Countdown

by Hannah Lizette   Dec 16, 2012


Pamper me with your poetry,
whisk me away into a foreign land -
a land full of sunset smiles
and vanishing fog that escorts me
straight to you.

As you murmur candied words
into my everlasting hungry ears,
I yearn to feel that tingle
of your breath upon my perfumed collar.

Whilst you sip your raven coffee from abroad,
I'll savor my citrus tea from here -
counting down the days until we can share
a cup under cotton sheets.

Copyright 2012: Hannah K.

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  • 11 years ago

    by CathyButterflyJC

    AWWWWWWWWWWWM I LOVED THIS POEM SOOOOO MUCH, IT MELTED MY HEART 100/100

  • 11 years ago

    by Xanthe

    Though there is 'yearning', there is also a quiet patience radiating in this piece what with the tone you've used. Once again, your descriptions and utilisation of imagery makes this magical, I'd say. And suppose I read this piece without seeing who the author is, I'm sure I'd guess it's you right away. As a writer, your style is quickly standing out.

    Truly an enjoyable read. Keep it up!

  • 11 years ago

    by Formidable Muse

    Hannah this poem is extremely brilliant. After reading all the comments I didn't want to just repeat what you've already heard, but I also couldn't say nothing because this poem is just amazing.

    Pamper me with your poetry,
    whisk me away into a foreign land -
    a land full of sunset smiles
    and vanishing fog that escorts me
    straight to you.

    ^^The beautiful fantasy of being love struck, going into a foreign land of perfection. When you find the one that will take you there you know that it is something real, something extremely special that you don't want to lose.

    As you murmur candied words
    into my everlasting hungry ears,
    I yearn to feel that tingle
    of your breath upon my perfumed collar.

    ^^ This is extremely interesting, it got me thinking about how when we love someone we feel so much and have a hard time putting everything into words, describing those sweet tingling sensations we feel from the words the person may say or even just the thought of them. I feel like this is such an amazing summary of feelings in a way, that it describes way more than just the words you have written.

    Whilst you sip your raven coffee from abroad,
    I'll savor my citrus tea from here -
    counting down the days until we can share
    a cup under cotton sheets.

    ^^I feel like this stanza has a couple different meanings whether it being physical or mental separation. I think that ever second you are apart makes things more desirable, it tests your love and adds to the passion. Oh and the imagery in this stanza is simple yet amazing.

    Should there be a comma after everlasting? I think it would make it easier to read as a reader. "Into my everlasting, hungry ears"
    That was the only thing that made me stumble a little bit and the only thing I could see to criticize in any way.

    Nicely written Hannah.

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Pamper me with your poetry,
    whisk me away into a foreign land -
    a land full of sunset smiles
    and vanishing fog that escorts me
    straight to you.

    - this is so imaginitive and romantic. It is like a small scene from a movie in where anything can come true and this is what you are wishing for. It creates a very nice tone and flow here and sets the meaning of the poem as that of two lovers seperated but wanting to be with each other.

    As you murmur candied words
    into my everlasting hungry ears,
    I yearn to feel that tingle
    of your breath upon my perfumed collar.

    - I love the metaphor of candied words, and hungry ears, this was brilliant and had a great affect because to me it portrayed this persons voice and how it can instantly make you feel like a child does when it recieves candy. Amazing.

    Whilst you sip your raven coffee from abroad,
    I'll savor my citrus tea from here -
    counting down the days until we can share
    a cup under cotton sheets.

    - beautiful ending, giving the idea that this seperaton is only a temporary thing, perhaps for work matters etc, but that these two lovers will return to being together soon.

    Beautiful poem Hannah x

  • 11 years ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    Really good images here , such love and emotion loved
    This :) one :)

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