Wow, I really really really liked this, wonderful job, great describtion and story, fantastic

Very Dark Amreen, yet also tinged with much sadness, for somebody who has never written a dark poem, this effort is superb and worthy of the club contest win. It is also huge!!! 17 stanzas in all.

It starts with the reference to never carved a masterpiece, this makes us sympathise with your character in this.
I applaud the use of alliteration in stanza 2, this isn't used as much as should be in modern poetry. It adds depth to your choice of words and works well here. 'quench his inquisitiveness' is great, it is half alliteration that reads as full.
It also gives your character purpose and helps the reader read on with interest.

As we read stanza 3 we want to follow with him, love the depth reference, he never felt such depth but there is so much going on in this stanza, love the irony of that. Interesting how you reference cages with sadness. I see this referenced now and again in sad poetry. Cages represent feeling trapped, wanting to 'spread your wings' find new horizons. Here you are suggesting he is attempting to move on from something. Maybe he has finally decided to follow his heart.

The dusky violin is an interesting reference, dusky would usually suggest sad or gloomy, partially dark. This stanza links us back to the first, he has followed the music, a violin, an instrument that sounds like it is crying as you play. I thought the suggestion of her standing in utter silence was clever, you can almost picture her statuesque which gives her an aura of mystique which also gives him a reason to try and follow. It is this stanza where the mood and tone of the surroundings was set well.

I read stanza 5 and think of 'sirens' I am wondering is she luring weak men to their deaths with her song. You have already established that he is a weak man by the references to his trapped feelings, yet you give him a strength of character by the realization that he needs to change and move on, this part is fairly ironic, we are expecting him to find happiness yet you say she only gives out sadness. So we must read on......

Then in six we have a little insight into her persona, she enjoys the sadness, you are stumbling into 'sad poetry' territory here until you pull it back with the imagery, I thought the 'ray of gloom' analogy was excellent here... we expect 'rays' to represent happiness as in 'ray of sunshine' or 'ray of hope' yet here it represents darkness. We are also wondering at this point, 'has she seen him?' or is she deep within her own daydream as she plays.

You skip back to him, he is awestruck, at that moment he has found his masterpiece to paint. Keeping the dark theme going you pick crimson and black. Yet you give us hope of something new or potential to move on with the choice of 'green'

I loved how you described her here in stanza 8, she sounds porcelain doll like, still she plays as he paints, there is no dialogue between them, just the music.

Stanza 9 continues the descriptive text, you give her life with what she wears, very gothic like which holds hands with the dark theme.

Stanza 10 is very deep, Interesting you chose to call her an 'alien lady' we immediately think of little green men, yet we could also think of a beauty he has never seen before, this was alien to him. ,maybe he thought that somebody like her could only exist in dreams. You hint that a sad event hasn't happened yet. We are left asking what is going to happen? Again we are reminded that the music is controlling the whole scene as it progresses.
We are now at the peak, he has found his masterpiece and painted it, she has lured somebody with her music, now what?

Then stanza 12 begins to answer our questions, throughout this piece we have given this lady strength, she has lured him with her music, she has stood statuesque and played out her tune, yet when she stops she is sad, her black tears caused by the kohl (I googled that and I would describe it as black eyeliner) This gives real power to her tears and makes her look so much sadder than she might actually be. Now she approaches, now we have action.

13 slows the pace down, to reflect his heart slowing, we are wondering what is she? Is she from heaven or hell? You think she could be an imp or demon, the black, the music it points towards danger for him.

I thought the lullaby reference was good here in 14, lullaby's suggest calming, they suggest 'safe' yet here we fear he may be in peril.

15 confirms the peril, I thought the pause in action as the tear fell on to him was fantastic, she is now painting him in the same colour he used for her, there is a role reversal. She picks him up, she has her prey, his life is finished.

16 reveals her character more, we now know who this alien lady is, interesting that throughout this poem there have been many sad references yet here you describe her flight as ecstatic. This makes me think that this is not the first time she has done this, it also suggests she was not as sad as she appeared.

The final stanza is very clever, it references the first with a mention of a masterpiece. It also points to them both achieving what they set out to do.

Overall I loved the imagery and the tone of this piece, you took a subject and ran (miles) with it.
I have sat back and tried to look at a deeper meaning, You could be suggesting that man wastes his life feeling inadequate searching for happiness, we only really appreciate that we posses true happiness in the little things in our lives everyday, when it is too late. You could also suggest that the thing we covet the most is not always what it seems from the outside looking in.

great write.

Nicolas heard a sad tune
inviting him towards itself.
He is a young artist,
deprived of fame,
who never carved a masterpiece.

A powerful starting stanza for your poem. I loved starting with the name of artist name along with a short history of his art experience compared to her.

^^^

The melancholic melody was low
when he followed it.
But the more he went towards it,
the more gloomy the tone got.
He wanted to quench his inquisitiveness.

"low" maybe you meaned "slow" I'm not sure but I like the acceleration of actions you revealed here.

^^^

He never heard such a beauty
in the darkness of life.
He never felt such depth
in the cages of sadness.
And he kept following it.

Enticing description of beauty that makes the reader interested in consequences.

^^^

She was there,
amidst the dark trees
and in utter silence,
to concentrate merely on the tunes
She played with her dusky violin.

