Rain [ Senryu ]

Short but deep. i like the imagery you used here.i didn't quite understand the last line. it seemed out of place to me. but overall i loved it . darkness is everywhere and i think you portrayed that in this poem.

Splendid Amreen!!!

Black clouds burst to rain,
raindrops perch on her eyelids
love affects the air.

This feels metaphoric, almost. I can see the obvious natural aspect of it, but it sounds almost like lovers in the rain.

raindrops perch on her eyelids
^This sounded like tears to me, at first glance. And I love how you worded it. It sounds so, strait. I can't find the correct way to work this. It's very proper, old English beautiful, in a way. Maybe I'm over-analyzing, but this is fabulous!

Short but great! :) I like it's message! Well written!

I like when short poems like this convey a message that is much larger. This one certainly does. Great piece!