Comments : Ashen

  • 11 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    Wonderful, Jenni.

    I love the phrases 'chewing on stars' and 'sun melts in your palm' ... very creative.

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    Strange piece, I mean content wise, Rather, something unexpected. However, I like the vocab as well as the story.

    My take on this piece, seems like is about a homeless girl. They all admired her because she works hard and she is coming afloat with her life. But they don't want her life of course.

    I see why it's under sad, because it is sad but you did a great job capturing the aura of this girl, as well as to include the narrators tone of voice while the narrator talks to her.

    Quiet interesting.

  • 11 years ago

    by Hellon

    This is a very intriging write Jenni and I will admit I have pondered the meaning throughout the day and still I can't come up with the thoughts behind this poem. It sounded very sad like it was the story of an orphan or something? I know there was a movie about Amelie but I haven't seen it so I'm not sure if there is some reference to that?

    I would be very glad to hear from you about it....I'm still pondering haha!!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Thomas

    Not sure what the topic is but I love the metaphors.

    Especially about chewing shooting stars.
    Very creative write.

  • 11 years ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    That was beautiful jenni ,

    The sun melts in your palms

    So warm :)

    Great write

  • 11 years ago

    by Formidable Muse

    I agree with Luce, this is quite a strange write yet it's also very intriguing.

    With loss at hand you sprawl bones
    half naked into blurry nights and on behalf
    of the moon you chew on shooting stars
    - trying to get out of its pocket.

    ^^This makes me wonder if it's about a prostitute? With a mixture of the title; being a drained pale face and this section, but I really don't know. I do enjoy the imagery you portray with it though. "chew on shooting stars" That's a really cool phrase.

    And the word Amelie... It sounds french but nothing comes up in Google Translate.

    Anyway, I enjoyed this poem. I'm hoping to see more from you soon. I do wish you'd write more than once in a blue moon (:

  • 11 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    I swear I don't read enough of your poetry, because when I do I see something so different in every piece.

    I cannot make out the meaning/story of this poem, my only thought is that is about a child who has lost her father but there seems to be something else, but I can't quite get it.

    That intrigues me and makes this piece all that more awesome, it is just so different from anything I have read.

    Beautifully sad, beautifully penned

    x

  • 11 years ago

    by Xanthe

    I often have a hard time commenting on yours poems, that's why it is always a treat reading from you. As stated, you are very creative, you leave the readers pondering and intrigued. There's little to no cliche whatsoever.
    Your pieces are mostly two-faced in my opinion. I'm usually not sure whether to expect a metaphorical or literal one, even when I am already reading through. So I often read your poems at least twice, and they don't ever dull.

    The first half of the first stanza read to me that this was about a prostitute. "sprawl bones," "blurry nights," "chew on shooting stars" and the reference to the pocket pointed to money. Enjoyed the wording, btw.
    But it also reads to me as a story of someone so simple, who has gone through her own personal struggles and faced her own demons - the loss of her father, a factor, and her 'neighbors' stares as well, but it doesn't seem to be bordering on judgment. I loved the mannequins simile, it was fresh and different. I'm not sure if you are referring to those dressed up, perhaps not. But when I pass by, or when I see people glance at mannequins it is just fleeting, most of the time. So it may be passive, easy to forget, but if they pass by often, it becomes routine and expected.
    The final verse exemplifies simplicity once more, and selflessness, I guess.

    It's overall - soft, a bit abstract, and unique. Well-written.

    Write more :)