    I'm excited to read more of your work (:

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Wow your words are amazing. It's has such a melancholy, sombre feel to it which I expect you were trying to achieve with the section it's in :)

    Tomorrow starts December,
    but I've been cold for so long.
    The frost bitten corners of my heart -
    There's no saving it now.
    ^^
    This opening let's the reader know how broken you are because you heart is feeling being 'frost bitten' and that you cannot be saved, which after so long being hurt would be the result.

    The sound that poured from your mouth
    was the warmest August day.
    But your autumn lips, beautiful and bitter,
    sent my happiness to hibernation.
    ^^
    This here gives an insight as to why you are feeling broken because of someone's words to you. You wording is great. I guess your fave time is Autumn with you referring to their lips as Autumn.

    There.. there it slumbers deep.
    Gripped in a black cave of my freezing heart.
    Where only warmth from your fingertips reach,
    but now it might be too late.
    ^^
    This made me think of the quote 'actions speak louder than words' for some reason. Well, I guess because they broke promises they made and you needed action to follow through with the words they spoke to help you believe in their words. I love the imagery here.

    Because in the shadows of obscurities,
    the lingering aroma of your insecurities
    waltzed on a summer breeze..
    and you.. You followed.
    ^^
    I love this. The lingering aroma of your insecurities is great wording and many if us have them which break up relationships.

    My happiness lays forgotten
    immobilizing slow while snow falls.
    Black ice invades the chambers in my chest
    as the rest of me loses function.
    ^^
    I love the image of your heart slowly freezing because of this person. They turned cold as have you without their love.

    Love, tomorrow starts December
    and I'm dying
    so cold.
    ^^
    What a beautiful ending.so elegantly done.

    Em