Jesus said...

by onethuscome   Jan 26, 2013


"the Sabbath was made for man
not man for the Sabbath"
in these words the clue
to mend a gross imbalance

it's said for Gods' glory we're made
and that alone the extent of our meaning
and because of his awsome power
we should submit and bequeath our being

not so said the Nazarene
lifting us to a higher plane
for god celebrates all creation
yet none more so his image made

that no one with downcast eye
in themselves should be found disbelieving
but see in ourselves the value
that made us worth redeeming

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Khalid M Darwish

    In my opinion the piece needs some revision of some words. First every new sentence should starts with a capital letter. Some words inside the lines should also start with capitals, as a matter of glorifying, like "God", "His awesome" and "His image". Some words like "awsome" should read "awesome". The word "made" sounds better if it reads "created".

  • 11 years ago

    by Shades of Gray

    I agree with Tara Kay about the flow. Also, in the first line of stanza 3, it's Nazarene. There are some things that should have been capitalized, but as far as the writing in general and the message, it's good!
    ~Shades of Gray

  • 11 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    I can see their is a deep meaning to this piece and one that is quite inspiring.
    My only critique is that the flow was a little rocky, and you tried too hard with the rhyme scheme, changing the normals of speech...don't worry about the rhymes too much...
    Otherwise a strong piece.

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