Another Southern Day [Waka]

by Rusheena   Jan 28, 2013


Inspired by the poem "Repairs" by Andrew Payton

Tools flood the garage.
The boy watches anxiously.
His aunt's butchering
dead deer doesn't unnerve him.
But it does make him hungry.

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*This was an assignment for my Creative Writing class for, written 4/15/12. A waka is a poem that contains five lines with a syllable count of 57577. It's similar to a Haiku, but the first two lines in this form should each be a complete sentence, so should the last line. There is no rhyme required or meter to consider.*

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  • 11 years ago

    by L

    A waka.. what may be the difference of a waka and a tanka? I think the tanka was adopted from the waka.. and they are both nature related, but there might be something else... hehe it made think.

    A good write that I enjoyed reading.

    • 11 years ago

      by Rusheena

      Hmm...I'm not sure, and I didn't know that a waka as nature related. When I wrote this, my class assignment was adding image to poetry, so maybe that's why my teacher didn't put any emphasis on that.

      I pulled up a definition of a waka and found this: "The primary difference seems to be that the word waka dates back to the sixth century BCE, while the more familiar terms tanka and uta date back to an eighth-century CE poetry anthology, the Manyoshu."

      Now you've got me wanting to try out a tanka. I think I'll practice this weekend. Thanks!

  • 11 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Love love love this topic!! I'm in to all things southern! So reading a little country poem was a breath of fresh air!

    I have one suggestion however, something about the punctuation here through me off a bit when reading...I think a comma or semi colun should be put in. Also what do you think about yet instead of but?? But shouldnt start off a sentence...just a suggestion.

    Tools flood the garage.
    The boy watches anxiously.
    His aunt's butchering
    dead deer; doesn't unnerve him.
    Yet, it does make him hungry.

    Regardless, I love the topic, I love the form, I love it all!

    • 11 years ago

      by Rusheena

      Thanks, Chelsey! I appreciate your feedback. I had a hard time structuring that sentence, while trying to keep the right amount of syllables. I think if you add a colon or semi colon to that fourth line, "doesn't unnerve him" will become be a fragment.

      I only use "but" at the beginning of a sentence, when I'm writing literature, since it's frowned upon, but there's no actually rule that states that you can't. I learned that in my Creative Writing class, and I also looked it up in several other places, including the Oxford dictionary and the American Heritage Dictionary. Lots of authors use it at the beginning of sentences, and it has been used that way since around the 10th century. Sorry for the history lesson, haha.

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Wow, thank you for introducing yet another form, i will have to give these a go soon!

    Again a very vivid picture created in a short little poem.

  • 11 years ago

    by CathyButterflyJC

    I liked the way you put it, great job

  • 11 years ago

    by ah satan 666

    @.@!!!

    I enjoyed reading this piece...
    I like gory stuff :)

    Well penned missy...

    We have a "form poetry" thread to help explain different forms or if you want to try something different.
    You could add "waka" to the list and post your poem as an example too :)

    • 11 years ago

      by Rusheena

      Sounds good. I'll do that. Thanks!

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