This stanza places the reader in that dark place imagining hearing those tunes.

^^^

No one knew her.
She comes there rarely
and plays her heart,
to sadden any one
who would hear it.

The 5th line the word "it" maybe you meaned "her heart" so I understand it this way and hence it made the stanza so sadening. This is loveable metaphor.

^^^

But she always loved her silence,
and the only existence of her and her notes,
which burst a ray of gloom,
to bring sadness on one's face
and reflect the dark beauty in her tunes.

The silence in this stanza spoke it all wgen mixed with sadness.

^^^

He adored her, her melodies.
It urged him to capture this moment
on his canvas forever.
He filled his palette with crimson and black shades,
with minute hues of green.

This reveals how much he was affected with her and her melodies and thereby used it as an axial change of his life.

^^^

He stroked through his canvas
and brushed her face on it,
which was covered with her deep black locks
and her hazel eyes-
crystal and shiny.

This is the most powerful stanza in the poem in my opinion, full of action and reactions.

^^^

He progressed to draw her lips
dabbed beautifully with crimson,
to match
with the crimson gown she wore,
laced with black crystals and petals.

Great comparison and match up.

^^^

He drew her-
An alien lady with a face,
depicting a sad event which would take place.
And the notes she played-
which would invite anyone to delve forever in it.

A descriptive stanza showing his main role in his art piece.

^^^

He was on the edge of completing his art piece,
When the melody
went on growing softer,
as if it were to end
and break the sad tranquil it possess.

A powerful deviation of consequences.

^^^

She stopped playing the violin
and slowly gazed at him,
with black tears which mixed with the kohl of her eye,
trickling down her face.
She now, slowly walked towards him.

That's the end of melody and the start of another story of passion.

^^^

His pulse went slow when he saw her arrival.
The more she came closer to him,
the slower his pulse went.
And went she reached for him,
the palette fell from his hand.

I loved the parallel dual action from both sides, so attractive. The word "went in the 4th line maybe you meaned "when" I'm not sure.

^^^

The canvas got stuck to the branch of a tree
and he collapsed down,
as if the tune he played
was a lullaby
to make him sleep.

Great and enchanting stanza.

^^^

She got him up in her arms
and a tear fell from her eye,
which slowly fell on his face.
But this would not disturb him
as he lives a long sleep.

The tenses for the verbs "disturb" and "lives" should be revised as this was happening in the past. For example:

"But this would not have disturbed him
as he was living a long sleep". Well I'm not sure, maybe you have another suggestion.

^^^

She flew up
as if she had wings.
Her flight was ecstatic
like an angel
dressed in black.

Excellent similes.

^^^

His piece he left behind-
A perfect replica of the pain
in the moment she lived.
He didn't knew he was painting his last moments
with the dead angel in his masterpiece.

That's a powerful sad end of the poem that makes the reader fall in sorrow.

------------
Overall
Amreen this is no way nominated and woth of winning, I hope. Looking forward to reading mor of your poems, thank you for sharing that.

This actually sounded more like a story to me, but it truly grabs the reader! I liked the details and the way it captured my attention from beginning to end. Though, I did foresee the ending, but what I liked the most was well the narrative and that the title definitively fits the story.

On the last two lines:

I think it should be He didn't know.. instead of he didn't knew.

5/5

Double post...

This is completly different from you, like a good story.
i hope you will win.

This is a mind gripping tale, I must agree with Everlasting; this sounds more like a story. I love how detailed this piece is and how you described the melodies that are heard by the character. The darkness seem to be the music that gives your character the urge to paint his feelings out, honestly I have mix feelings about this poem, because it could be interpret in many different ways. My favorite stanzas are...

He adored her, her melodies.
It urged him to capture this moment
on his canvas forever.
He filled his palette with crimson and black shades, with minute hues of green.

He stroked through his canvas
and brushed her face on it,
which was covered with her deep black locks
and her hazel eyes-crystal and shiny.

Mind gripping 5/5

From the first word, I knew this was brilliance. I have never read a poem that used a first name.

No one knew her.
She comes there rarely
and plays her heart,
to sadden any one
who would hear it.

^This is such a beautiful stanza. It brings up a slow-moving image, and a melancholy flavor to the picture it evokes. My favorite stanza. I just kept reading it over and over.

Overall, a great piece. If I had the power, I would nominate it for weekly win. Beautiful!

There were just a couple errors, grammatically, so you might proofread it again, for instance toward the end
" She now, slowly walked towards him."

is she doing it now, or did she do it in the past?

otherwise this poem is completely and utterly amazing. very dark, very foreboding, and very compelling. i really enjoyed reading it.

Great write!

I've been referring to Lovecraft in a few of my comments today, but this really reminds me of a Lovecraft tale where an artist's prize sculpture becomes his dying visage. And have you read The Picture of Dorian Gray? (you should if you haven't) This is fantastical, and tells a haunting story. I love it! I'm begging you, not as a poet, but as a fan, write more like this.

This to me is a novel masterpiece ballad poem that flowed freely and held my interest all the way to a heavenly climax

This is almost a short story, Amreen! I enjoyed reading it very much. Thank you for sharing with us:)

Well done,

5/5 Ingrid

Wonderfully Penned Amreen!!!

Wowee!. Wonderful work, just like a story that lives.
This is good!