Awww... this is so cute! Great job:b

I just wondered why the title is in past tense... and not in present.

I mean I know you have pictured marshmallows but in the present you can't picture this someone with you beyond the golden gates.

So I thought that perhaps, the title will be better to be in present tense than in past tense, since the main attraction of this piece is what you can't picture in the present. And that's the sad part of this piece.

Other than that, it's a good piece.

I like the rhyming you have in certain parts of the poem. It is sad that your picturing that dearest person at the golden gate but yet you can't seem to find a future.

I think when you find that someone in this life and they were beyond more than everything you wanted in a person . . .. then why not? chose them beyond the golden gates (in which I interpret this as gates of heaven)

My thoughts have collected
dust and these unwanted
visions have invaded my
space.

- oh I can relate to this so much, great opening. The same thoughts which have haunted you for so long, they never change or seem to make a difference but just take up space in your mind and your time. Good use of the word invaded, showing how unwanted they are.

I keep picturing you, I keep
picturing me.
We are standing before a golden
gate holding just a simple
key.

- interesting, introducing the key as simple but yet we know it is going to be much more than this because keys open things and so I automatically wondered what this key would open for you.

I am afraid to insert the key
Into its lock and unsure if there's
a garden like home beyond its
entrance. My eyes are very much
afraid but curious to see the life
beyond the grave.

- I would take the capital I away from into , on the second line. Good description of your mixed emotions here, part of you is so fearful of what will be beyond, but the other part cant help but want to know. This could relate to so many paths we come across in life when we just don't know which road to take.

I pictured marshmallow clouds
and sunflower fields. I pictured kites
flying and bird chirping, children playing
and newly mother nursing.

- I would suggest changing "bird chirping" into birds chirping, and also "newly mother" to either " a newly mother" or "newly mothers" This scene you have created is so mesmerising, it truly is like heaven, a future worth firghting for. One of peace, beauty and hope.

I picture life in it's most peaceful state,
but I can't picture a future for you and I
beyond the golden gates.

- That is a very heart breaking ending - you do not give a reason, so it leaves us to think what we want, whether it is because that person is no longer here, or that the relationship is too damaged that you do not see it having a future. Both very powerful and a very clear emotion of uncertainty.

I really liked this, well done. 5/5

Thank you for your comment and suggestion I appreciate both:)

I liked the flow of your thoughts bearing hope in all their folds. Finding yourself with him in front of a golden gate is itself hope breathing. The most powerful point over here is that you picture these things building in mind they are hopeful, and thereafter you wish the same will be with future.
I loved your work, great piece.

Love the cloud imagination

I really find the imagery in this poem beautiful. The marshmallow clouds. The sunflower fields.
It's really beautiful.
However, a few notes:
"Newly mothers nursing" I think you mean, "new mothers nursing"
And perhaps you should try to focus on your symbolism. You have strong images, but what do you want them to mean? I know you are aware of these images, but I know you can delve deeper into them. I know you're a strong writer -- this poem has a lot of emotion, but I know you can make it a lot stronger. I believe in you.c:

U r writing sum realy nice poems these days..
No doubt, u wil win soon.
Beautiful..beautiful

Wow this is deep .Very well written .The flow and imagery is heavenly

Heartfelt! 5/5!

Lol oh wow!!! this is very beautiful! :)

First stanza: Wonderful opening! Thoughts collecting dust because they have stayed there for so long... great imagery! They are invading your space, it shows how much you really dislike them and can't wait for them escape.

Second stanza: You keep the reader on the edge of their seats... waiting to see what the key opens!

Third stanza: You are torn between staying put or opening the lock. You are not sure if what is on the inside would be for the best.

Fourth stanza: Wonderful imagery here - plenty of cute and lovable things... clouds, sunflowers, and new mothers, etc...very serene.

Ending: You picture life to be happiness...but this person cannot be in your life for you to endure that happiness. Very sad ending, but it's a lovely one.

Great write, Shant'e :)

Wow Autumn... you are amazing! I just love the way you have penned this. The curiousity, the pain, the sadness and the happiness within can be felt so deeply. I can picture an entirely different imagery with every stanza as it unfolds. I just love the sad ending. After eyeing so much, you don't see a future with the person and soon all the dreams fail, the curiousity dies and life ceases...
Beautiful!!

"I pictured marshmallow clouds
and sunflower fields. I pictured kites
flying and birds chirping, children playing
and newly mothers nursing.

I picture life in it's most peaceful state,
but I can't picture a future for you and I
beyond the golden gates."

I really enjoyed these last two stanzas, you wrote this in a way that I could feel your pain. Very strong and real feeling in this, so many can relate. 5/5

I'm sorry to mimic everyone else but Wow! This is so powerful and candid. I love your honesty! I didn't know how your story would end, and that's great. It was really beautiful because it was simple yet so thought provoking and real. Great job!

Oooooh. I like this. It's insanely sensory. I love the adjective used here.

I pictured marshmallow clouds
and sunflower fields. I pictured kites
flying and birds chirping, children playing
and newly mothers nursing.

^That was so brilliant. I found myself smiling reading that. Absolutely beautiful. This is a very sad piece. Separating for eternity is the message I'm picking up here. It looks like maybe there is no room, or the lover just doesn't fit into your eternity. Either way, this was great.
I'm a fan! :)

This ones got me thinking Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by the beatles... specifically the bit with marshmallow clouds (i know it was marmalade skies in the song but still theres marshmallow pie later in the song.) anyway its definitely a poem i can relate to, love lost is something everyone can relate to... we've all experienced something that just didnt work out.